darkoshi: (Default)
It shouldn't take me two hours to decide how to reply to someone who sends me a short but pleasant friends request on a social media site that I really don't use anymore, and which I never really used much. But from which I don't want to remove my account, because memories and past friendships and familiar names.

... life is just a giddy-up, a go-go..

I have a version of this 1983 song from an Italian Dance hits CD. My MP3 player played it a few days ago, and the refrain keeps popping up in my head (an earworm, but not a bad one).

Video title: Ad Visser & Daniel Sahuleka - Giddyap A Gogo
Posted by: ronderw
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyQsyzHE-sA


Tuesday, April 18th, 2017 12:18 am
darkoshi: (Default)
The other night, around midnight, I went to check my mailbox. There were 2 youths/teenagers walking up the street at the same time - I had seen them before leaving my yard, and had a brief thought that I could just wait until they had walked on by. Because shy little me doesn't like having to interact with other people. But that would be acting like I was afraid of them, and I wasn't. They weren't giving off any bad vibes. So I headed down the street, enjoying the night air. As I approached them, I heard one of them say, fairly loudly, "Spect!" In the first moment, I thought he must be saying something to the other guy, but I wasn't sure... so I just dipped my head in greeting as I walked past. By then it was too late to say anything anyway. I got the mail, walked on back, and kept thinking about it. He must have been saying "Respect". Was that a greeting? Oh dear, maybe he was greeting me in a friendly way, and I just walked on by without saying anything. Maybe they didn't even see me dip my head. Maybe now they think I'm an unfriendly snob.

There have been a few times when I've said hello to other strangers while walking by them in this neighborhood, and they didn't say anything back. (That may be why I really wasn't expecting these two to say anything to me.) That gave me a feeling like... not that I clearly remember... like they were thinking "Why are you talking to me?" But I brushed it off, thinking maybe they didn't hear me, or were just surprised at being talked to. Or whatever, not important. So maybe this is what it's like from the other side.

After getting back inside, I googled whether "Respect" is ever used as a greeting. Apparently it is, in Jamaica.

Another reason why I'd rather just nod my head in greeting to people, is that if I hear them say something that sounds like a greeting, even if they are alone, they may really just be speaking on their cellphone, with an earpiece... Had it happen a few times where I replied "Hi" to someone, and then felt chagrined, realizing they were talking on their phone.
darkoshi: (Default)
I'm impressed by the security of this particular bank's website, but it can also be infuriating.

The first time while trying to log in today, I got a page saying that my user id and/or password were not recognized, and to please try again (or go read the Help pages).

So I checked my notes for my password; I had indeed entered it wrong. I tried again, but got the same error message again.

So I checked my notes again, and discovered that I had been entering the wrong user id too. I logged in again, this time carefully typing the correct user id *and* the correct password.

But I got the same error message again. This is the infuriating part. After a certain number of failed login attempts, you are locked out without being given any indication of it. The website simply keeps showing you the message that you entered the wrong values and to "please try again". No matter how many times you then enter the right values, the same message is shown. The first time or 2 that I was locked out, I called the bank to straighten it out. The next time (after finally realizing what was going on), I decided to wait it out. I found that if I waited a day or two before trying to log back in, then I'd be able to succeed.

Previously, I thought that the lock-out happened after maybe 3 or 4 failed login attempts. But based on the above, today I was locked out after only 2 failed attempts. So it is not even a 3-strikes-and-you're-out policy, but 2! And it's not even per user id - they must be counting the attempts based on your IP number. Good lord. It's not unusual for me to have to type a password multiple times before getting it right, even when I'm remembering it right.

Based on their Help pages, they only disable your password after 3 failed attempts. You can reset it online after verifying your identity, but it says that then you need to change the password. I don't want to change my password - each time I change it, makes it more likely that I'll type it in wrong the next time!


I could have sworn I had previously posted about my frustrations trying to login to this website, and that someone had replied to it. But I've failed to find any such post. I must have only considered posting about it, and instead mentioned it to Qiao, who provided sympathetic feedback. Is it common to think you've written a post about some topic, when instead you only discussed it with someone?

