Darkoshi

A little something to make you smile, maybe.

Luckily not all of the things mentioned in the song apply to me so far, but several do!

I am still working, really!, I just opened Youtube to turn on some background music.



Video title: Chamomile - Gangnam Style Parody Song for us Older Ones!
Posted by: Shirley Șerban
Date posted: 2025/03/05



This is what I'm going to be listening to:
Yeasayer - All Hour Cymbals *FULL ALBUM*
My clock radio played the last song, "Red Cave", this morning. The sound was special and intrigued me about the rest of the album.

That's happened a few times lately. Google Sound Search comes in very handy to identify the songs. Twice, it was able to identify a song based solely on the last two seconds of the song (when I was slow to open the app), with only the winding down sounds of the instruments - that seems so amazing (especially with audio from an over-the-air radio which has a certain amount of static rather than perfect digital sound quality).

One of those other songs is worthy of mention here too. But it is not light-hearted so I'll leave it for possibly another time.

I think of cooking this whole wheat couscous for dinner.
The container is about 3/4 empty, so I could finally use it up.
The contents smell stale, but maybe not too bad. I think fresh couscous may smell the same way?
I read the date on the container...
"BEST IF USED BEFORE MAY 21, 2010"

What, 2010!!!??? How can I have had this in my cupboard since 2010!??

Well then, it probably really is stale and better not to be eaten.

..

I could have sworn I bought these 2 boxes of Matzo Ball mix 2 years ago. I thought that was when I made matzo balls for the first time, for Christmas.
But no, the date on these packages is JUN 27 2018.
And when I check my notes, it was Thanksgiving of 2017 when I made them last, not 2019.
Sigh.
At least these aren't too old to still cook. But it would require more effort than I want to do tonight. Maybe this weekend.

..

So I open a can of stuffed grape leaves to eat with the leftover canned Delhi Saag and Pigeon Peas which I opened yesterday.

But then while heating that I think to myself:
That couscous has been patiently sitting in that cupboard since 2010.. All the things that have happened in my life since 2010!... patiently waiting.
HOW CAN I POSSIBLY just throw it away!? No, I have to at least cook it and see how it turns out.

..
Update, 2021/12/11:
I cooked the couscous with a bouillon cube and a tablespoon of margarine (instead of the teaspoon indicated by the instructions). It tasted pretty good, better than when I cooked it in the past; that must be the right way to cook couscous.

Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin stepping down as CEO and president

They look so young in that photo, I checked their ages.
Sure enough, they're both more than a year younger than me.

.

This morning I saw a senior citizen discount offered to anyone 55 or older, and realized that would be me in a mere 7 years. Inconceivable. I still feel like the same young person inside, just with more experiences and a worse memory.

I'm over 40 years old. Thinking about it the other day, it seemed to me that 40 years isn't that long at all. 40 winters. 40 Christmases. 40 summers. Four sets of double-handprints. You could put down a mark for each year it wouldn't take up much space at all.

And yet, when I was 10 years old, didn't it seem that those 10 years were an eternity?

And these 40 years have been an eternity too.

.

Nasal rhymes with Basil*. Where that thought came from? Oh, I was misreading the 2nd word in "Africa Brasil".

*Now that I think of it, they wouldn't rhyme in a British accent.
.

11 audio cassettes laying on the table. I recorded them to the computer, but still need to process the files. Need to do that before I record any more.

A German/English dictionary. For when I get back to reading the family letters.

A washcloth. For wiping off tears. Left on the table from the last time I had a cry, quite a while back. I rarely cry anymore, in comparison to how much I used to. I still feel like it once in a while, but it seems pointless, and I can usually distract myself from it.

A lamp socket. There's another lamp that I need to fix.

Xylitol wintergreen mints. For my teeth. The mints taste so good I could eat them all up at once. Some of my teeth are eroded at the gum line, and I want the enamel to grow back. I'm experimenting. Since my last dental cleaning, every evening after brushing my teeth, I've flossed, and then swished with a mild children's fluoride rinse. Plus xylitol mints and gum during the day.

.

It's as if I'm determined to go to bed late every time.

.

Oh and these weird sudden itches out of the blue. Like on the back of my knee, yesterday. Right now, on my left ankle.

My alma mater's mailing list sometimes includes a mathematical brain teaser in their emails. Often, when I first look at the brain teaser, it seems like it should be easy to solve. Sometimes, it is. Other times, it takes me a long time to figure out (or I may even give up, deciding I have other pressing things to do with my time).

I wonder if I could have solved these problems quicker/easier, when I was younger. Or if they would have been the same difficult for me, back then.

Latest brain teaser:
There is a number less than 3,000 that when divided by 2 leaves a remainder of 1, when divided by 3 leaves a remainder of 2, when divided by 4 leaves a remainder of 3, when divided by 5 leaves a remainder of 4, when divided by 6 leaves a remainder of 5, and so on up to nine.
What is that number?

( How I finally solved it )

my god/dess is the trickster
life is a cosmic joke
(a bad one!, you!)

and one of my other names is bellatrix

was doing a google search today and the page summaries on this first page of results was just weird.
like something mischievous got into google's cache and jumbled it all up.

there's someone at work whom i see every not so often
(ze doesn't work in my area)
ze intrigues me... dresses like a guy but seems certainly to be female bodied.
i wonder what zir gender identity is...
could it be an ftm person?
or even someone somewhat androgyne like me?
today i saw zir pass by outside the room i was in,
and ze's hair was cut short, nearly bald!
(wow! like i've had mine a few times...)
i wonder if ze ever sees me and wonders?

even though i sometimes wear "male" clothing,
somehow i don't feel it gives such a distinctive "male" impression...
but perhaps that's just my viewpoint?

isn't that just like me,
to notice someone from a distance and wonder about them,
with no inclination to approach or speak to them...
what could i say,
"you intrigue me. do you mind telling me what your gender identity is?"
whew. what a mouthful.

hmmm. i like the newfound te/tai/ta pronouns
but my previous preference ze/zir seems more widespread.
so which shall i use?
te wouldn't be so good for that story of mine,
considering the main character's name is Tee...

i've managed recently to have a fantasy
where the characters, androgynes, had breasts.
the genitals were still retractable though...
a sassy character, sort of like a multi-talented drag queen...

age...
i'm usually a younger partner in these fantasies.
inexperienced. naive. that's how i feel in real life.
even if i'm this old in the fantasy,
my partners are at least a little older.
imagining a sexual encounter with someone younger than me is odd.
it's hard to imagine someone younger as having those qualities...
experience, confidence, empathy...
even though i'm sure most real people, including people younger than me,
are much more experienced and confident than i am.
maybe it's just hard imagine someone younger being interested in someone older...
erk. although that's what it is in my case, isn't it!
okay, maybe it's just hard to imagine a younger dominant-type person
being interested in an older sub-type person...

if i'm someday 80 years old, (ugh)
will i still feel young and naive?
do we always feel this way?

::whisper::
no, no... i'm not a self-absorbed psycho...
i'm just a... self-absorbed psycho...
oh, oh...
at least i'm not drowning others in my pit of self-absorption.
right?