darkoshi: (Default)
This was a very interesting read. Several of the things mentioned in the article made me think of my niece, who was born in 1995; things which I thought were simply traits of hers, but which may be more general traits of her generation.

Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?
darkoshi: (Default)
I bought some eclipse sunglasses on Tuesday. Seems like I did it in the nick of time, as they are becoming scarce around here. I got some cheap cardboard ones, and some slightly less cheap 2x magnification cardboard ones (I ordered the latter from Best Buy in the morning, and picked them up after work. When I checked the website in the evening again, they were sold out.) The glasses are neat! You can look at the midday sun while it's high in the sky! What you see is a nice orange disk. That may not sound special, but it's neat to be able to look straight at the sun without it being sunrise or sunset. I'm not sure I could see any sunspots or flares with these glasses, but they should be fine for watching the eclipse. As long as we are lucky and have clear skies. The forecast isn't looking good so far... a 50 to 60% chance of thunderstorms all day on the 21st till 8pm. But things may change, and even with thunderstorms, there might be a break in the clouds. (please, pretty please, at least during totality, please?)

I've been debating whether to work from home that day, or go in to work like usual and take my lunch break during the total eclipse. Now I think I'll work from home... that way I can occasionally check what is broadcast from the other parts of the country that experience the eclipse before we do.

I replaced the pull-chain light switch for the light fixture on Qiao's ceiling fan with a 3-way pull switch. Now we can turn on either 2 or all 4 lights, where before you could only turn on all 4 at once. Now while sitting on the sofa, we can turn on only the 2 lights which face towards the other direction, so that the room isn't uncomfortably dark, but without as much glare from above as before. When we want more light, we can turn them all on. Previously, I had replaced the lamp shades and bulbs, but it was still too bright for me.

One of the metal spines on my umbrella broke. I can't think of any simple way to fix it. It's a fairly new umbrella which my neighbors gave me recently, as thanks for looking after their dogs while they were on a trip. A nice lime-green color with reflective edging. I can't bear to throw it away. I couldn't even bear to throw away my old umbrella yet.. On it, the fabric had worn out and had holes. I cut the fabric off that one, and still have the metal umbrella skeleton. It's pretty useless, slightly dangerous, but looks neat in a goth-steampunk kind of way.

My dad has been researching his side of the family tree. It's amazing what you can find in old census records. This FamilySearch website is run by the LDS church, and lets you search records for free. There's an 1885 census from the state of Nebraska, with an entry for my grandpa's father and grandfather. We also found 1870 and 1880 census records which seem to match, but there are some discrepancies which we haven't been able to explain yet. We found that the Nebraska Historical Society has microfilms of church records from the area my grandpa's grandpa lived. Those records don't seem to be online anywhere. My dad contacted them, and they have a volunteer who will check the microfilms for us, even translating from Latin! How nice is that?

other things

Sunday, June 4th, 2017 02:47 am
darkoshi: (Default)
Still tweaking other things on my new cell phone too.

I found out that one can remove the pages from these old family photo albums (and put them back together again). Which means that scanning the albums shouldn't be that difficult after all (as long as each page fits on the flatbed - one of the albums does just barely. The other one would require using my mom's larger scanner). Which means that's another thing I want to get done.

Firefox addons; learn how to update them to use these new WebExtensions APIs.
Which also shows me that my JavaScript knowledge is woefully out of date. It's changed a lot in 20 years.

I've just installed 2 and a half years worth of Windows updates on one of Qiao's old Windows 7 desktop computers, which we haven't used in that long. Because it has iTunes on it, and I don't want to install iTunes on my laptop. But there are a couple of items I want to get, which are only available to download from iTunes. And of course, that meant I needed to install Windows updates too, right? I dunno. It seemed the thing to do even though it took all day. Makes me think I might even be able to get updates working again on my old laptop too, if I wanted to.
Simplifying updates for Windows 7 and 8.1 - a rollup for all updates through April 2016, with only one prerequisite that must be installed first.

