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something for me to think about
Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010 08:21 am"The suffering itself is not so bad, it's the resentment against suffering that is the real pain." - Allen Ginsburg, from here
(no subject)
Monday, December 25th, 2006 01:30 pmFound this quote in an old email:
"Let all flowers blossom (even the thorny ones)"
It was in regards to the sender's philosophy of how to handle moderating a message group, but it seems like a nice sentiment in general.
My main email address seems to have been having some problems lately, so after a long while of only using webmail services, I have downloaded an email client, Thunderbird. I hadn't even realized before now that I could have been using POP for free with my Gmail account. But I plan on changing over to a new main email address, probably using Yahoo instead of Excite. Yahoo's upgraded (non-free) service, in addition to allowing POP access, has a feature where you can create multiple temporary email addresses and access them all through the same account. Then if one of them starts getting a lot of spam, you can just delete it and create a new one.
Hmmm... or perhaps I should just create multiple Gmail accounts. I don't like some of Gmail's webmail interface, but if I'll be using my own client anyway, that would no longer be an issue.
"Let all flowers blossom (even the thorny ones)"
It was in regards to the sender's philosophy of how to handle moderating a message group, but it seems like a nice sentiment in general.
My main email address seems to have been having some problems lately, so after a long while of only using webmail services, I have downloaded an email client, Thunderbird. I hadn't even realized before now that I could have been using POP for free with my Gmail account. But I plan on changing over to a new main email address, probably using Yahoo instead of Excite. Yahoo's upgraded (non-free) service, in addition to allowing POP access, has a feature where you can create multiple temporary email addresses and access them all through the same account. Then if one of them starts getting a lot of spam, you can just delete it and create a new one.
Hmmm... or perhaps I should just create multiple Gmail accounts. I don't like some of Gmail's webmail interface, but if I'll be using my own client anyway, that would no longer be an issue.
(no subject)
Sunday, May 29th, 2005 02:12 pmThere are some things for which my mind tries to find answers for... I want to get to the heart of things and know the absolute, simple TRUTH of the matter. But like most of existence, there probably isn't any single simple truth to be found, no matter how many facts I may learn or how much time I spend thinking about it. How I feel about things varies from day to day. My reasons for doing things, my interpretations of past and current events, and my mood and emotions change from day to day. Something may seem to be true one day, but something very different may seem to be true the next day (or minute or hour). And those truths may be mutually incompatible, even though they are/were both valid in their own time. It's the same for other people too, I'm sure. Trying to find one overall Truth of a matter is therefore impossible. Some things are complex and cannot be made simple. Even if one tries to condense history and determine which truths were most prevalent, and base a simple answer upon those, is to deny the other incompatible truths/viewpoints, even though they are/were just as valid.
another decade of wisdom
Sunday, December 21st, 2003 12:44 amwhat else have i learned since then?
i will regret posting most anything i post.
if i don't say anything and don't post anything, noone will know anything about me.
my face-recognition and name-recall abilities are sub-standard.
i am very different from other people.
i am very similar to other people.
being silent is my strongest defense.
i am an androgyne.
some other people are androgynes too. although that doesn't necessarily make us alike.
on those days when i go jogging before eating lunch, i need to eat something extra in the afternoon to avoid becoming whiny, grouchy, and tired.
swallowing a high-potency multivitamin on an empty stomach will make me feel nauseous if i don't immediately eat something along with it.
the internet is not the answer. but it's something.
i will never be smooth and self-assured and adult-like, like other adults seem to be.
what i seek exists within myself.
the word is "wahrscheinlich," not "verscheinlich".
no amount of money is enough to provide absolute security for the rest of my life.
oral sex does not mean french-kissing. people really do engage in oral sex. lots of people really do engage in oral sex. and they enjoy it.
nothing is permanent.
i have a (perhaps mild) skin-picking compulsion.
there are interesting people out there.
i will never be "normal".