I've also noticed lately that when I feel like posting about something, but then happen to talk about it with Qiao (like above), that afterwards I feel less desire/need to write the post. Apparently talking about things sometimes gets them out of my system in the same way that writing a post would do, even though there's no recorded trace of the discussion afterwards.

rude questions

Saturday, January 4th, 2014 01:18 am
darkoshi: (Default)
Ask Culture and Guess Culture - points out some interesting differences of perspective among different people regarding what is polite or not. I'd probably instead call it "Ask Culture" versus "Beat-around-the-bush Culture" or maybe versus "Drop-hints-and-wait-to-be-offered Culture".

The MetaFilter post was regarding a specific situation: An acquaintance asking if they could stay at your house for a certain number of days.

Some people feel this is a perfectly acceptable question, and that one should simply reply "No" if one does not want to allow it (I think I fall into that category). Other people feel that even asking such a question is quite rude - that you can mention you'll be in town (and possibly hope that you may be offered a place to stay), but you should never directly ask the question, as that could put the other person in the "uncomfortable position of having to say no".

I suppose the latter people feel that their home is a sanctuary; sacrosanct; and that it is highly rude for anyone to ask to stay over unless they've first been invited to do so. Perhaps the discomfort with saying No is related to the culture valuing the appearance of graciousness and friendliness, but only up to a point which is assumed to be understood by everyone involved. Going beyond that point is seen as rude.

I doubt the "Ask" versus "Guess" thing applies to all questions, only certain kinds... perhaps only questions which could be considered to be asking for a favor. Surely the latter group feel it is okay to ask other things such as "Would you like to meet somewhere to eat dinner together while I'm in town?".

However, even the question about staying over at someone's house has many aspects to consider. It doesn't have to be considered a favor. Some people communicate very rarely, but still consider each other friends, and might still like to meet up with each other occasionally. Among some people, having someone they haven't seen in a long time stay over at their house could be seen as a great way to catch up with them, even if the main purpose of the other person's trip isn't to visit with them. Other people only feel friendly with people whom they remain in close contact with, and wouldn't consider having lesser acquaintances stay over. One person may see things from the one point of view, while the other person may see it from the other point of view.

Among some acquaintances, it may seem a natural thing that if they are traveling to your town, that you might offer them a place to stay, and that they'd reciprocate if you were traveling to their town.

Given how many friends and acquaintances a person may have, it may not be possible to remember which of those people have offered you a place to stay while visiting, versus those who haven't. With the "Guess" group of people, it seems you could only safely ask the question of close family members, even if other people had explicitly offered it to you in the past.

There may also be an issue with some people saying things like "We'd love to have you over sometime" without really meaning it. Don't some people say that simply out of politeness, not expecting the other person to ever take them up on the offer? And perhaps some people mean it in the sense of "I wouldn't mind you dropping by for an hour or so" while other people mean it in the sense of "I wouldn't mind you dropping by for a few days".

There will always be some people who might want to take advantage of you by getting a free place to stay, while not caring about you otherwise. Some people may pretend friendship and end up robbing you or worse. But simply asking if it is okay to stay over doesn't mean that the person is trying to take advantage.

This is all very theoretical for me. I haven't ever had a non-family member ask to stay at my house, nor have I ever asked to stay over at a non-family member's house. My perspective is based on my mom and her friends. When traveling, my mom has several times stayed with old friends, and old friends have occasionally visited her.

more greets

Friday, December 13th, 2013 09:41 am
darkoshi: (Default)
I was remembering this morning that the old-fashioned "How do you do?" way of greeting someone new was sort of like the "How are you doing?" greeting, in that you echo back the same words (although I haven't heard "How do you do?" in so long, that I wasn't even sure about that anymore).

There is interesting discussion here on the topic of replying to question-type greetings with the same words. It turns out there are many such greetings..."what's up", "wassup", "howdy",


Friday, December 13th, 2013 12:04 am
darkoshi: (Default)
I have yet never been able to bring myself to reply to "Hi how are you?" with just a "How are you?" as other people seem to do. It doesn't seem logical.

In limited settings, I may reply, "Fine, how are you?".

But most often, when someone I only vaguely know greets me that way in passing, I tend to reply "all right [smile]". There isn't usually time to get more words out of my mouth, or to even think of saying more. But I've been wondering lately if a reply like that sounds rude? Ie., someone asks how you are, but you only give an answer and don't reciprocate to ask how they are? Even though I know they aren't really asking to find out how you are; it's just a greeting. But is it rude or an ok reply?

