flight skills

Tuesday, July 18th, 2017 11:39 pm
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Walking back from my lunch break, I passed a group of 7 crows cawing and flitting between trees.

Next, I came across a group of vultures standing together in a group on the grass. At first glance, they looked like black crows too. I tried not to look at them very directly, as doing so generally scares them away. But I got out my cell phone and took a furtive photo.

A few of the vultures flew upwards and bumped into the side of the building behind them before landing back on the ground. Huh? A couple more did the same thing, and I wondered what were they doing. Then I realized... they were all younglings, and were frightened of me and trying to fly up onto the top of the building. But their flying skills aren't good enough yet to fly straight up 20 feet like that. I walked away, not to scare them further, poor things.

It reminded me of a day last week when I walked right past a single young vulture that was sitting on a railing, not even noticing it until the last moment, as I had just walked out of the building into the sunshine.

A few days ago I was reading about vines... ah yes, to see if my mom was correct that letting them grow up the pine tree trunks can hurt the trees. While doing that, I found out the name of one of the vines that grows in my yard: Virginia Creeper. It has little suckers on its tendrils that helps it climb, and 5 leaflets in each compound leaf.

Earlier today while walking, I saw a similar looking plant with leaflets of 3... and remembered that rhyme, "leaves of three, let them be". I wondered if it was poison ivy. It looks so innocuous; I walk by it nearly every day. In lieu of touching the leaves to find out, I did a web search on my cell phone to find some images of poison ivy, and sure enough, that is what it was. Now I know what it looks like. For the moment, anyway.

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I've decided which phone to buy. The Moto G4 Play has pretty good specs (it has 2GB RAM, not 1/2 GB as I originally thought), for a good price.


This is the most chewed-on tree trunk by the pond.

These are Catalpa tree blossoms. The photo is from 2015, but the tree has blossoms this year too. The blossoms are about the size of big popcorn, and don't have much scent. But a clump of honeysuckle is also growing by the tree, the lovely sweet scent of which has fooled me a few times.

I found this growing in the ground in Qiao's yard. At first glance they look like fallen red blossoms, but what is that black tarry gunk on them? It's one of the strangest looking things. Per the internet, they are called starfish fungus. I saw one by the pond at work too, an odd coincidence, as I don't ever remember seeing these before. But then again, maybe I did and simply thought they were fallen blossoms.

While walking along, do you ever have a sudden amusing thought that makes you break out in a big grin?

the bird is still there

Wednesday, June 15th, 2016 12:54 am
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Oh, and today I saw a hot-pink colored caterpillar. I didn't think of taking a photo of it.
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On my lunchtime walk, I noticed some traffic cones in the field behind the tennis courts. They'd never been there before. Maybe there were there to keep people from falling into some kind of hole, or what else could the reason be? I walked in that direction to check it out.

As I got nearer, I saw that the cones were positioned in a circle. To my surprise, in the very center of the circle, a small bird was standing!

It felt surreal like a dream. Why would a bird be standing in the center of a circle of traffic cones?

Times like that, I wish I always carried my cell phone on me, to be able to take a photo.

I didn't want to frighten the bird, so I didn't go any closer, but rather walked on past while still looking. There was another bird of the same type outside of the cones. It walked into the circle towards the other bird. When it reached the center, it took the first bird's place, and the other bird walked away in the opposite direction. Half-way doing one of those funny bird-walks.

So. I can only presume that there's a nest of eggs on the ground right there, and someone put up the cones as a warning to keep the nest from being trampled or driven over with a lawnmower. I wonder who did it, and where they got the cones from.

It was a hot afternoon, and the whole area was in the sun. I imagine the birds were shading the nest with their bodies to keep the eggs from over-heating.

The birds were brownish, with a ring around the neck. Most likely killdeer:
The birds nest on the ground. They do not build a nest but will lay their eggs in a depression in gravel. The nest, and speckled eggs blend easily into the background making them hard to see. ... Both parents take turns incubating 4 buff, speckled eggs for 24 to 28 days.


