soymilk and social interaction

my favorite brand of soymilk, vitasoy, is currently on sale for 99 cents. it has a new packaging; hopefully the taste hasn't changed too. but anyway, as i was pushing my soymilk-laden cart through the aisles of the store today, a guy (a store employee, i assume) came up to me and commented that since i was buying so many soymilks, i could use these coupons... he had a bunch of coupon booklets, and started leafing through them and tearing out the vitasoy ones for me... so i ended up getting them for less than 50 cents each.

but the thing is, soon after this encounter i realized that i only vaguely remembered what this guy looked like - i hadn't been paying
enough attention. and although i did thank him, i'm not sure if i even smiled. (i've been trying to smile more at people lately.)

here this guy was being very nice to me, yet if i came across him in another part of the store, i might not even recognize him with any surety. (damn.)

the problem is that when these kinds of things happen to me - unexpected social interaction - i'm so startled by it, so caught up in dealing with the situation, that i don't pay attention to non-essential details (non-essential at that moment at least) like what the other person looks like.

even when i'm not interacting with people, when i'm just walking by them, i have a tendency to either not look at them or just give them the slightest of glances. there's no reason to stare or to smile at everyone you pass in the store or elsewhere, right? doing so would even seem odd, wouldn't it?

i also often feel somewhat uncomfortable or self-conscious in public. not looking at people is one way that i deal with that. by not looking at people, i don't have to pay attention to how they may be perceiving me. i also don't have to figure out whether to respond to them or not, how to respond, whether to smile, etc.

but this isn't good. i've got to work on paying more attention to people.

what does a person do with glittery nails like these?

wearing black nailpolish isn't as neat as i had imagined it would be.
it seems to make my nails look smaller, by comparison.
it accentuates the smallness of my hands
and doesn't seem gothy at all.

not to mention that the polish comes off easily
and is already chipped at the edges.
and not to mention the initial less-than-elegant look
of having gotten polish on the edges of skin around the nails.

today i put alternating stripes of fuchsia and green glitter
down the center of each nail, on top of the black.
the glitteriness and colors are pretty,
but still... i don't know what to make of them.

these nails confuse my mental self-image, i believe.
i can't place myself...
who has nails like these? (little kids playing with make-up?)
i don't yet have it in my mind that i have nails like this.
and that i am still the same person no matter how glittery my nails are.

was just trying to update my internal vision of strong-warrior-me
to include strong-warrior-with-glittery-nails-me
by swinging my tae-kwon-do bo...

and was suddenly reminded of this painting.
it was my depiction of a fanciful glittery black and pink bo.
but instead of that, my bo is still brown polished wood,
while the black and glitter is on my nails,
and the pink is on my shirt.

ah, maybe vanyel had glittery colored nails...