darkoshi | some days

Some days, doing anything is hard. Listless, tired, lacking energy - mentally and physically. Some days are just like that; I know that other days will be easier.

Plagued by indecisiveness - second and triple-guessing every decision.

Do I really want to go grocery shopping? No, not really. Do I really need to? Well... Maybe not. But it would be good to get some food. I really ought to. But it's already late afternoon. Is there really any point? At this rate it'll be another hour till I'm ready to go. Well hurry up, there's still enough time, so get going already. But what should I wear? Which stores should I go to? Do I really need to go to Rosewood? I guess not. But maybe I should stop by Lowes if I'm going to be out anyway. And maybe Staples. Should I go to Staples or not? Which store should I go to first?

At Lowes, I smelled matches and smoke, but wasn't paying much attention. I thought maybe it was sawdust from lumber having just been cut. One of the employees yelled at someone in the nearby aisle, "What, are you trying to start a fire?!". Huh. I wonder what they were doing. I bought wood putty and key-rings. That went pretty well. It only took me a few minutes to decide which kind of putty to get.

Then I walked back to my car through the rain and sat in it a while, trying to build up enough energy/motivation to start the car.

At Staples: Oh look at all these pretty things. Ah, the mechanical pencils. I'm not getting the kind with a rubber grip anymore as the rubber always deteriorates. The remaining ones aren't pretty and have tiny erasers. Should I get one even though it's not pretty? Maybe I should check online for others when I'm back home. They don't have any envelopes made of recycled paper. Maybe I should check online for that too. They don't even have the furniture markers I was looking for, which I remember seeing somewhere. After finally deciding I don't need any of the other pretty things in the store, I leave empty-handed. And sit in my car another 10 minutes, wondering whether I should really still go grocery shopping or not. Tired and feeling like crying for no reason.

A light headache, maybe, not strong enough to really feel. Not bad enough to take Tylenol. Before leaving the house, I forced myself to eat some chocolate, hoping it might pep me up some. I had no appetite for it. It didn't pep me up. But I made it to the other stores, and I bought groceries. And I came home feeling more energized than when I left.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

First consider your sleep habits. The time stamp on many of your blog posts suggests that you are up very late at night and may be experiencing a sleep disorder. You may be thinking that your depression keeps you awake at night, but it may be that your lack of deep REM sleep during total dark hours is effecting your psychological wellbeing and causing depression. Start by getting up at dawn and making your bed. You have then already accomplished two things this day. Set a few more goals to keep you on track and get some exercise too. Find something that makes you feel good and do more of it.

I know I should go to bed earlier. Sometimes I try. It's hard to convince myself to do that when I've got so many things I want to get done. Or when I just don't feel like it.

05:11 am; are you kidding me!
You were at your best when Qiao needed your help. Keep busy.
"Even the longest journey must begin where you stand."

5:11am? Oh, you are seeing the timestamps in UTC - that is 4 hours ahead of EDT (and in the winter, 5 hours ahead of EST). It was 1:11am when I posted that comment. I went to bed at 3.

I was busy prepping this room to caulk it all along the floor's edge today, to keep crawling insects from getting in. Plus I will paint a narrow strip along the bottom of the wall from where I removed the molding. I need to go to the store today to get some paint. I do keep busy; that is why on the days like the one originally described, it frustrates me not to get much done. But I try to accept it, as some days are just that way.

On the weekends, I do well to get to bed by 1am. During the week I aim for 11:30pm as I get up around 7:30. But I don't usually get to bed til 12:30.

some days

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Go to bed

Re: Go to bed