After work, I drove to the grocery store. A car in front of me had a SC Equality license plate, like mine. It's the first time I've come across another car with one of these plates! I was tickled, and wished they could have seen my license plate too.

At Kroger, I checked the ice cream section, and for the first time they had non-dairy Ben & Jerry's. They had all 4 flavors, so I got one of each. They taste good!

They also still had a bunch of Clif Bars on the shelves, including the recalled flavors. I checked the use-by dates on them, and they seemed to be within the recall period. That surprised and unsettled me. I made a note to check the recall notice again after I got home, to make sure I was remembering the dates right. I didn't buy any of those, but got a few bars of the other flavors.

At the self-checkout counter, the automated voice advised me to check the bottom of my receipt for an important message. It was a note about the recall again.

After getting home, I checked the recall notification, and verified that the ones I had seen should have been recalled. (Unless I actually misread the dates on the items, which isn't to be ruled out, the way my brain has been acting lately.) So I called the store and advised them to double-check the items on the shelf. I'm not sure if the CSR took me seriously, but at least I tried.

man ma'am

Thursday, May 12th, 2016 12:48 am
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At work, a guy from the cleaning staff came into my cube and swiped his duster across the top of my cabinets. It startled me - in the past, the lady who did it would ask me first if I wanted my cube dusted, and I'd step out of her way while she did it.

As he swiped the first cabinet, this guy said something like "How are you doing, ma'am?" and I replied something like "I'm good". Then, hearing my voice, he corrected himself, saying that from behind, my hair had looked like a guy's. So I realized he had originally addressed me as "man", not "ma'am".

Neither bothers me. I'm neither man nor ma'am, so either is fine with me.

Then I wondered if he had pegged me as female instead of male, if he might not have just walked into my cube like that.


I cut my hair a few weeks ago, and have been quite pleased with it. It's short on the sides and back, slightly longer on top, with a longer section in the top-back that could be tied into a small pony-tail. I had the same style several years ago, but maintaining the pony-tail part is difficult... when trimming hair it's much easier to cut it off than to evenly cut around it so that its shape remains circular.

Another good thing is that my left leg is regaining its former flexibility. For a year or 2, I hadn't been able to stretch it without feeling an unpleasant kind of ache. But recently something seems to have clicked back into place... maybe ligaments finally loosening or something, and it's back to a normal feeling.

My bottom thigh muscles still feel slight discomfort simply from the driver's seat pressing against them. But I don't have the nerve spasms anymore, which I had last year. Maybe the extra walking I've been doing has helped on both counts.
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Friday, out by the pond for lunch. A big bird glided by and landed on a high tree branch on the other side of the pond. It wasn't a goose or a buzzard. It didn't look particularly eagle or hawk-like to me, but must have been. The head was light colored, whitish. The body was dark. It swooped down, dove into the lake and came back out again, still flying. Going after fish, I presume. It didn't look like it caught one. It landed on a different tree branch. It swooped back towards/into the lake several more times.

The carcass of the dead goose is still there. A week or so after my last post about it, a scavenger must have pulled it out of the pond. It's been there ever since, just bones and feathers left now. I pass it every day on my walk. The other geese don't seem bothered by it. I've seen them sitting in that area a few times.


When I'm walking, the air smells of magnolia and honeysuckle.

One side of the big parking lot I circumnavigate is along the interstate. There's a narrow wooded area between them. It's kept cleared enough to be easy to walk through. I like switching over from the asphalt into the "woods". I like to walk at full speed through the trees, dodging low-hanging branches, avoiding stepping on pine cones and fallen branches, making split-second decisions of whether to walk to the left or to the right around each tree in my path. I like hearing the hypnotic zoom-zoom of cars as I walk, mixing with the rhythm of my steps.

left-right, left-right-left, right-left, right-left-right...

