video TV; puppy; depression

Qiao and I have now watched episodes of 2 ABC shows online, which we missed when they were broadcast on TV. The quality of the online videos is just as good or better than broadcast TV. The video player window can be maximized, and the quality is still just as good. The commercial breaks are more convenient than on TV, and being able to watch the video when you want, and pause it, makes it more convenient than TV as well. The only benefit the TV has is a larger screen. Well, that and less likelihood of technical issues - the 2nd time around, the video player wasn't working in Firefox, so I had to switch to IE.

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The puppy is growing larger. She doesn't *look* larger to me, but certain things make it apparent that she is. I've had to give up on the enclosure. She kept getting out - she is large enough now that the metal drawers which previously were a formidable obstacle to her, are now relatively easy for her to clamber over.

Oh, and the puppy is purportedly female, not male. It seemed silly, after finding that out, switching the pronouns we used to refer to the puppy. Just because his/her body turns out to purportedly be one way instead of another way, it's expected that we refer to the puppy differently. Qiao also quickly switched from calling the puppy things like "good boy" to things like "sweet little girl". Tcheh. We didn't change her name though. She's still Zorro.

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I didn't get any other antidepressant pills. The psych didn't think that the non-generic Wellbutrin would work for me, since the generic one didn't have any positive effect on me at all. So I said that I didn't want to take any more pills, for a while at least. I've tried an SSRI, an SNRI, and an NDRI, and none really made me feel better. I was majorly bummed after leaving his office. Nearly started crying while waiting for the receptionist to get me my receipt. It doesn't seem like there's any hope left. I'm not capable of truly enjoying life. It's incurable. It's who I am, not an illness, not something that can be fixed.

Qiao seems to think that my purpose for taking antidepressants is to control or curtail my fits of anger, as opposed to helping with my depression. Even though I told him it's for depression, not anger. The anger is somewhat related to depression, though. If I'm not feeling particularly down, then annoyances are just annoyances, and I can deal with them. But when life feels like a pain in the first place, then any annoyances are insult on top of injury, and I rage at having to deal with either.

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( These are the pretty things... )

that I was referring to in this previous post.

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Things to do today:
- take a shower
- vacuum the house
- go to the grocery store and maybe the pet store to buy a few things
- maybe stop by the thrift store, if they are open today
- maybe stop by the fabric store to look for some twist pins and whatchamallems
- cut, cook, peel, and puree the pumpkin
- iron the clothes
- process and post some of the videos
- put the carpet pad under the carpet
- other stuff on my to-do list


But instead, I'm doing this....

Demotivators

Indifference... it takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.

Adversity

Agony

Apathy

Burnout

Compromise... Let's agree to respect each others views, no matter how wrong yours may be.

Conformity

Curiosity... Some Places Remain Unknown Because No One Has Ventured Forth. Others Remain So Because No One Has Ever Come Back.

Defeat... For every winner, there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them.

Demotivation

Despair... It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.

Dysfunction

Economics

Failure

Fear... Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea.


More here.

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Hearing good songs which were popular during my youth sometimes induces a curious feeling in me - an emotional flashback to a happier more vibrant state of being. But I am not sure if I actually felt happier and more vibrant during my youth. It may be something which is only felt while hearing that kind of music, both then and now. Yet modern songs rarely evoke such emotions; I have to hunt for songs which affect me in that way; the popular ones played on the radio generally don't. This must happen to other people too. That's why old people like me feel that the songs nowadays can't compare in quality to the ones from their youth, regardless in which musical era their youth was.

I remember a similar thing happening during my youth, though. I think it was when watching Return of the Jedi for the first time. When I heard the first few bars of the familiar opening score, I got goosebumps on my arms and felt electrified and tingly. That indicates that I didn't feel that way all the time; even then it was a rare and special thing.