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feline fiesta
My mom just made me laugh. As I was going to the mailbox, she was by her car, scrubbing it with a sponge. She exclaimed "The cats had a party on my car!" Pawprints were all over the hood. "And look at this mark here! A cat must have slid down the windshield!" Can you picture it? :D
I shall make some baklava now. For my foster sister's birthday and for my mom, since tomorrow is mother's day, and since they both like it. And for me, of course.
The green color in my hair fades rather fast. After 2 weeks, the bleached parts were already starting to show. But this cream-type dye is quite easy to apply, much less of a mess and hassle than I originally envisioned, so it doesn't really matter that it doesn't last long. One just needs to brush some of the dye in with an old toothbrush, let it sit half an hour or so, then take a shower and rinse the hair out well. And use an old towel for drying the hair, so that it won't matter if the towel gets stained.
Lying in bed this morning, I told myself that I'm a good person. That I'm a likeable person. That I'm worthy of being loved. And for some reason, it made me want to cry.
It doesn't matter how many people would or could or do think I'm lovable... if I can't envision feeling that way about them. It's so hard for me to envision anyone whom I would want to have a close, caring, serious relationship with. There's been only one person so far in my life, who's affected me enough to make me think I might in some ways feel that way about them, and even with them, there were just as many reasons for me not to feel that way about them. And that was someone who didn't even seem to like me very much.
But I do seem to have some belief in destiny. If something is meant to be, it will be. And if not, then not. Maybe I'm meant to meet someone special someday. Maybe I'm not meant to, and it won't ever happen. Maybe neither option is inherently worse than the other.
And I was crying yesterday again, and observing again, that the act of feeling sad and crying, isn't really such a bad thing. I can feel my chest constricting in anger, my mind shrieking incoherently, the warm tears flowing and dripping... my legs shivering... perhaps it is even like an orgasm... the emotion isn't such a bad feeling itself, when one doesn't pay attention to the thoughts which spark the emotion. Maybe it's even rather nice... maybe that is why I feel like crying sometimes, because it feels good...
I shall make some baklava now. For my foster sister's birthday and for my mom, since tomorrow is mother's day, and since they both like it. And for me, of course.
The green color in my hair fades rather fast. After 2 weeks, the bleached parts were already starting to show. But this cream-type dye is quite easy to apply, much less of a mess and hassle than I originally envisioned, so it doesn't really matter that it doesn't last long. One just needs to brush some of the dye in with an old toothbrush, let it sit half an hour or so, then take a shower and rinse the hair out well. And use an old towel for drying the hair, so that it won't matter if the towel gets stained.
Lying in bed this morning, I told myself that I'm a good person. That I'm a likeable person. That I'm worthy of being loved. And for some reason, it made me want to cry.
It doesn't matter how many people would or could or do think I'm lovable... if I can't envision feeling that way about them. It's so hard for me to envision anyone whom I would want to have a close, caring, serious relationship with. There's been only one person so far in my life, who's affected me enough to make me think I might in some ways feel that way about them, and even with them, there were just as many reasons for me not to feel that way about them. And that was someone who didn't even seem to like me very much.
But I do seem to have some belief in destiny. If something is meant to be, it will be. And if not, then not. Maybe I'm meant to meet someone special someday. Maybe I'm not meant to, and it won't ever happen. Maybe neither option is inherently worse than the other.
And I was crying yesterday again, and observing again, that the act of feeling sad and crying, isn't really such a bad thing. I can feel my chest constricting in anger, my mind shrieking incoherently, the warm tears flowing and dripping... my legs shivering... perhaps it is even like an orgasm... the emotion isn't such a bad feeling itself, when one doesn't pay attention to the thoughts which spark the emotion. Maybe it's even rather nice... maybe that is why I feel like crying sometimes, because it feels good...