I like swinging my bag in rhythm with my steps. The rhythm comes naturally. But when I tried to count how many steps I take per swing of the bag, I couldn't figure it out.


In addition to tracking my steps per day, I've been tracking my sleep. I've put the numbers into a spreadsheet, and based on that, I'm getting on average about 7 hours sleep per night. Which is better than I thought. But it's an optimistic estimate, based on what time I go to bed and get up. Not counting any time lying in bed awake.

Saturday morning, when I could have slept in, I woke up after 5 hours sleep and couldn't fall back asleep again.
Sunday morning, the alarm was set for 8 hours, as we were meeting someone for lunch. If the alarm hadn't gone off, I could have slept much longer.


Tuesday, March 1st, 2016 11:36 pm
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An uncle* of mine has written a book/memoir of his life:
The Kraut: On Being German after 1940

He was born in Germany, grew up in the U.K., and emigrated to the U.S. at the age of 17.

I've been reading it during my lunch times, in between walking** and eating. Some of it is rather dark, topic-wise, and some of it is hard to follow. But it's quite interesting.

It's available on Kindle or as a paperback, if anyone is curious about it.

* My mom's half-sister's cousin's husband's first wife's son.

** I've increased my walking circuit by about 10 minutes. My pedometer indicates I'm now getting up to about 8000 steps per day doing so.


Tuesday, March 1st, 2016 11:12 pm
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Creepy dream this morning, with me disposing of a dead body (of which I had nothing to do with the death) and then anxiously realizing that the authorities wouldn't approve of the way I had disposed of it, if they found out.


The dead goose has been floating at the edge of the pond for the last 3 weeks, slowly decomposing. I haven't noticed any bad smells, walking by. Yesterday there was a buzzard near that edge of the lake. It flew away as I approached. I didn't realize that buzzards would eat meat that's been dead *that* long.

The Flying Turkey

Wednesday, November 5th, 2014 08:46 pm
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Wouldn't that be a good name for a pub or inn?

Today at work, I saw... no, not flying turkeys. But wild turkeys! Three or four of them. First I thought they were buzzards, as they had a similar-sized dark body and light-colored head. But they were in a wooded area I'd never seen the buzzards in before. And they didn't walk in that funny-cute way that I've buzzards walk. Their legs were longer, they had long tail feathers, and part of their neck was pinkish. And I saw one pecking at the ground.

After watching them for a while, I decided to stop staring at them in so obvious a manner. This time of year is not safe for turkeys. For all I know, if the wrong person came along, they might pull a rifle out of their trunk, and shoot them for dinner. Though I suppose people would get in trouble shooting or even having a fire-arm on company grounds.

Later I started wondering if wild turkeys fly. I figured they must be able to, in order to escape predators. Yep, they do.

maybe I helped

Saturday, August 23rd, 2014 12:18 am
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At lunchtime by the pond, I saw something white near the edge. First it looked like a plastic bag, but then I saw wings spread out over the water. It was an egret, but in an unnatural position for an egret. Was it stuck in the mud maybe? Or was it doing some odd thing peculiar to egrets? I watched it for a while, uncertain. Then I slowly went closer to see if it needed help. But I wouldn't be able to pick it up with my hands - it had a sharp dangerous looking beak. There was a good sized stick nearby, so I took that. The stick was long enough that I didn't need to get my shoes wet and muddy. As I neared it, the egret flapped a bit, but still didn't fly away, so it seemed pretty certain to be stuck.

I think one of its legs must have been tangled up in roots or something. I gently pushed some thick stuff away with the stick, but the egret still didn't break free. It didn't move much at all, except to peck at the stick a few times. It might have been exhausted already to begin with. After trying to free it again a few times, it finally looked like the leg might be free, but the bird still didn't move away. I hoped that its leg wasn't broken.

Maybe having a human with a big stick that close was terrifying it more than being stuck was. I decided that I couldn't do much more, and walked away to my bench to eat, out of sight of the bird. Hopefully, if it put some effort again into freeing itself, it would be able to.

