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how come saturnian and saturnine mean such different things?
i don't understand this california recall thing. okay, so i
wasn't paying attention... why is it happening? why don't they
want to keep the current governor?
that lj-postcard thing reminded me, i have left-over postcards
from germany. so i think i'll just send them to people...
anyone want one?
at the greek festival today...
i'm so.... *.
around so many people, i'm so... uncomfortable,
although i don't really feel it. i feel so.... unbelonging.
different. sticking out. what am i doing here?
i feel like i could cry... (my period is coming, maybe that's why.)
but, no, don't cry. relax...
i don't feel anything... distracted. trying to blend in. no, not trying
that at all, just being myself, thinking about anything but myself...
looking for things to focus on, my gaze darting here and there.
discomfort is something you recognize when it leaves you.
i could dance to the music... i should dance...
it would be weird. but i should, then maybe i would relax?
thinking about it makes my pulse thud... now i'm really uncomfortable...
relax, it's just a thought... i might dance, but what about my purse?
it's too heavy to wear while dancing, even though it's a fanny pack.
and i couldn't just leave it on the table... what to do?
i can't dance with it. i can't leave it here...
she would watch it, but not if she wanted to dance too...
the music will be over soon. don't get up just when the music's ending;
that would be embarrassing...
thwarted by a purse!!! or maybe not.
relax. let the thought go. i won't dance. just sit and relax. it's
okay now... damn damn damn. this is so uncomfortable, even though i
can't really feel anything but the music and the noise and nothing,
and i just focus on the colored lights and on the little kids playing
and on a person here and a person there, and on this and on that...
and the music's really nice, but it's over now, inside and outside,
so we leave. and i return home to my own little cube of space where
noone can see me, and i'm okay, but i remember... i'm so *.
i don't understand this california recall thing. okay, so i
wasn't paying attention... why is it happening? why don't they
want to keep the current governor?
that lj-postcard thing reminded me, i have left-over postcards
from germany. so i think i'll just send them to people...
anyone want one?
at the greek festival today...
i'm so.... *.
around so many people, i'm so... uncomfortable,
although i don't really feel it. i feel so.... unbelonging.
different. sticking out. what am i doing here?
i feel like i could cry... (my period is coming, maybe that's why.)
but, no, don't cry. relax...
i don't feel anything... distracted. trying to blend in. no, not trying
that at all, just being myself, thinking about anything but myself...
looking for things to focus on, my gaze darting here and there.
discomfort is something you recognize when it leaves you.
i could dance to the music... i should dance...
it would be weird. but i should, then maybe i would relax?
thinking about it makes my pulse thud... now i'm really uncomfortable...
relax, it's just a thought... i might dance, but what about my purse?
it's too heavy to wear while dancing, even though it's a fanny pack.
and i couldn't just leave it on the table... what to do?
i can't dance with it. i can't leave it here...
she would watch it, but not if she wanted to dance too...
the music will be over soon. don't get up just when the music's ending;
that would be embarrassing...
thwarted by a purse!!! or maybe not.
relax. let the thought go. i won't dance. just sit and relax. it's
okay now... damn damn damn. this is so uncomfortable, even though i
can't really feel anything but the music and the noise and nothing,
and i just focus on the colored lights and on the little kids playing
and on a person here and a person there, and on this and on that...
and the music's really nice, but it's over now, inside and outside,
so we leave. and i return home to my own little cube of space where
noone can see me, and i'm okay, but i remember... i'm so *.
