Entry tags:
boys and girls and the rest of us
It bothers me when someone cheerfully says "It's a BOY!" or "It's a GIRL!" about their new baby, after finding out its sex. Nowadays this is happening even months before the baby is born.
I feel like it wouldn't be good for me to say anything, though. For one thing, I feel like it would be bad luck for me to talk about a baby before it is born. Like counting chickens before they've hatched.
For another thing, it doesn't seem right for me to intrude upon someone else's happiness by interjecting my own viewpoint on the matter. They are just sharing their joy; it wouldn't be polite to start debating them about gender and stereotypes. And most likely, their baby boy or baby girl will end up being a typical boy or a typical girl, anyway.
But, still. Surely the sex-determination methods used on unborn babies aren't so accurate that there aren't occasional mistakes even in that part. And what about intersexed babies? You never hear anyone cheerfully say, "It's an INTERSEXED BABY!"
Just that one word, "boy", or "girl", can change your whole picture of a yet-to-be-born child. It happens even for me; just because I am more aware of the gender-stereotypes doesn't make me immune to them either.
"Boy" brings up visions of a little child with a boy's haircut and wearing blue and black boy's clothing. It brings up visions of the child wearing a baseball-cap, and playing sports and videogames, and pushing and shoving other little kids. And of the child growing up into a sullen aloof teenage boy who hangs around with other teenage boys.
"Girl" brings up visions of a little child with long hair wearing pink and purple girl's clothing. And of the child playing with soap bubbles and dolls. And of the child growing up into an teenager who thinks it is important to wear make-up, and who spends a lot of time chatting on her cell-phone with her friends and worrying about what to wear.
It seems so unfair to limit a child's future like that, even if just in your mind. To put them into a box.
It seems so unfair that just because you have one set of genes, that you end up being dressed in one style of clothing and not another. That you end up being cajoled into having a certain style of haircut and not another. That you end up being taught that pink and purple are good colors for you, or bad colors. That friends and relatives end up buying you certain types of toys as presents, and not other kinds of toys. That you end up being grouped together with other children who have the same sex-gene you have, and that you're expected to spend most of your playtime with those children. That you're expected to be rough and tough, or sensitive and caring. And that you're generally expected to eventually start feeling romantic attraction to the other sex. That you're expected to grow up and get a good job with which you'll be able to provide for your family, or you're expected to grow up, and to want to get married and have children, and to nurturingly raise those children.
All that, just because of one little word.
Why do people think it is so wonderful to find out their baby's sex, and to be able to put it into a box like that, and to limit their own expectations of how the child will turn out to be?
I suppose most people don't see it as a limiting thing... before knowing the baby's sex, they are faced with limitless possibilities, and therefore can safely envision nothing about their future child. Finding out the baby's sex allows them to envision something; it gives them something to believe and to look forward to about the child, even if it doesn't turn out to be true.
I feel like it wouldn't be good for me to say anything, though. For one thing, I feel like it would be bad luck for me to talk about a baby before it is born. Like counting chickens before they've hatched.
For another thing, it doesn't seem right for me to intrude upon someone else's happiness by interjecting my own viewpoint on the matter. They are just sharing their joy; it wouldn't be polite to start debating them about gender and stereotypes. And most likely, their baby boy or baby girl will end up being a typical boy or a typical girl, anyway.
But, still. Surely the sex-determination methods used on unborn babies aren't so accurate that there aren't occasional mistakes even in that part. And what about intersexed babies? You never hear anyone cheerfully say, "It's an INTERSEXED BABY!"
Just that one word, "boy", or "girl", can change your whole picture of a yet-to-be-born child. It happens even for me; just because I am more aware of the gender-stereotypes doesn't make me immune to them either.
"Boy" brings up visions of a little child with a boy's haircut and wearing blue and black boy's clothing. It brings up visions of the child wearing a baseball-cap, and playing sports and videogames, and pushing and shoving other little kids. And of the child growing up into a sullen aloof teenage boy who hangs around with other teenage boys.
"Girl" brings up visions of a little child with long hair wearing pink and purple girl's clothing. And of the child playing with soap bubbles and dolls. And of the child growing up into an teenager who thinks it is important to wear make-up, and who spends a lot of time chatting on her cell-phone with her friends and worrying about what to wear.
It seems so unfair to limit a child's future like that, even if just in your mind. To put them into a box.
It seems so unfair that just because you have one set of genes, that you end up being dressed in one style of clothing and not another. That you end up being cajoled into having a certain style of haircut and not another. That you end up being taught that pink and purple are good colors for you, or bad colors. That friends and relatives end up buying you certain types of toys as presents, and not other kinds of toys. That you end up being grouped together with other children who have the same sex-gene you have, and that you're expected to spend most of your playtime with those children. That you're expected to be rough and tough, or sensitive and caring. And that you're generally expected to eventually start feeling romantic attraction to the other sex. That you're expected to grow up and get a good job with which you'll be able to provide for your family, or you're expected to grow up, and to want to get married and have children, and to nurturingly raise those children.
All that, just because of one little word.
Why do people think it is so wonderful to find out their baby's sex, and to be able to put it into a box like that, and to limit their own expectations of how the child will turn out to be?
I suppose most people don't see it as a limiting thing... before knowing the baby's sex, they are faced with limitless possibilities, and therefore can safely envision nothing about their future child. Finding out the baby's sex allows them to envision something; it gives them something to believe and to look forward to about the child, even if it doesn't turn out to be true.