After finishing my lunch, I walked back by the pond. The egret was gone, and I was relieved. I wasn't sure there was anything else I could have done for it.


It reminded me of another day at work a few months ago. While working away in my cube, I heard a coworker exclaim "what a beautiful golden dragonfly!". Curious, I went to look. It had gotten into the building and was by the window. Our windows don't open. But fortunately I had a clear plastic container at my desk. I used that along with a thick piece of paper to catch the dragonfly, and then walked it downstairs to let it loose outside. The dragonfly buzzed in the container, making me feel nervous and a bit elated. Yes, maybe anyone looking at me would think it a strange sight, but this is what I do. It's not the first time I've walked an insect outside at work, but it was my first dragonfly. After letting the dragonfly loose, I remembered that I had seen a listless looking bee in the other stairwell on my way out to lunch. As I now had a bug-catcher (ie., container) in my hand anyway, I went to check on it. It was still there, so I scooped it up and took it outside too. Then on my way back inside, there was even a moth fluttering near the door trying to trap itself inside the building too! But I blew at it til it flew away in the right direction.
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They look like daffodils from afar, but they're not. They might be wildflowers, or perhaps someone intentionally planted them right there.
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For about a week and a half, I experienced excessive flatulence. I couldn't figure out what might be causing it, as I wasn't eating anything out of the ordinary. Then I realized that I *had* been eating more dried fruit in my breakfast cereal than usual, due to not having any corn-flakes to mix in with it.

It had never occurred to me before that dried fruit (or even fresh fruit) could cause flatulence, but apparently it can, due to the fructose and fiber which are both hard to digest.

[!AAAH! Google has a Dr.Who doodle game thingy!!! Hhahahah....
oh god it took me 33 minutes to finish the game and I don't know how many doctors died in the process.]

So anyway, after having that realization, I switched to hot oatmeal for the next breakfast, and then the next day, cold cereal without fruit. The flatulence disappeared. Then I switched back to eating the muesli and raisin bran, with some other cereal mixed in, and have still been fine since then.


Qiao got me a pedometer. They say that to stay fit, one should walk about 10,000 steps per day. Based on the pedometer, on days when I go to work and walk outside around the pond at lunchtime, I get between 5500 and 6500 steps. On a Saturday doing yard work, I got 6200 steps. On a Sunday when I stayed home and didn't do yard work, I got about 3000 steps.

(no subject)

Sunday, October 24th, 2010 11:09 pm
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I've started taking daily Selenium and Vitamin D supplements. After the first day of taking them, my lower back achiness/stiffness was surprisingly and significantly reduced, and I was hopeful... But I had also taken an Alleve (naproxen) tablet, against a headache. It must have been the naproxen that helped with my back, as the achiness came back even though I've continued taking the Selenium and Vit. D.

It hadn't previously occurred to me to take pain relievers against my back aches; I generally only take them for headaches or menstrual cramps. If I thought it would cure my problems, I surely would take them. But I think it would only mask the problem.

I went for a small walk/jog one day last week. The sun was bright in my eyes, and the wind was windy in my ears. I was only able to jog short distances before having to slow down to a walk to catch my breath. But it was good to do it, after not having done it in such a long time.


Zorro somehow got her collar off again today and chewed it up. The same thing happened with her prior collar a few weeks ago. I may have to get her a metal collar, so that she can't just keep chewing them up. Maybe I could get some metal chain, but attach a piece of elastic cord, so that it could pull off if she gets stuck. I worry about her or Serena getting their jaws caught on each other's collars, since they rough-house around so much.

I was thinking that it would be very cute if I could get Zorro and Serena capes to wear for Halloween. Zorro could have a black cape, and Serena could have a red cape, and they'd be Batman and Robin! It would look so neat for them to be running across the yard with their capes fluttering behind them. But in reality, they'd probably chew them up first.