Researching family tree stuff. Old census records. Found out my great-great-grandmother had at least 10 children, and possibly 5 more that didn't survive.
Need to determine what kind of open-source program I should use for doing a family tree, so that the data can be exported/imported in a widely compatible format.

Want to replace all the screws for the door lock strike-plates and hinges with 3-inch long screws. And replace some of the strike-plates with ones that take 4 screws instead of 2.

I finally took down the rest of the xmas decorations and put the boxes away. My mom helped me take down the xmas tree a few weeks ago. She and Qiao are as bad as me - once I made my mind up to take them down, they both said "I think you should just leave them up", making me debate it internally all over again.
darkoshi: (Default)
My mom sent me a cassette in 1986, back when I was living in the U.S. with my dad, and she was in Germany. She spoke on it, and let several of my German relatives speak on it too during a family gathering over there, and then let it record in the background while relatives were chatting with each other. She and my aunt sent me a few such tapes during those years, and I likewise recorded and sent a few to them. When we ran out of things to speak about, we recorded music on the remainder of the tape.

I must not have listened to this tape in a long time. Six minutes into recording the first side onto my computer, the tape got stuck in the player. I managed to pull the tape back out without breaking it. I twisted the tape back into the shell. The reels weren't turning smoothly or easily, which is why it got stuck. The part of the tape which had been stuck was crinkled up, and I worried that it might get stuck again.

This page: FRUSTRATED by old cassette tapes binding my decks
Try slapping the sides of the cassettes firmly against the palm of your hand (do it on both sides.)
This does help in many cases in freeing the layers of tape, and in my case I am talking tapes that go back to 1972.
If the rollers in the cassette are sticking, this could also help loosen them
Then after that, wind them through.

So I tried that. After slapping the cassette, the reels *did* seem to turn more easily. I then fast-forwarded and rewound the whole tape, and started the recording over again. This time it is playing fine.

There are voices on this tape from aunts and uncles who are no longer alive. I didn't even remember that they had spoken on the tape, and that I had any recording of them. What a precious treasure to find.

Update. Ok, while recording the 2nd side, towards the end, the tone started shifting between low and high. So I had to slap the cassette some more, but that fixed it.
darkoshi: (Default)
If I'm to believe things posted/shared on Facebook, it sounds like both my brother and his wife support Trump*. They've both shared posts from some of those fake and misleading news sites. I've seen only a few posts like that from them, but still. It makes me feel the need to waste my time posting replies pointing out the falsehoods and misleadingness of the articles.

(Talking about a news item from 3 years ago as if it is current news? Saying that Moscow banned mosques when the mayor only said they wouldn't issue new building permits? Showing a photo that makes it look like a mosque was being demolished, when the article mentions no such thing?

Saying that based on the latest polls, Trump is leading in nearly all the states, along with a red-filled map... when the article is dated 9/19.. and the referenced web site from where the poll data was averaged, shows a very different picture, currently at least?)

I almost wish that my brother's FB account was hacked again, like he said it was last month, and that someone else was posting those things. But considering his comment along on one of the articles, it sounds like he really did post it. His comment wasn't actually obnoxious, but it totally raises my hackles for him to be sharing or rather spreading a story that is so blaringly fictitious. Yes, I also wasted time looking up whether the story was in any way real, and I found no indication that it was.

*Though I don't think he's eligible to vote, unless he took on U.S. citizenship without telling me. And he previously linked to some article, saying that if you think your vote matters, you should read it... I didn't, but it was probably about how the system is rigged, and that it doesn't really make a difference who wins, or something along those lines. Which is a line of thinking that's a bit closer to my own, but hell yes I am still going to vote, and it won't be for Trump. I will vote for Hillary, even though I don't trust her in various ways. But I certainly trust her to do things more in line with what I think is right, than I do Trump.


