more introspection

[darkoshi]

I wonder why I seem to tend to want to think of things that make me feel sad. It's not that things necessarily are sad, but that I go out of my way mentally, to look at things from a point of view which makes me sad. As if there's something about that "painful" sad feeling, that I desire.

I guess in a way, to me, feeling sad can be better than feeling merely "okay" or "content". Contentment is rather a boring, lifeless, and lackluster feeling. Whereas sadness has something to it... you can feel it... Is my brain addicted to the chemicals that are produced when I feel very sad?

I think I'd rather feel good and happy, than feeling sad all the time, wouldn't I? But I don't know of any ways of making myself feel good and happy. Even when I think of things from a positive point of view, it doesn't result in a wonderful, good feeling. Yet, I do have the power of making myself feel sad... so maybe that's why I do it.

Maybe I should practice making myself feel happy. If it is possible.