Darkoshi

wearing black nailpolish isn't as neat as i had imagined it would be.
it seems to make my nails look smaller, by comparison.
it accentuates the smallness of my hands
and doesn't seem gothy at all.

not to mention that the polish comes off easily
and is already chipped at the edges.
and not to mention the initial less-than-elegant look
of having gotten polish on the edges of skin around the nails.

today i put alternating stripes of fuchsia and green glitter
down the center of each nail, on top of the black.
the glitteriness and colors are pretty,
but still... i don't know what to make of them.

these nails confuse my mental self-image, i believe.
i can't place myself...
who has nails like these? (little kids playing with make-up?)
i don't yet have it in my mind that i have nails like this.
and that i am still the same person no matter how glittery my nails are.

was just trying to update my internal vision of strong-warrior-me
to include strong-warrior-with-glittery-nails-me
by swinging my tae-kwon-do bo...

and was suddenly reminded of this painting.
it was my depiction of a fanciful glittery black and pink bo.
but instead of that, my bo is still brown polished wood,
while the black and glitter is on my nails,
and the pink is on my shirt.

ah, maybe vanyel had glittery colored nails...