Tuesday, March 1st, 2016 11:36 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
An uncle* of mine has written a book/memoir of his life:
The Kraut: On Being German after 1940

He was born in Germany, grew up in the U.K., and emigrated to the U.S. at the age of 17.

I've been reading it during my lunch times, in between walking** and eating. Some of it is rather dark, topic-wise, and some of it is hard to follow. But it's quite interesting.

It's available on Kindle or as a paperback, if anyone is curious about it.

* My mom's half-sister's cousin's husband's first wife's son.

** I've increased my walking circuit by about 10 minutes. My pedometer indicates I'm now getting up to about 8000 steps per day doing so.

passport rules

Saturday, June 27th, 2015 10:48 am
darkoshi: (Default)
This is news to me.

I thought that for international travel, besides needing a visa and immunizations for certain countries, that you only needed to ensure your passport wouldn't expire during your trip. For good measure, having a buffer of a few extra weeks seemed wise.

Now I've found out that many European countries require your passport to be valid for 3 months after your planned departure date. Many other countries won't let you enter unless your passport's expiration date is at least 6 months in the future.

Which Countries Require Multiple Months of Passport Validity?

It must not have used to be that way. One time in my teens, my passport expired in the middle of a trip to Germany, and I had to get it renewed at a consulate or embassy over there.


An uncle of mine in Germany passed away this Thursday. He was old and not in the best of health, so it wasn't very unexpected.

I was considering this morning the feasibility of a last-minute trip to Germany for the funeral and to visit with my few remaining German relatives. And that maybe this is why something kept me from sending in my passport renewal this last week. Once I send it in, I'll be without a passport for 4 to 6 weeks until the new one is sent to me. The current one is still good through August, so I thought that would still allow for a trip before then.

But no, with the 3 month rule, my current passport isn't good enough.

Regular passport renewals cost $110. Expedited passport service (3 weeks) costs $60 extra, plus about $30 for overnight delivery charges. Private companies offer faster service up to the same business day for an extra $250 beyond that.

I suppose all those extra fees, in addition to how much a last-minute flight would cost, isn't worth it for a funeral. It's unfortunate though, as Qiao has the summer off this year (he's an instructor), and could have come with me for a trip now. Later in the year he won't be able to.


Dagnabit travel restrictions.

It seems a definite flaw that you can't use your current passport while you're in the process of getting it renewed. You're stuck in the mud if you send your passport in for the regular or even the expedited renewal service, and then find out that you need to make an emergency trip in the mean time.

Furthermore, you can't apply for expedited service unless you have proof of travel plans such as plane tickets. So you have to buy your plane tickets before even being sure that you'll get your passport renewed in time to use the tickets. You can't apply for expedited service just in case you might need to travel 2 or 3 weeks from now.

Soooo. 6 months advance plus 2 months processing time = Send your passport in for renewal at least 8 months before its expiration date, and during a time when it's unlikely for any unexpected trips to become necessary. (Yep, you're supposed to know when unexpected things are unlikely to happen.)
darkoshi: (Default)
Often after picking up Serena and taking her outside, one of my arms starts to itch, and a few small pink bumps appear on the skin. I wash my arm, and after a bit it goes away. I wonder what Serena has on her fur that affects me. When I had allergy skin tests done in the past, they didn't indicate an allergy to dogs (or if so, not a significant allergy - I'm not totally sure how to interpret the numbers).


Yesterday I looked through 2 photo albums with my mom. There were photos of my mom's childhood which I'm not sure I ever saw before. Even a photo of her foster parents' wedding from 1937. Trying to see details in the photos made my eyes feel tired and strained. This is the first time I've felt that a magnifying glass would really have been useful. In the past, I've not felt the need for a magnifying glass, except perhaps for splinters, as I could generally see everything just as well without magnification. Such goes getting older.

toys toys toys

Wednesday, December 10th, 2014 10:59 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
I decided to send my cousins' kids in Germany some gifts for Christmas. So I stopped by Target and bought some neat stuff. 4 different cute little hats. A pseudo-bag (with a carrying handle and a tiny zipper compartment) in the shape of a "My Little Pony" with a rainbow-colored mane and tail. An orange yo-yo. Some stickers. 2 little toy cars. A "Pinpressions" toy.