ETA: Robin had a yellow cape? Oh well, make that yellow then.

(no subject)

Tuesday, September 14th, 2010 11:24 pm
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At work lately, I've been feeling like I'm either cursed, or crazy. Every time I start thinking that something should finally be straight-forward to implement, it turns out to be complicated after all. And then it requires more questions and discussions. What is it that makes mole-hills turn into mountains around me?

Yesterday while walking back from lunch along the side of the street on the company grounds, a car drove towards me fast. Instead of stepping off the road like I might normally do, I mentally dared the car to run me over. It didn't.

(no subject)

Tuesday, January 6th, 2009 07:43 pm
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I was thinking today while walking, that a brain works differently than a computer. A computer, as I envision it, is a single processor, following a bunch of instructions one by one (or a set of processors, nowadays). A processor can switch between threads, but it is still just doing one of them at a time. It's not that simple, but that's how I usually think of it.
But different parts of a brain are working at the same time, parallel, separately. One part is keeping my heart beating - I can't even control that part. One part is keeping me breathing - I have limited control over that part. Other parts are doing things I'm not aware of. When I go for a walk, a part of my brain is controlling the physical aspects of making my body walk, and a part is directing which direction I walk. I have control over these parts, but for the most part I don't have to consciously think about them. Parts of my brain are processing sensory inputs. Some inputs are flagged as unusual, and that may attract the attention of my conscious mind. My conscious mind is sort of like a computer processor - it can really only pay attention to one thing at a time, or it may pay attention to several things by switching between them, one by one.
And yet there are all these other parts of my brain working at the same time... the part right now, which is making my fingers move to type these words in response to my conscious thoughts.

Meditation is not-thinking (as I think of it :).
When I meditate, I try to stop thinking thoughts... I stop thinking words... I may reduce sensory input by closing my eyes and going somewhere relatively quiet. But my brain is still working... still receiving various sensory input. Meditation is not paying attention to those inputs, or not letting those inputs trigger the conscious mind into thinking words. (which goes back to that other question - What are thoughts without words; are they still "thoughts"?) And yet, apparently, meditation still involves paying attention to something... receiving some kind of input... as it is supposed to result in one feeling like something other than a dead rock. Turning off one part of the brain perhaps, but not others. Certainly not all parts, as one still needs to breath, and the heart still needs to beat, and one needs to be open enough to be able to sense the wonder of existence.

(no subject)

Saturday, January 3rd, 2009 09:49 pm
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Life is torturing me. It really is. I just want somebody to be able to look at the day I've been having and to tell me, that yes indeed, life *is* being cruel today. That I'm not just being oversensitive due to PMS.

Even when I took a break to go for a walk, my shoes squeaked the whole way!

I was trying to give it the benefit of doubt, as my computer is old and there are many parts that can be causing problems, but I think this Dynex Wireless-N USB (DX-NUSB) adapter is ::insert impolite words here::.

I shall still try it out on Q's computer to see if it works any better on his computer than it does on mine, or not.

We ended up returning the LinkSys router yesterday, and we got a NetGear WNR2000 instead. The new router has been working fine. I was hoping that the new router in conjunction with the new wireless adapter (both wireless-N), would improve my internet connection speed somewhat, as my internet speed over wireless is always much slower than Q's. No such luck. It ended up being even slower, during those periods of time while it was working. (Why, life, why???) This, in spite of the network speed being shown as much higher, and the signal as "Excellent".

Miss Fortune has been laughing mockingly at me all day too, every step of the way. ::tortured sigh::
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I was walking along, lost in thought. And I realized that I wasn't paying any attention to the world around me. And I thought, squirrels don't do that, scampering around lost in their thoughts, do they? My thoughts are in words - I hear words in my head. What would it be like, if I had never learned a language - if I had never heard any words? Would I still be able to think? What kinds of thoughts would I have? What would word-less thoughts be like? Is that how it is like, to be a squirrel?

