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Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009 01:21 amI'm beginning to think that Q tends to mistakenly interpret other people's actions as acts of passive-aggressiveness towards him. Or it could be that his interpretations are correct, and that I am naive to think that people generally would not act that way.
.
I'm feeling a slight level of general anxiety. Must be hormones.
I don't know how to enjoy things. I've got things to do. I've got this vague idea that once I finish those things, that I'll be able to relax and enjoy being on vacation. But I don't know how to do so. I don't particularly enjoy anything. Maybe that is why I keep myself busy with these "things to do". If I could think of something enjoyable to do, maybe I wouldn't waste my precious time like that. Or maybe the things I'm doing are the things that I originally thought would be enjoyable, but which I now find out just feel like things that need to get done.
Phone-calls have been annoying me. I don't get many; but when I do, I feel interrupted in the things I'm busy doing, and annoyed at the interruption, and annoyed at having to listen to someone talk and talk and talk instead of being able to continue and complete the task I was interrupted in doing. But I'm always busy doing something, so there's no good time for anyone to call.
.
The wrist-cuffs of my sweaters and jackets smell like dog saliva.
There's a friend of one of my co-workers who had indicated to them a strong interest in taking the puppy. I think I should have heard from him by now, but I still haven't. On the one hand, I'm anxious about having him call, as I'm worried that Q will be upset if I give away the puppy. But I've always intended to find a different home for it. Why does everyone think I'm going to keep it? Do they think I'm such a good-hearted person that it would be natural for me to keep it and keep taking care of it for years and years and years?
On the other hand, I'm anxious that he won't call, and I'll end up having to keep the puppy, and that Q and me will break up, but that I'll still have to keep the puppy even though Q says he'd be willing to take it, and that the dog will be lonely and neglected because I can't take good care of it, because I'm an unhappy, joyless individual, and I can't love it, and taking care of it feels like work and takes away from my precious time. My precious time, which I can't find anything enjoyable to do with it. Because nothing makes me happy.
.
I'm feeling a slight level of general anxiety. Must be hormones.
I don't know how to enjoy things. I've got things to do. I've got this vague idea that once I finish those things, that I'll be able to relax and enjoy being on vacation. But I don't know how to do so. I don't particularly enjoy anything. Maybe that is why I keep myself busy with these "things to do". If I could think of something enjoyable to do, maybe I wouldn't waste my precious time like that. Or maybe the things I'm doing are the things that I originally thought would be enjoyable, but which I now find out just feel like things that need to get done.
Phone-calls have been annoying me. I don't get many; but when I do, I feel interrupted in the things I'm busy doing, and annoyed at the interruption, and annoyed at having to listen to someone talk and talk and talk instead of being able to continue and complete the task I was interrupted in doing. But I'm always busy doing something, so there's no good time for anyone to call.
.
The wrist-cuffs of my sweaters and jackets smell like dog saliva.
There's a friend of one of my co-workers who had indicated to them a strong interest in taking the puppy. I think I should have heard from him by now, but I still haven't. On the one hand, I'm anxious about having him call, as I'm worried that Q will be upset if I give away the puppy. But I've always intended to find a different home for it. Why does everyone think I'm going to keep it? Do they think I'm such a good-hearted person that it would be natural for me to keep it and keep taking care of it for years and years and years?
On the other hand, I'm anxious that he won't call, and I'll end up having to keep the puppy, and that Q and me will break up, but that I'll still have to keep the puppy even though Q says he'd be willing to take it, and that the dog will be lonely and neglected because I can't take good care of it, because I'm an unhappy, joyless individual, and I can't love it, and taking care of it feels like work and takes away from my precious time. My precious time, which I can't find anything enjoyable to do with it. Because nothing makes me happy.