I bought a red light saber for myself and Qiao. It lights up, has a motion sensor, and makes light-sabery noises! I couldn't resist.

After getting home, I realized that I had lost the yo-yo on the way to the checkout counter. It wasn't in my bags nor listed on the receipt. So yesterday I went back and bought 2 yo-yos (so that both older kids can have one; can a 6 year old handle a yo-yo?), another PinPressions toy (because they are so much fun), another My Little Pony bag (this one yellow with a pink mane)(because so cute), and another 2 little toy cars (so each kid could potentially have one).

I combed the one pony's mane as it was tangled. I'd like to try out the cars, as I didn't have any of those when I was a kid. Taking them out of their packages would reduce the shipping weight (excuse). I already took the yo-yos out of their packages. I'm tempted to try on the hats, but won't, to avoid stretching them out of shape.

Now if I would stop playing with the toys and actually pack them, the kids might possibly get them before January.

I was debating how to avoid gendering the gifts. Giving the boys My Little Pony bags might not go over so well, while giving them only to the girls could be unfair. The kids are still fairly young - 3 to 10 years old, and I don't know them well enough to know what kind of things they like. Two of the hats were from the boys' section, and two were from the girls' section. But the girls might not necessarily prefer the girl hats or vice versa.

The solution I decided on was to let the kids choose which items they want. Oldest kid can choose one item first, then younger kid can choose 1, and so on until everything is taken.


Monday, August 18th, 2014 08:37 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
Qiao and I drove to Massachusetts to visit family last week.

The HappyCow App was very useful in helping me find nearby vegan/vegetarian restaurants to stop at for lunch&dinner on the way there and back. I'd highly recommend the app and website for other traveling vegans. (However, the app starts automatically in the background when I turn on my phone, and apparently tries to connect to the internet right away. Why? I don't know. In case you don't like it doing that, you may want to search via the happycow.net website instead of installing the app.)

One highway rest area, in Virgina I believe, had a nice big building. One of the vending machines had oranges in it!

You know how the motels have little soaps and bottles of shampoo and such? One motel also had a packet labeled "Deluxe Vanity Kit". Curious, I opened it. It contained 2 cotton swabs, a cotton ball, and a tiny emery board. Deluxe, indeed.

Another motel had a cute rubber ducky in the bathroom to greet us.

Lately, I've acquired a taste for this "Synergy" line of kombucha drinks. They have a slightly sour flavor like apple cider vinegar, but are also slightly sweet, and naturally effervescent!

darkoshi: (Default)
I've gone through a few more old family documents. A couple are written in an old German cursive script that was hard for me to decipher. But I was finally able to read them using the charts shown at the top of this page.


There are so many weird noises in this room. I saw a cockroach a few days ago; it hid before I could catch it. I think it must be making some of the noises. Several times over the last months, every once in a while I hear a distinct chewing/crunching noise from inside the wall at the top of the doorway to the kitchen. It usually happens late at night. I've wondered if a squirrel could have gotten in between the walls. Or a mouse or rat. But maybe that is a cockroach too; it's weird how small things can make big noises sometimes.

Tonight, while watching Downton Abbey, I heard a noise to the right, looked over, and even saw the cup on top of the small cabinet move/shake! I picked up a flashlight (there are bunches of flashlights in this house) and carefully peeked behind the cabinet. Nothing there. I peeked into the cup. Nothing there.

If I believed in ghosts, I'd think there was a ghost in this room.