I can stop thinking words for a while, while walking, and still *know* where I'm walking towards... a part of my brain is still directing me in which direction to walk, even if I don't consciously think words while doing it. When I drive home, I don't consciously think of which streets to turn on... it is automatic, while my mind thinks other thoughts. Whereas if I'm driving somewhere unfamiliar, then I do think words, like "I need to turn right on so-and-so street".

But what would it be like, to not have words in one's brain? What is it like for deaf people, who speak via sign-language, and who have never heard words? Do they think in sign? Do they see hands moving in their mind? Is their thought image-based as opposed to sound-based?

If my thoughts are sound-based, why is it easier for me to understand things when I read them, than when I hear them? And yet, when I read them, I hear the words in my head.

What is it like to be a squirrel, to not have words which let you plan for the future and think other abstract, distant thoughts? What is it like, to live in the present, all the time, only reacting to the things you see, hear, smell, feel?

My memories are not word-based, for the most part. I remember images, emotions, smells, not words.

Do squirrels sometimes sit around lost in thought... remembering experiences they have had? Day-dreaming about the perfect acorn?

(no subject)

Saturday, October 4th, 2008 02:41 pm
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Walking along, lost in random thought. Something catches my attention momentarily, and I decide to stop, go back a few steps to look again... and I stand still. Noticing things. Listening. A little fly walking on the wood railing. Sunlit leaves on a sapling. A repetitive chirping noise from a cricket to the left. A more constant higher-pitched noise from a cricket (?) to the right. The roaring noise of the highway in the distance. Each one of these things comes into my attention, then fades as I focus on something else. The birds singing. How my body feels, balanced on my feet. Is there any scent in the air? Not really. Trees, leaves, the water in the stream flowing. I am standing still, with all this surrounding me, all this happening around me in the world. So much going on all the time, which I do not notice, except when I focus my attention on it. What things may exist, which I have never noticed, because I have not focused on them? What things may exist, which I don't know how to focus on... maybe there is something out there, but I have not learned (or have forgotten) how to sense it?


Religion. Were my random thoughts about religion? I was thinking about how it is not wrong for someone to believe in a religion (or anything), just as it is not wrong for someone not to believe it. How can one be wrong for believing something? Belief simply is. Just as non-belief simply is. And religion is about things which cannot be proved nor disproved. As much as I find some beliefs, religious and otherwise, to be strange or unbelievable, or even offensive, still, how can I think that people are wrong to have those beliefs? They simply do, for whatever reasons. Their brains simply are that way.

The idea of a God creating the universe, creating humans, does not make sense to me. The idea of a God, existing alone in emptiness, before it decided to create the universe, does not make sense to me. What would such a God have been like? Did this God have thoughts? What kind of thoughts could a being have, without a universe to give those thoughts context? If nothing else existed yet, what kind of thoughts could a being have? It does not make sense to me, and so I cannot believe it.

But many people do. So... supposing there was a God... it must have created some people with a belief in a God, and it must have created other people like me, without such a belief. Or it must have left whether or not any particular person would believe in a God, to chance. Either way, in doing so, it was affirming the rightness of both ways of being. Otherwise, why create both?

Or perhaps there was one god (or several gods) who created the people who believe in religions, and there was another god (or gods), who created the people who don't believe.

Anyway. Why would a god create the universe? One cannot fathom a god's thoughts or a god's reasons, some say. The god was lonely, and wanted to create humans who would adore and worship it, others say.

So. Suppose there somehow was this God, alone in a vast emptiness, before the universe existed. And suppose that this god was bored and/or lonely (supposing that such thoughts/feelings could exist in a void). And suppose that this god had a power of Creation. And so it Created Something, to stave off the boredom and/or loneliness. (How does creating a universe stave off boredom and loneliness? How does having beings believe in you, and worship you, and pray to you, stave off loneliness?) If I were God, and had created this world, would it not have been in order to experience it? Would I not choose to be every piece of my creation, experiencing every facet of it? I would be every rock, every tree, every atom spinning in the void.... I would experience every person's experiences, sense every being's senses... Perhaps that might stave off boredom. Perhaps.

