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gender and limits (more)
Monday, February 19th, 2007 11:07 amHaving a Dom want me to do those things seems similar to a Dom/me wanting their transsexual MTF submissive to get her hair cut in a short men's style, and to wear men's clothing, and to present as male. While on the one hand, it can seem a great act of submission for the sub to go along with this just to please the Dom/me, it's also obviously going to make the sub feel that the Dom/me doesn't respect their true gender, and actually views them as the other gender, and would really prefer them to be that other gender, instead of who they actually are.
It would also be similar to a Dom/me wanting their non-transgendered male submissive to grow his hair long and to wear women's clothing, or for a Dom/me wanting their non-transgendered female submissive to cut her hair short and to wear men's clothing. Except that in these cases, the sub's physical sex would still probably be quite apparent for most observers, so perhaps the sub wouldn't feel quite as strongly that their own gender, which matches their physical sex, was being hidden/buried. But it would be just as emotionally discomforting for them, and perhaps even more so than for me (since my own gender-id is between that of a man and woman, whereas for them, it would be on the other end of what they were being made to present as).
Submissive females (or bottoms) often have a limit that the Dom can't cut off their hair. At least, I believe I have heard a few people stating that as a limit of theirs. Their hairstyle is a part of their identity. They would feel less feminine and less attractive with short hair. That is the same kind of reasoning as my own gender-related limits (even though for them, they would most likely still be seen as female, even with short hair - so their actual gender would not be in question). So why should these limits of mine be seen as unreasonable, or as a sign that I am not really submissive?
Other than the first Dom I was involved with, no one else has explicitly said that, but that is the feeling I get, of how other people view (or would view) those limits of mine. Which perhaps just means that I feel that hardly anyone truly understands my gender identity.
I feel that the 2nd Dom whom I was (briefly) involved with, understood my gender best. He seemed to treat my gender-id as a positive thing... he took to calling me "boy" (which I was very tickled by)... he even asked if I preferred "boy" or "boi"... he even asked what pronouns I preferred, and he actually used them when referring to me while chatting with someone else! He even seemed to understand that one of my issues with not wanting to gain any weight (in spite of telling me that it would still be wise for me to do so) was because it would make me look more feminine.
It would also be similar to a Dom/me wanting their non-transgendered male submissive to grow his hair long and to wear women's clothing, or for a Dom/me wanting their non-transgendered female submissive to cut her hair short and to wear men's clothing. Except that in these cases, the sub's physical sex would still probably be quite apparent for most observers, so perhaps the sub wouldn't feel quite as strongly that their own gender, which matches their physical sex, was being hidden/buried. But it would be just as emotionally discomforting for them, and perhaps even more so than for me (since my own gender-id is between that of a man and woman, whereas for them, it would be on the other end of what they were being made to present as).
Submissive females (or bottoms) often have a limit that the Dom can't cut off their hair. At least, I believe I have heard a few people stating that as a limit of theirs. Their hairstyle is a part of their identity. They would feel less feminine and less attractive with short hair. That is the same kind of reasoning as my own gender-related limits (even though for them, they would most likely still be seen as female, even with short hair - so their actual gender would not be in question). So why should these limits of mine be seen as unreasonable, or as a sign that I am not really submissive?
Other than the first Dom I was involved with, no one else has explicitly said that, but that is the feeling I get, of how other people view (or would view) those limits of mine. Which perhaps just means that I feel that hardly anyone truly understands my gender identity.
I feel that the 2nd Dom whom I was (briefly) involved with, understood my gender best. He seemed to treat my gender-id as a positive thing... he took to calling me "boy" (which I was very tickled by)... he even asked if I preferred "boy" or "boi"... he even asked what pronouns I preferred, and he actually used them when referring to me while chatting with someone else! He even seemed to understand that one of my issues with not wanting to gain any weight (in spite of telling me that it would still be wise for me to do so) was because it would make me look more feminine.