Sherlock season 3 is being aired on our local PBS station on Sundays right after Downton Abbey. It starts at 10pm and is scheduled for 2 hours each episode. That would make me late for bed. I decided to watch the rerun instead, which starts an hour earlier on Thursday. Last Sunday I was tempted to stay up and watch part of it anyway, but had to nix that due to dealing with a malfunctioning washer.

I ended up watching it online on Tuesday and on TV on Thursday. For the TV broadcast, I turned on closed captions, to catch some of the dialogue I missed during my first viewing.

Today I was good again and turned off the TV before Sherlock came on. I'm still up late for other reasons, but I'll surely be in bed earlier than I would be otherwise.


Oh gosh now a noise is coming from behind a different cabinet.

family history

Sunday, October 6th, 2013 11:45 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
After my aunt died, my mom kept some of her documents. I've been going through them, looking for details to help in filling out my family tree. Among the papers are letters that my mom wrote to my aunt in the years before and after I was born. Reading them is like being able to go back in time.

A few items of general interest:

1970 - a description of what paper plates were; they must not have been widely available yet in Germany.

A surprising statement - "im Alabama gibt es keinen Alkohol" (in Alabama there is no alcohol).
Looking this up, I found that even nowadays there is still one county in Alabama where all alcohol sales are illegal.

Feb 1974 - It cost $9 to make a 3-minute phone call from the U.S. to Germany, and $3 per minute after that. $9 was the minimum charge (that's equivalent to $42.70 in 2013 dollars).
Feb 1972 - It cost $3 per minute plus 10% tax for phone call from Vietnam to the U.S.

Items of personal interest:

I had chickenpox before my 2nd birthday! (I was always under the impression that I'd never had chickenpox, and that I therefore might still be able to catch it. But this means that I could instead get shingles.)

If I had been born a boy, my name would have been "Bryan Patrick".

My dad was stationed in Vietnam for one year, and was over there when I was born. He oversaw helicopter repairs or something like that, and wasn't in an actual war zone or involved in combat.

Apparently I wasn't a well behaved little toddler.

When I was 1 and a half years old (translated from German):
She climbs around energetically - most preferably onto the table - up and down; no dishes, no letter being written, nothing is safe from her.

In the garden she digs holes with D*** (the dog) and heaps sand on him; in the house - oh God - she falls down stairs, bangs herself badly on everything and therefore constantly has swollen bruises on her head, legs and even her butt. She clears out all the cabinets; scatters sugar, cookies, cocoa, anything she can reach; every day she tears the backing of the carpet a little more. She feeds D*** the expensive dog food all at once (normally we only give him one piece of it a day and the cheaper food otherwise). Besides feeding her own mouth, she also feeds D*** bananas and cookies, and the bad thing is - spanking does not help with her, and my mouth is worn out from saying "No, no".

When I was 2 years old:
She eats like a little pig and gets herself so dirty that onlookers are amused - clothing, hands, arms and hair - usually all full of food. She starts to eat very pretty and neat, but as soon as you look away for one moment, she starts to play with the food, even when she's still hungry. D*** always has to be on the leash now or outside, as otherwise she throws him a lot of good pieces high in the air, and shrieks with joy when he catches them.

family history

Monday, May 27th, 2013 09:52 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
I've been going through some old letters of my mom's, while working on the family tree.

One of my German great-aunts was Catholic and very religious. In her letters, she often urged my mom to pray and to do the rosary, and things like that, as it was necessary for getting into heaven. Her version of Catholicism seems quite cult-like to me.

In one of her letters, she told my mom that she had asked a priest whom she was friends with to get in touch with my brother, who was in Munich at the time. The priest had invited my brother to come hear him speak. Apparently, my brother declined, and the aunt wrote to my mother that she had been horrified to find out that my brother belonged to the "Bakhwans" (he was a sannyasin of Bhagwan). She said that must be the worst sect/cult ever! In light of her own religiosity, that amused me.

