Darkoshi

This Reddit thread has many interesting comments:
Can most Americans smile on command ?

There are different opinions as to how common smiling at strangers is in larger U.S. cities.
It seems to be quite uncommon in Eastern Europe.


Here's a small sampling of the other comments; these are by no means all of the interesting ones:

Mr_rairkim:
As an Estonian, I don't smile very often. Only in some exceptional circumstances. It's normal in Estonia that people are like that. Also people on family photos have much more neutral expressions.

btz312:
Smiling is like the American bowing. Don’t take it too seriously.
It keeps things easy going in a large multicultural + business culture country.

Zekapri:
Yeah, we also do it without realizing too. I didn’t know it was an American thing to smile at strangers until I travelled outside the states and it was pointed out. I’ve been to countries where it’s no where near common.

Dangerous-Sort-6238:
I moved to Brooklyn in my early 20s. The very lovely Russian shop keeper pulled my aside to let me know I “looked like a fool always smiling at everyone”.

Calan_adan:
Depends on where you go, though. Smiling at people is pretty common in a lot of sub-Saharan African countries.

DualcockDoblepollita:
its not an american thing. Plenty of countries out there where people smile often. We smile all the time in spain. I would even say that countries where people are serious all the time are the exception and not the rule

techno-wizardry
Is the dude nod an American thing too? Or is that more universal.

Longjumping_Youth281:
Smile at strangers? Is this like a southern or mid Western thing? I feel like that might come across as odd in some of the cities of New England and the Northeast.
I mean there's just too many people around to smile at. You would either have to be permanently smiling all day or choose specific strangers to smile at at which point they would think why is this dude singling me out and smiling at me?

Zekapri:
lol it’s not a head on smile. Think of almost an awkward smile. Like closed lip for a few seconds. We’re not fully perma smiling at people. Not every state might do it but it is a lot more common in America

Forking-shirtballs:
Yes. And especially in the Midwest it would be considered strange not to.

PunkCPA:
There are two types of smiles. The social smile, which is what you're likely to see with Americans, is a message to others. You may mean to say that you are well-disposed, or interested in what they say, or sorry for a small inconvenience, etc. It's quite flexible. It's also a cultural convention, not a universal behavior.
Don't confuse it with the Duchenne smile. It's also called "a smile that reaches the eyes." That's usually an involuntary reaction of pure delight and has even been observed in Estonia.

Jungletoast-9941
Yes it is a big part of the culture. As a Canadian ppl say we have a specific smile for when you are passing someone on the street. Usually a half smile. We do it to show we acknowledge the stranger and mean no harm. If you are interested, there are a lot of greetings that have been studied by sociologists. For example handshakes developed as a way to show you had no weapon.

wingedcoyote
Sorry, there's nothing at all wrong with the question and this is just my probably warped perspective as an American, but the idea of whole nations of people being so habitually dour that the idea of deliberately smiling seems foreign and confusing has me authentically chuckling.
I'd like to add that, at least IMO, when one deliberately smiles it usually isn't just a physical motion of the face -- it starts with refocusing your mental state on something positive in your situation, and letting that thought "steer" your face instead of whatever else you were thinking. Forcing a smile when you're actually fully unhappy would feel fake and has a much higher chance of looking fake. Also, while I think this ability is socially useful and can even be psychologically beneficial, the expectation of it is unfortunately a hardship for autistic folks who often find it much more difficult.

Mudbuda
I'm an English student currently studying in Tallinn, Estonia and I've really found this to be a big cultural difference! My host family hardly smile at me and at first it was off-putting, until I realised it's just the culture and it doesn't mean they dislike me.

RiverJai:
For what it's worth, I spent three weeks in Helsinki several years back. I definitely noticed how no one ever made eye contact or smiled out in public. No one greeted anyone else, and friendly small talk was right out. It was a very odd feeling walking around feeling invisible and totally disconnected from other humans like that. It was one of the most unexpected and stark culture shocks I experienced... Really didn't see it coming, and I honestly had a lot of trouble being around so many people showing no happiness or warmth, like a permanent fog of depression.
I learned that it was truly cultural, and no judgement on that. It was just the literal opposite of American social behaviors that I didn't realize were a lot less global.

rando439
Yes. In many situations not smiling = threatening. Smiling is meant to put the other person at ease. Any time eye contact is made, there is a good chance someone is going to feel insulted or threatened without smiles being exchanged. They don't even have to be real to the eyes smiles and, in fact, it's better if they don't in some cases.
Now, why everyone is needing to be reassured in the first place is another question I do not have the answer to.

SnooLentils3008
I actually read something about this. Back hundreds of years ago America was full of strangers from distant lands who didn’t speak the same languages. So they became extra expressive with smiling and such to show they meant well and weren’t a threat because it was the only way they could communicate it quickly.
So now to this day smiling is much more common in “nations of immigrants”. Here in Canada if you shake someone’s hand to meet them it might almost seem a bit hostile if they have a serious expression in their face (depending on context). “Resting bitch face” I’m sure is much more of a thing here than in a lot of other places. Usually at least a slight smile shows friendliness here

When my grandparents were young:
(From what I've heard) People didn't lock their front doors. Neighbors might even walk right in without knocking. Actually, apparently some people still are like that.

