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[darkoshi]

If anhedonia is the "inability to experience pleasure from normally pleasurable activities", I wonder if there's a word to describe an inability to remember the pleasure experienced from activities, even when those activities have been pleasurable in the past. It seems like I get that way sometimes... Intellectually knowing that I must have enjoyed things in the past, but not really being able to remember it... not being able to remember what it feels like, to feel good... And when you sometimes can't remember ever having felt good in the past, it can make the future seem a horribly unpleasant thing to be burdened with.

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[darkoshi]

Well, anhedonia is listed as one of the major symptoms of depression. And after reading another article about it, I did realize that not being able to experience pleasure would be closely related to not being able to remember experiencing pleasure... ie. remembering a pleasant experience is an activity that would normally be pleasurable, and so not being able to get pleasure from remembering activities that were once pleasurable would also fall under the idea of anhedonia.

The article did actually mention that for depressed people, the brain has to work harder in order to remember pleasant experiences as opposed to sad experiences, whereas for non-depressed people, it's the opposite.

And on the one hand, it could be true that I've been suffering from mild to moderate depression since my teens. But then again, there were a few times in the last decades when I really felt depressed... so bad that even thinking back on how I felt then can still seem quite unpleasant now. So compared to that, I'm doing pretty good. And when I'm feeling down, I'm more likely to write about it than when I'm feeling good, so just going by the tone of my writings isn't necessarily a good indicator of my overall state.

Or anyway. I guess I want to believe that I'm not really depressed, because if I believe that, then in a way it is true. :) Whereas if I start thinking about how I'm depressed, it'll make me feel more depressed. And at the moment I don't feel depressed anyway. And thanks for the hug. *Huggabuggabughug*** Merry Kissmass