But one very interesting thing I found was an account of how she fled the East with her family. Even though they were not Jewish, she wrote that at one point, Oskar Schindler helped them out:
"...wir fuhren nach Brünn/Brüsau zu Oskar Schindler, der ein großer Wohltäter an den jüdischen Familien war. Er hatte dort eine Fabrik und gab uns auf den Weg viele Ballen Stoffe mit, damit wir uns damit über Wasser halten konnten."

But I'm not quite sure how he helped them; I don't quite understand the meaning of the 2nd sentence. It sounds like he gave them bolts of cloth... Maybe they sold it for money? Or made clothes from it?

jingle bells

Thursday, December 30th, 2010 12:40 am
darkoshi: (Default)
13 days into my 16-day vacation, and I still haven't read a single page of the book I'm "reading". Perhaps it doesn't interest me much after all.

Instead, I've been shopping, cleaning, cooking, putting together gifts, decorating, sewing, visiting with people, as well as the other usual things. I don't feel like I've done anything particularly fun so far. (What would be fun to do?)

Basic vegan cream cheese pie recipe, from old PETA magazine clippings I had:
2 8-oz containers of vegan cream cheese
1 cup sugar
juice of a whole lemon (or 4 Tbsp, depending on the recipe)
1 tsp vanilla
2 Tbsp cornstarch (one recipe includes this, another doesn't)
Blend together ingredients until smooth. Pour into a graham pie crust. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 to 60 minutes or until top is golden brown.

Taking the dogs to (hopefully) get micro-chipped tomorrow. Serena has an appointment to get neutered in 2 weeks. On Friday I'm going to a funeral for one of Qiao's family friends.

It snowed, and I didn't even get excited about it this time. I mean, I was a little bit excited before it snowed, but then I realized that it would be easier all around if it didn't, and then it snowed, but I was busy shopping online and sewing, and didn't really care.


I got nice xmas presents.

My dad and his wife almost visited me... they are driving cross-country to California, and forecasts of bad weather up north made them consider a southerly route which would have let them stop by my place. But then the blizzard started threatening the whole east coast, so they reconsidered and took a different route after all.

I bought a pair of fleece-lined jeans, and then decided that they would be much more comfortable with a shorter crotch. So I took off the waistband, cut off an inch or two all around, took in the sides a bit, and then sewed the waistband back on. I'm still sewing the belt loops back on.

Oh joy joy joy to the world. Hope you're having a good one.
darkoshi: (Default)
Since 2006, I've had a DVD that I haven't been able to play. I had tried playing it in several DVD players and on a few computers with DVD drives, but it didn't work in any of them. The DVD was supposed to contain video of a trip my German aunt had been on. A friend in Germany sent it to us after my aunt died. I suspected that the disk had not been finalized, and that was why I was not able to play it back.

Forestfen and I got to watch the video while visiting the aforementioned friend in Germany. But it always disappointed me that I hadn't been able to get that DVD to play so we could watch it again.

Today I came across a note I had written long ago, when I was trying to figure out a way of recovering the DVD. At the time, I didn't have a DVD drive in my computer. But I had made a note to download IsoBuster on a computer which did have a DVD drive, and to see if IsoBuster could recover the video.

So, today I did that. And IsoBuster was able to recover the video!!!! Yeah!

edited to correct date

dog housing success

Saturday, March 6th, 2010 12:53 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
Zorro has become comfortable with her doghouse. At first when I started putting her bowl of food in there, she would look at me with a grief-stricken expression, as if I didn't love her anymore. But I continued doing it, and stuck many treats inside, and stabilized the floor better. For about a week she was hesitant and afraid of the doghouse, but then she went from only stepping inside with 2 paws in order to reach the food, to stepping in with all four paws, to turning around inside, and then to actually laying down inside, all within 2 days. Yesterday when me and Q came back from eating out, she was lying in her house sleepily watching us, and didn't even get up to come greet us when we opened the gate of the yard! Today I've put the 2nd half of the roof back on.