Today I heard an exchange:
Person 1: "Hi, how are you doing?"
Person 2: "How are YOU doing?"
(neither person specifically answering the questions but going on to talk about other stuff.)

Maybe that is how people do it, without it sounding completely awkward. Are you supposed to emphasize different words depending on whether you greet the other person first versus replying to someone else's greeting?

half jibberish

Sunday, May 19th, 2013 11:51 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
Transcribing those 2 videos of mine.
Gosh, what a bunch of unfinished sentences, partial thoughts, seemingly abrupt switch of topics, extra words that don't belong... stuff that I don't notice until I'm reading back what I said.

It's amazing how anyone can make sense of my words, when I speak like that.

I wonder if I were to transcribe other people's videos, if I'd find that their speech was like that too. Or if some people actually speak in complete, sensible, sentences.

to roof the roof

Monday, June 20th, 2011 10:37 am
darkoshi: (Default)
I just got called "sweetie" again, by a woman on the phone. I'm 39 years old and still getting called "sweetie". ::amused::

I was calling to make an appointment for routine service to my air conditioning unit. I'm hoping that once I see how it is done, I can do it myself in the future.

I'm on vacation this week.

Now I still need to make some calls to get quotes for a roof replacement.

I was considering getting a metal roof, because of the beneficial energy and environmental aspects. They're supposed to keep the attic cooler, thereby reducing your A/C use. And since they are metal, they're recyclable at the end of their supposedly long lifespan. But I'm not convinced that the standing-seam kind of metal roof will maintain a good appearance over a long time-span. I've seen many standing-seam roofs where the colors have faded or the finish has started to look weathered.

So I was considering the smaller metal tile shingles. They look nicer to me than the standing-seam kind of roof. But it seems that metal tiles can be easily damaged, if you ever need to walk on the roof. Most websites say to read the manufacturers' special instructions for how to walk on the roof. Walking on a metal roof is also more slippery and dangerous than on an asphalt shingle roof. If the shingles aren't installed right, there are risks of leaks... and my guess is that not many roofers around here have much experience with metal shingles.

So then I was considering the regular or architectural asphalt shingles again.

I remember seeing a shingle that was metal but covered with some kind of asphalt-like coating, on an home improvement TV show... but I haven't found any info on those online.
Update: I found out that they are called "stone coated metal tile" or "stone coated steel".

Now I came across another new thing - "synthetic polymer-based" shingles.

Sigh. I thought I was decided, but now I'm not anymore.

Another issue is whether I've got enough attic ventilation. That can cause asphalt shingles to fail early. I've got aluminum soffits, with vented slats every few yards. I was wondering whether the solid aluminum slats could all be replaced with vented slats, to increase ventilation. But I've now discovered that the aluminum soffit was installed over an older wood soffit. The vented aluminum slats are on top of the old vents which were in the wood soffit. So adding more venting would require dealing with *both* the aluminum and the wood soffits. Sigh.

It is so hard deciding what to do.

bits and pieces

Friday, August 20th, 2010 12:54 am
darkoshi: (Default)
The customer wants us to come back to Florida for another collaborative session the week after next, already again! This week, my first ever work trip, was a novel thing. But again, so soon?! Driving for 5 to 6 hours each way?! Gah!@

Risking my life and limb and vehicle in the scary traffic of the highways.


The bathroom mirrors I've been encountering lately are too well lit and revealing. They've been triggering/encouraging me to skin-pick too much.


I walked on the beach today. Dark storm clouds threatened. My mind did not hear the ocean speaking. My mind wasn't listening; it did not expect to hear anything. I like bending down to look at the ocean and skyline from upside-down.


I feel fat. I want to lose the few pounds I've put on over the last year. I hate pants that are too tight. I want to be fit and flexible and strong. Who doesn't? I feel old and decrepit with my achy back. I feel ugly; my hairstyle doesn't seem very flattering; maybe it's too long; maybe I should shave it all off. Hmmm.


