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Ancillary books
I'm reading Ancillary Sword, the 2nd book in the trilogy by Ann Leckie.
I discussed some of the gender aspects of the book in the comments in this thread.
But there's another aspect of the book which I've realized speaks to me: Lack of emotional display.
The book indicates that ancillaries don't naturally display emotion in their facial features. They can simulate such displays of emotion, to put humans whom they are interacting with more at ease. But when interacting with each other, or with humans who don't like the simulation, they don't.
The books don't seem very clear to me as to whether ancillaries even feel emotions at all. It's mentioned that a Ship and by extension, its ancillaries, can feel fondness for people, and can feel grief. Anger, maybe. Breq enjoys songs and singing... perhaps that enjoyment may be considered an emotion.
But by and large, from how the story reads, Breq seems rather devoid of emotion to me. She* seems very matter of fact about everything, as one might expect of an android.
*I'm using she as a pronoun for Breq, as it was used in the book. I'm not sure if it is more appropriate to do that, or to use a "they" pronoun for Breq, as our culture would do for an androgynous character.
This speaks to me, because that is how I often feel when interacting with other people. Apparently, I don't normally display much emotion. Other people often can't recognize my displays of emotion. A psychoeducational report when I was a child said, "has exceptional academic performance, but does not relate to her peers, does not show emotion" and "shows very little affect and as I recall, never smiled during my time with her". People sometimes have told me to smile, to cheer up, thinking I'm sad when I'm actually having a fairly good time. Wododu wrote, what was it? "I did not see ANY facial expressions...and I was looking intently".
That kind of thing hasn't happened much in recent years, so maybe I am better at putting on a good face nowadays than in the past. Or maybe I'm not around less familiar people as much, who aren't used to it, and who would comment on it. I'm not sure.
But still, when I'm around non-family people, I sometimes feel sort of android-like. Sort of detached, emotion-less, like Breq's narrative sounds like to me in my head. Partially because I don't feel very connected to other people...
There's also... sometimes my reactions to things makes me want to shut down / hide any emotional reaction I may have. If someone says something that hurts me or shocks me, I don't want them to see me react. So in those instances (thankfully rare), I do intentionally try to suppress any facial expressions.
Not sure how to explain it. There is more I want to write. I may continue this post later.
I discussed some of the gender aspects of the book in the comments in this thread.
But there's another aspect of the book which I've realized speaks to me: Lack of emotional display.
The book indicates that ancillaries don't naturally display emotion in their facial features. They can simulate such displays of emotion, to put humans whom they are interacting with more at ease. But when interacting with each other, or with humans who don't like the simulation, they don't.
The books don't seem very clear to me as to whether ancillaries even feel emotions at all. It's mentioned that a Ship and by extension, its ancillaries, can feel fondness for people, and can feel grief. Anger, maybe. Breq enjoys songs and singing... perhaps that enjoyment may be considered an emotion.
But by and large, from how the story reads, Breq seems rather devoid of emotion to me. She* seems very matter of fact about everything, as one might expect of an android.
*I'm using she as a pronoun for Breq, as it was used in the book. I'm not sure if it is more appropriate to do that, or to use a "they" pronoun for Breq, as our culture would do for an androgynous character.
This speaks to me, because that is how I often feel when interacting with other people. Apparently, I don't normally display much emotion. Other people often can't recognize my displays of emotion. A psychoeducational report when I was a child said, "has exceptional academic performance, but does not relate to her peers, does not show emotion" and "shows very little affect and as I recall, never smiled during my time with her". People sometimes have told me to smile, to cheer up, thinking I'm sad when I'm actually having a fairly good time. Wododu wrote, what was it? "I did not see ANY facial expressions...and I was looking intently".
That kind of thing hasn't happened much in recent years, so maybe I am better at putting on a good face nowadays than in the past. Or maybe I'm not around less familiar people as much, who aren't used to it, and who would comment on it. I'm not sure.
But still, when I'm around non-family people, I sometimes feel sort of android-like. Sort of detached, emotion-less, like Breq's narrative sounds like to me in my head. Partially because I don't feel very connected to other people...
There's also... sometimes my reactions to things makes me want to shut down / hide any emotional reaction I may have. If someone says something that hurts me or shocks me, I don't want them to see me react. So in those instances (thankfully rare), I do intentionally try to suppress any facial expressions.
Not sure how to explain it. There is more I want to write. I may continue this post later.