Bro has come and gone. His airplane made it to Hawaii, so I assume he must have made it there as well, although I haven't heard from him yet.


I've been working lots of extra hours at work, trying to meet a deadline. I've come to realize that the deadlines are never-ending and ever-shifting, yet I still feel like I need to try to meet this one. I keep thinking, that after this deadline, that is it, and that I'll go back to working my regular number of hours, regardless of what the managers say. But I rather enjoy part of the work I'm doing, and it feels good to accomplish things, which makes me procrastinate stopping work in the evenings. I'm still officially at 35 hours a week, and even though I've been averaging 40 hours or more for months now, I don't want to go officially back to 40 hours. It's nice to think that I'm only working extra hours because I want to, or because I've given in to doing it, as opposed to because I have too. And if I were officially at 40 hours, maybe I'd feel the need to put in even more overtime, just to feel like I was doing my "part". Other people are working weekends, but so far, I haven't been.

(no subject)

Sunday, December 13th, 2009 01:37 am
darkoshi: (Default)
I went to a step show this evening. My nephew was performing with his high school team. All the performances were very good. I'll post video clips of some highlights, if the videos turned out well.


I went to a chiropractor who also does acupuncture, about my lower back pain. He took x-rays. The spacing between my vertebrae looks normal, which is very good news. I was worried that I might have a problem with my disks. He mentioned that the bones are a little kinked; not totally straight. Perhaps that is what causes me to get achy. It didn't sound like the kinkiness could be fixed though; that was quite disappointing. He did some acupuncture on me, and elecrostim.... on the first appointment I was very skeptical about the benefit of this treatment - it might soothe or numb the pain, but if it's not fixing the source of the problem, the pain will just keep coming back, so why bother? I felt like crying from disappointment during the half hour I was lying down, first with 4 needles in my back and a heat lamp shining on them, then with the elecrostim pads on me.

Nevertheless, after the treatment I went to a store, and my back didn't ache like it usually does when I'm shopping. It didn't ache for 3 days, until the weekend when I was out shopping for longer. Then it started aching quite a bit again.

A week later, on my 2nd appointment, I was feeling optimistic about the acupuncture. But this time they did the electrostim first, with a too-hot heating pad over it. There not being any easy way to get a nurse's attention while laying on my stomach with my head towards the wall, I suffered through it. It wasn't unbearable, just uncomfortable. Did I mention that I don't even like electrostim treatments? I had a bad experience with it from one of my prior chiropractors. That time, it must have been set too high, and I didn't like the sensation at all. After the electrostim and hot-pad, I got the acupuncture again; this time, the needles were connected to an elecrostim unit too. After the treatment, I went shopping again. My back started aching, so that day's treatment didn't seem to be effective - probably due to it being uncomfortable instead of soothing. But I bought a new hot-pack to use on my back once in a while, and hopefully that will help somewhat.


I am so glad that the problem with my leg muscle went away this year, and that my legs are flexible again. I can *move* again, as evidenced by my last video posts.

(no subject)

Thursday, September 24th, 2009 07:37 am
darkoshi: (Default)
Bro and Pard have finally moved out. It's a good feeling, having my house back to myself again. Being able to have the whole house clean, being able to have a clean kitchen and clean dishes; and knowing that they will stay relatively clean unless I make them dirty. Being able to use the bottom shelf in the fridge again.

I think they tried hard to keep things clean and not to be a bother to me. But obviously I'm more finicky about cleanliness and neatness than them.

That's one of the benefits of having my own place; being able to keep it as clean and uncluttered as I want. At Forestfen's, I had no control over the clutter because it wasn't my stuff.

