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One of the things that has held me back from getting top surgery is that some of the surgery result photos I've seen have looked rather unpleasant in terms of uneven scars, puckering of skin, and/or disturbing-looking nipples. Even results which look relatively good to me generally have lasting scars. People taking testosterone may get muscle build-up and/or chest hair growth, which makes the scars less noticeable. But since I have no desire to take T, any scars on my chest would probably stay fairly noticeable.
But it occurred to me today (after watching someone's video), that I could get a nice big tribal-style tattoo done on my chest to hide/cover any such scars. I've never had a burning desire to get any tattoos, but one like that might be both useful and cool-looking.
Other things holding me back:
- worry about how it would affect my relationship with Q.
- worry about the initial healing period after surgery... about who would take care of me during that time. Would I have to hire someone, or would I try to manage all on my own? Even getting to and from the surgery site - would I have to take a taxi? Would I ask Forestfen?
- would I be able to fall asleep at night, having to sleep on my back until the incisions healed? Normally I sleep on my sides. This ought to be a minor issue, but it worries me nevertheless.
- worry about after-surgery complications, which would make me have to get further medical attention. If I had traveled to another state for surgery, and had come back home, where would I go for that medical attention?
- likely having to go to various other sessions/appointments first, in order to get whatever approval letter is required for the surgery.
- it would cost a lot; would it really be worth it for me?
- laziness/apathy. Not wanting to go through all the trouble, when it's not something that will suddenly make my life feel like it is worth living. It would simply be a nice thing, not to have breasts anymore, and to no longer have to deal with the annoyances related to them. That would be a lot of trouble to go through, just for a "nice thing".
..
I sort of feel like I'm waiting to die, like I'm on the down-slope. I don't feel young anymore. I'm old and have nothing I'm yearning to do with my life... what's the point of going through a lot of trouble, for anything?
But it occurred to me today (after watching someone's video), that I could get a nice big tribal-style tattoo done on my chest to hide/cover any such scars. I've never had a burning desire to get any tattoos, but one like that might be both useful and cool-looking.
Other things holding me back:
- worry about how it would affect my relationship with Q.
- worry about the initial healing period after surgery... about who would take care of me during that time. Would I have to hire someone, or would I try to manage all on my own? Even getting to and from the surgery site - would I have to take a taxi? Would I ask Forestfen?
- would I be able to fall asleep at night, having to sleep on my back until the incisions healed? Normally I sleep on my sides. This ought to be a minor issue, but it worries me nevertheless.
- worry about after-surgery complications, which would make me have to get further medical attention. If I had traveled to another state for surgery, and had come back home, where would I go for that medical attention?
- likely having to go to various other sessions/appointments first, in order to get whatever approval letter is required for the surgery.
- it would cost a lot; would it really be worth it for me?
- laziness/apathy. Not wanting to go through all the trouble, when it's not something that will suddenly make my life feel like it is worth living. It would simply be a nice thing, not to have breasts anymore, and to no longer have to deal with the annoyances related to them. That would be a lot of trouble to go through, just for a "nice thing".
..
I sort of feel like I'm waiting to die, like I'm on the down-slope. I don't feel young anymore. I'm old and have nothing I'm yearning to do with my life... what's the point of going through a lot of trouble, for anything?