It still doesn't make much sense to me though. Not enough for me to have any belief.

My own existence doesn't make sense to me either, and yet I exist. So I do not deny the possibility of a God or Gods, or something magic and special and unknown, which exists outside of my senses. There just hasn't been anything so far, which has made enough sense to me, for me to be able to believe in it.


Another reason I am not able to believe in a God which created the universe, is that it doesn't answer the question about how the God came into existence. If everything that exists must have had a creator, and if God exists, then who was God's creator? In contrast, if it is possible to believe in a God that has always existed (and had no creator), then why is it so different or difficult to believe in the possibility that the universe has always existed? Why do people believe that the universe must have been Created, but don't believe the same thing about the Creator?

(no subject)

Monday, June 23rd, 2008 08:20 pm
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Internet friends aren't real friends, they just let you pretend you have some kind of social circle.
Internet friends are entertainment like TV, like a book, for when you're bored, with the added bonus of being interactive.
They can be ignored when you're busy or tired or not in the mood, and they don't get mad at you when you do so; it's the same way for them.

Maybe I don't want real friends, maybe I really do just want to be entertained, and to pretend.
The thought of having real friends, and having to spend time doing things with them... doesn't actually sound so great. What kinds of things would we do? Would I enjoy the activities, or would it seem like a waste of time which I could have spent doing other things? I can't think of much of anything I'd really want to do, which I couldn't do as well by myself. One friend actually is all one needs, a companion for the things you wouldn't feel like doing alone. And you to accompany them. And I have a friend. Would I want more? I suppose you could do different things with different people, if no single person enjoyed all the things you wanted to do.

How much of my not having friends is due to me not being able to make them, versus me not wanting them? Friendships always sound nice in theory; books and stories make them sound like fun... but in real life? Real life isn't a book or a story, and real people don't tend to be from my preferred genres. I'm living in the Regular Fiction/Non-fiction section, not the Sci-Fi/Fantasy section.


I walked to a nearby store last week. Another day, I just went for a walk, to walk. There are places I walk by, which call to me.... wouldn't I like to walk into that section of trees? I bet it's magical in there, or spooky.... but I daren't. There may be people watching. There may even be people within that section of trees.. they would look at me or maybe even shout at me, and make me extremely uncomfortable. Better to just keep walking along the street. But I wonder, why do I seem to shy away from the things that most attract me?

That was always one of the rudest surprises... Walking along the paths through the trees, my private secluded areas, and suddenly catching sight of someone else... a solitary adult man sometimes, a potential danger (act confident; walk briskly; ignore them and they'll ignore me)... or hearing other people's voices.... making me anxious, destroying my peace... it's no longer my own private secluded area. I can no longer go there to get away from people... now there is the possibility that there may be eyes even there, watching me. Why does my feeling of belonging disappear, once I realize there are other people there too? Then I become just an interloper, myself.

somewhat strange

Thursday, May 8th, 2008 07:08 pm
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Walking back from lunch, I noticed something small and round on the walkway before me. Looking closer, it was a little turtle, the size of a half-dollar, with its head and feet tucked mostly into its shell. Then I turned my head, and noticed a lizard standing in the grass nearby. It had a reddish head and seemed to be looking at the turtle, or perhaps at me. I took a step towards it, but it didn't move. I paused for a while, considering the strangeness of the situation. I decided to pick up the turtle and put it in the grass, as I didn't want someone else to accidentally step on it. While doing that, I think the lizard scampered away. But the thought of that lizard was still making me uneasy - what if it wanted to go after the turtle? I reconsidered and picked the turtle back up and carried it a little further away, closer to the stream. It started to get annoyed at that point, sticking out its legs and wiggling them until I set it down again.