obedience & punishment

Some Doms say they don't punish their subs for disobedience; that their subs should want to obey them on their own, and if they don't obey, the Dom doesn't want to have to force them to do so... and that eventually, if the sub keeps being disobedient, that the Dom would just look for someone else who did want to obey them.

I don't desire to be obedient to a Dom mainly in order to please them. I do have a desire to please, but my desire to submit and to be obedient to a Dom is more due to the erotic stimulation I feel from it, and from knowing that I'll be punished for disobedience.

It might be nice too, to know that it wouldn't actually be so bad for me to be disobedient, because my Dom would enjoy having a reason to punish me, and would enjoy having an opportunity to try to convince me that I shouldn't disobey again.

If I feel that I won't be punished... or that the Dom will punish me, but won't personally enjoy doing so... that they wouldn't get any erotic stimulation or any mental pleasure from it like I would... then I would not have much desire to continue obeying the Dom or being in a D/s relationship with them, since I wouldn't be getting one of the main things I was seeking in such a relationship.

If my main desire were to please, I could just get into a vanilla relationship with someone. I'm sure there are lots of people who would be happy to have their partner doing all kinds of things just in order to please them. But I have no desire at all for a relationship like that. I don't desire to please other people so much so that I would devote my time to pleasing them instead of doing things which I would get more personal enjoyment from.

There's something about being told to do things which are difficult for me... And there's something about knowing that there will be unpleasant consequences for disobedience... There's something about the idea of this kind of relationship, that I associate with mutual affection and with there being strong, deep bonds between me and the other person.

Someone once commented that for different people, different things make them feel loved. (And different people have different ways of showing their love and affection.) And that if these things don't match up for 2 people in a relationship, that they'll end up feeling frustrated and unhappy.

I don't have much experience with being punished in real life. I can't be sure that I will feel the same way about it in reality as I do when I think about it. And there are a lot of other factors that would also influence how I'd feel about being in a relationship with someone.

I do remember one experience while I was a teen, which thrilled me. It was during a Tae Kwon Do lesson, when I had gotten frustrated over something, to the point of rebellion... that sudden moment when I turned around and saw my Tae Kwon Do instructor watching me *not doing* what I was supposed to be doing.
A moment of surprise, self-consciousness, annoyance, embarrassment, acceptance... an overall magic feeling... and later, after the lesson was over, while running the laps he had assigned me as punishment/penance, I felt amused and somewhat gleeful too. And aroused in some ways, although I didn't recognize that for what it was, back then.

trying to find things in our house

This isn't an uncommon occurrence in our household...

Forestfen tells me she's used up the regular sugar and asks me if I know where we have more. I go look in the workshop where I thought we had some, but don't find any. Forestfen declares that we must buy sugar - several bags in fact, since we're always running out. I tell her, no, one bag will suffice; we don't have space for storing more, and we wouldn't be able to find them later anyway. I tell her she can use the powdered sugar instead, since we have a lot of that (I had even seen another bag of that in the workshop, too.) But she says, no, powdered sugar won't work the same in her recipe. Then it occurs to me to look in the down-below closet, and I find a jar of regular sugar!

Then Forestfen asks me if I know where her raisins are. Golden raisins, to be specific. I have some of my own in the refrigerator, but she thought she had some too. So I go in search of raisins. I look in various places, and discover no raisins, but do find... another bag of regular sugar! Then I decide to look in the down-below closet, and find a box of raisins. Not golden ones, but Forestfen says they'll suffice. Then I look around in that closet some more, and find.... yet another bag of sugar!!!