Qiao did something nice for me yesterday, but I reacted badly to it. I wish I had been more gracious. Last week, I had exclaimed to Qiao that Bro and Pard had used all my plastic food containers. So Qiao bought me a big box of tupperware of different shapes and sizes... but my immediate reaction was consternation, thinking that I didn't need *that* many containers, and thinking that it would fill up and clutter my cupboards. That's sort of an issue with me. I don't want my house to end up looking like Forestfen's did. I like having some free space in the cabinets and closets; not having everything totally full. I like the house to feel open and airy, not full of too much furniture and stuff.

(no subject)

Saturday, May 23rd, 2009 08:30 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
I don't know yet how to go about either getting top surgery or getting on antidepressants. The latter seems simpler - look up psychologists in my health insurance directory, and choose one. The former involves more research and deciding if I really want to go ahead with it, and finding out if I can even get it done. But I wonder if I get on antidepressants, if that could make it harder to get top surgery. Maybe a doctor would think that me being on psych meds was a sign of mental instability. It's probably hard enough convincing a doctor that I want my breasts removed even though I don't plan on presenting as male.

I just noticed that Bro and Pard chipped the inside finish on one of my enamel pots. It shouldn't bother me; it's just a pot. Friends and family are more important than pots, right? It seems like I should appreciate having them here more than I do; it seems like I should enjoy their company and their presence, and not just always be finding fault with things.

I read this post earlier. At first, I thought, "Aw, that's sweet, someone in love". But then I got to thinking, that I've never really felt that way about anyone - being in love and missing the other person's physical presence. I even find it hard to imagine. The closest thing I can think of is when I had my first crush (as well as the 2nd), and I missed being able to communicate/interact with that person when he wasn't online and when he did not respond to my emails in a timely manner. I suppose that if we had been having a lot of physical interactions that were as exciting as the online interactions, that then I might have also missed his physical presence.

I missed Q's online presence too, at times, in the beginning. Now we don't interact online anymore... I still miss that somewhat, when I think about it. There's something I get, when chatting online with someone, that I don't get in their physical presence. I suppose that must seem odd to other people. Or maybe it's just the sexual tension that used to be there, which isn't anymore. Maybe that is what I miss, and even if we chatted online now, it would not be the same as it was back then.

I don't miss Q on the days he's not here... I know he's coming back in a day or two, so what is there to miss? I only get sad and think about missing him, when I think about us breaking up. Because then he wouldn't be back, ever.

I get to feeling sorry for myself when I think about such things. Poor me, I don't like anyone enough to miss them. Poor me, there's no sexual tension in my life. Poor me, I've lost the capability to feel sexual tension. Poor ole me.

I had a sexual dream last night. It involved rubber sandals. Q was in a part of it. It wasn't a particularly memorable or special dream, but I was feeling subby in it. And oddly, it also included a woman from work whom I'm not in the least attracted to when I'm awake. In the dream, she was acting domly towards me.

This whole BDSM thing is an unresolved issue with me. I feel bitter and disappointed when I think about BDSM. I can't have sexual tension without D/s. But I don't want to submit to anyone. Because when I do, nothing good comes of it.

Poor ole me. Blah, blah, blah.

(no subject)

Saturday, March 28th, 2009 11:47 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
I bought a pretty little wooden nightstand. The smell of it evokes memories of being at my aunt K's place. It must just be the wood stain or glazing, but still...

Home movies of Thailand, little narrow boats on the river, elephants. The slide projector painting pictures onto the linen-screen... the click, click sound as each slide is advanced... click, click... her voice narrating her stories...

Me, looking through magazines and cutting out pretty pictures. Making a collage... airplanes, sunsets, palm trees, beaches...

Her mineral collection, glittery amethyst and rosenquartz, tiger's-eye... Bro and I playing with little translucent colored pieces of plastic - helicopters... soldiers, maybe. I didn't like games of war even then. (Risiko, the board game).
The lamp in the shape of a thick textured glass cube, in the kitchen corner by the table. Rhubarb and ... I don't remember the others or their names. Asterix comics. Biene Maja on TV. Das Sandmaennchen, every night before bed.