When I was young:
People locked their doors. If someone knocked on it or rang the doorbell, you'd open it (after looking through the peep-hole to see who it was). "Knock, knock. Who's there?" was a popular category of jokes.

Nowadays:
Someone knocks on a door. The person inside doesn't answer it, but posts to Nextdoor warning all their neighbors to watch out for a person who's going around knocking on doors, along with a detailed description of the person.

(Best watched full screen)



Video title: Dead Can Dance Kiko HD
Posted by: musicaeternal
URL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWGKwNt9NY8
Date posted: Aug 29, 2013

This was a very interesting read. Several of the things mentioned in the article made me think of my niece, who was born in 1995; things which I thought were simply traits of hers, but which may be more general traits of her generation.

Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?

Changed the sheets.
Washed 2 loads.
Washed dishes.
Watched a double episode of Criminal Minds (wasn't planning to, but got caught up in the story while Qiao was watching it).
Took a shower, cleaned the bottom of the shower curtain.
Figured out how to lift up/remove the front porch handrail so that I can reattach it to the brick (I need to replace the screws that used to hold it in place).
Transplanted some border grass from a place it doesn't need to be growing to a bare spot by the fence.
Went out to eat Indian for dinner, shopped at an Asian grocery - got some fresh Methi (Fenugreek) leaves and a can of Tangerine Schweppes.
Looked up info on kalira as we had seen them in a painting at the restaurant and not known what they were.
Browsed the internet.
Played Words With Friends.

Ask Culture and Guess Culture - points out some interesting differences of perspective among different people regarding what is polite or not. I'd probably instead call it "Ask Culture" versus "Beat-around-the-bush Culture" or maybe versus "Drop-hints-and-wait-to-be-offered Culture".

The MetaFilter post was regarding a specific situation: An acquaintance asking if they could stay at your house for a certain number of days.

Some people feel this is a perfectly acceptable question, and that one should simply reply "No" if one does not want to allow it (I think I fall into that category). Other people feel that even asking such a question is quite rude - that you can mention you'll be in town (and possibly hope that you may be offered a place to stay), but you should never directly ask the question, as that could put the other person in the "uncomfortable position of having to say no".

I suppose the latter people feel that their home is a sanctuary; sacrosanct; and that it is highly rude for anyone to ask to stay over unless they've first been invited to do so. Perhaps the discomfort with saying No is related to the culture valuing the appearance of graciousness and friendliness, but only up to a point which is assumed to be understood by everyone involved. Going beyond that point is seen as rude.

I doubt the "Ask" versus "Guess" thing applies to all questions, only certain kinds... perhaps only questions which could be considered to be asking for a favor. Surely the latter group feel it is okay to ask other things such as "Would you like to meet somewhere to eat dinner together while I'm in town?".

However, even the question about staying over at someone's house has many aspects to consider. It doesn't have to be considered a favor. Some people communicate very rarely, but still consider each other friends, and might still like to meet up with each other occasionally. Among some people, having someone they haven't seen in a long time stay over at their house could be seen as a great way to catch up with them, even if the main purpose of the other person's trip isn't to visit with them. Other people only feel friendly with people whom they remain in close contact with, and wouldn't consider having lesser acquaintances stay over. One person may see things from the one point of view, while the other person may see it from the other point of view.

Among some acquaintances, it may seem a natural thing that if they are traveling to your town, that you might offer them a place to stay, and that they'd reciprocate if you were traveling to their town.

Given how many friends and acquaintances a person may have, it may not be possible to remember which of those people have offered you a place to stay while visiting, versus those who haven't. With the "Guess" group of people, it seems you could only safely ask the question of close family members, even if other people had explicitly offered it to you in the past.

There may also be an issue with some people saying things like "We'd love to have you over sometime" without really meaning it. Don't some people say that simply out of politeness, not expecting the other person to ever take them up on the offer? And perhaps some people mean it in the sense of "I wouldn't mind you dropping by for an hour or so" while other people mean it in the sense of "I wouldn't mind you dropping by for a few days".

There will always be some people who might want to take advantage of you by getting a free place to stay, while not caring about you otherwise. Some people may pretend friendship and end up robbing you or worse. But simply asking if it is okay to stay over doesn't mean that the person is trying to take advantage.

This is all very theoretical for me. I haven't ever had a non-family member ask to stay at my house, nor have I ever asked to stay over at a non-family member's house. My perspective is based on my mom and her friends. When traveling, my mom has several times stayed with old friends, and old friends have occasionally visited her.

This is a very strange t-shirt.

These pants are quite striking.

I got to see a performance, "Highlights of Classic Chinese Theater", yesterday. The performers were a group of students of Beijing Opera, from China. They performed episodes from various plays. The costumes and make-up were fantastic. Some parts reminded me of my own dancing; there's certain movements I do when dancing, which are like theirs. I probably picked up those movements from various things I watched when I was younger.

The last episode was a fight scene between 2 warriors in the dark. The stage was not dark, but the play was based on them not being able to see each other. It was wonderful.

If any of you have the opportunity to watch a performance of Beijing Opera, I highly recommend it.

Next week there is going to be a performance of Chinese folk dancing at the Koger Center. I am thinking of attending that one too.