When I go alone somewhere like at a restaurant or at the chiropractor/doctor/dentist's office, I tend to be called things like "sweetie" or "hon" by female employees. I get the feeling that I must look scared/nervous/young (and female) to be called these things, especially when I don't hear those same people calling anyone else by those terms.

(no subject)

Sunday, March 21st, 2010 10:20 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
I've gotten so used to giving Qiao a good-bye kiss when he leaves, that a few times now, I've caught myself automatically leaning in to do the same thing with Forestfen when saying good-bye to her. Then I disconcertedly realize that the face which my face is approaching is not one which I want to kiss. Usually I shrug away from kisses from family members, and I certainly never used to initiate them; the only reason I got into the habit of doing it with Qiao is that he trained me into it.

(no subject)

Monday, June 23rd, 2008 08:20 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
Internet friends aren't real friends, they just let you pretend you have some kind of social circle.
Internet friends are entertainment like TV, like a book, for when you're bored, with the added bonus of being interactive.
They can be ignored when you're busy or tired or not in the mood, and they don't get mad at you when you do so; it's the same way for them.

Maybe I don't want real friends, maybe I really do just want to be entertained, and to pretend.
The thought of having real friends, and having to spend time doing things with them... doesn't actually sound so great. What kinds of things would we do? Would I enjoy the activities, or would it seem like a waste of time which I could have spent doing other things? I can't think of much of anything I'd really want to do, which I couldn't do as well by myself. One friend actually is all one needs, a companion for the things you wouldn't feel like doing alone. And you to accompany them. And I have a friend. Would I want more? I suppose you could do different things with different people, if no single person enjoyed all the things you wanted to do.

How much of my not having friends is due to me not being able to make them, versus me not wanting them? Friendships always sound nice in theory; books and stories make them sound like fun... but in real life? Real life isn't a book or a story, and real people don't tend to be from my preferred genres. I'm living in the Regular Fiction/Non-fiction section, not the Sci-Fi/Fantasy section.


I walked to a nearby store last week. Another day, I just went for a walk, to walk. There are places I walk by, which call to me.... wouldn't I like to walk into that section of trees? I bet it's magical in there, or spooky.... but I daren't. There may be people watching. There may even be people within that section of trees.. they would look at me or maybe even shout at me, and make me extremely uncomfortable. Better to just keep walking along the street. But I wonder, why do I seem to shy away from the things that most attract me?

That was always one of the rudest surprises... Walking along the paths through the trees, my private secluded areas, and suddenly catching sight of someone else... a solitary adult man sometimes, a potential danger (act confident; walk briskly; ignore them and they'll ignore me)... or hearing other people's voices.... making me anxious, destroying my peace... it's no longer my own private secluded area. I can no longer go there to get away from people... now there is the possibility that there may be eyes even there, watching me. Why does my feeling of belonging disappear, once I realize there are other people there too? Then I become just an interloper, myself.

(no subject)

Sunday, May 18th, 2008 08:30 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
I usually don't miss people, if I know I will see them again. Is this because I don't feel strong attachments to them? I don't know. It's only when I know I will never see them again, or when I know things will likely never be the same again, that I'm likely to feel sad. Otherwise, I can think about the persons who are not there and feel good... what is there to miss? They are still there, in my mind.

It's awkward though, when other people tell me they miss me, because I can't truthfully reply that I miss them too.

Maybe it's just one of those things people say, without really meaning it, like "How are you?".

(no subject)

Tuesday, March 4th, 2008 06:29 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
It is interesting how one of my online groups handles discussions that generate lots of posts, especially discussions that involve some kind of controversy or difference in opinion. After a while, some people always start expressing sentiments such as "when will this thread die?", "beating a dead horse", "enough already", "can we move on to a different topic?". This happens even if there isn't flaming going on, and even if the posts continue to be intelligent and thought-worthy. It's like there's a limit to how much input people can take on a certain subject, without losing interest and becoming irritable by repeated exposure to it.

I notice this tendency with myself too, at work. When emails on a particular topic keep going back and forth, even though progress is being made with what is being discussed, after a certain point, I almost cringe whenever another email in the thread arrives in my inbox. By the time we've decided exactly how the thing we are discussing should be implemented or handled, I don't care enough anymore to follow up and make sure that it actually gets implemented like we decided on (unless I'm assigned to work on it).