.
i'm sure there's more, but who cares. i'm stupid. i will regret this post.
i will regret posting most anything i post.
if i don't say anything and don't post anything, noone will know anything about me.
my face-recognition and name-recall abilities are sub-standard.
i am very different from other people.
i am very similar to other people.
being silent is my strongest defense.
i am an androgyne.
some other people are androgynes too. although that doesn't necessarily make us alike.
on those days when i go jogging before eating lunch, i need to eat something extra in the afternoon to avoid becoming whiny, grouchy, and tired.
swallowing a high-potency multivitamin on an empty stomach will make me feel nauseous if i don't immediately eat something along with it.
the internet is not the answer. but it's something.
i will never be smooth and self-assured and adult-like, like other adults seem to be.
what i seek exists within myself.
the word is "wahrscheinlich," not "verscheinlich".
no amount of money is enough to provide absolute security for the rest of my life.
oral sex does not mean french-kissing. people really do engage in oral sex. lots of people really do engage in oral sex. and they enjoy it.
nothing is permanent.
i have a (perhaps mild) skin-picking compulsion.
there are interesting people out there.
i will never be "normal".
.
i'm sure there's more, but who cares. i'm stupid. i will regret this post.
what i had learned a decade ago
Saturday, December 20th, 2003 11:28 pmTen years ago I wrote a list of things I had learned so far in life. The list was...
I will regret most anything I say.
Expect the unexpected or it will happen.
If I expect the unexpected and it happens then I feel wise.
I feel stupid whenever I let myself.
My mind goes blank when I hear good music.
Dreams often end up telling me that I need to wake up and use the bathroom.
I forget most everything.
I am not a genius.
It does not matter that I am not a genius or wonderful at anything.
If something is so important that you would want to be better at it than anyone else, and if you were, then no one else would be important because they weren't, and then your importantness wouldn't be important. )))))
(Inborn) skill isn't important because there is no contol over it.
My aim does not improve by just throwing things and continuously missing.
Luck will happen but don't think that it will continue indefinitely.
Most humans (all) are boring no matter what language they speak.
I will regret most anything I say.
Expect the unexpected or it will happen.
If I expect the unexpected and it happens then I feel wise.
I feel stupid whenever I let myself.
My mind goes blank when I hear good music.
Dreams often end up telling me that I need to wake up and use the bathroom.
I forget most everything.
I am not a genius.
It does not matter that I am not a genius or wonderful at anything.
If something is so important that you would want to be better at it than anyone else, and if you were, then no one else would be important because they weren't, and then your importantness wouldn't be important. )))))
(Inborn) skill isn't important because there is no contol over it.
My aim does not improve by just throwing things and continuously missing.
Luck will happen but don't think that it will continue indefinitely.
Most humans (all) are boring no matter what language they speak.
don't let it distress me
Saturday, August 2nd, 2003 03:26 ami am brain.
a brain doing things, little things, in this world.
like collecting words to put on a page;
like researching the use of intensifiers and expletives
to make a certain page bigger and more comprehensive...
perhaps if i post this, what i was intending to post,
i will be able to turn off the light and go to sleep.
so here, from this morning. yesterday morning, now:
everything that happens,
everything that everyone does,
is a normal, logical, natural, non-unusual progression
of the previous events that have happened
and the previous experiences everyone has had
based on whatever starting point there was
and on whatever initial values the universe's variables were set to.
even randomness is natural.
people do things
not just because they can,
but because it is the normal thing for them to do.
out of all the choices available to them,
the choice which they choose,
(including the choice of non-action),
is based upon their experiences of the world,
upon all the prior events of their lives.
do we have any real choice in anything?
sure.
but our choices are based on our history
and a bit of randomness...
is that a real choice?
is there any choice between good and evil?
those who do "evil" things do them in the same way,
for the same kind of reasons,
that those who oppose them, oppose them.
because it makes sense to them.
because it is the preferable thing for them to do.
based on their history,
it is the natural choice.
one person's viewpoint of something
as an evil that ought to be opposed
is another person's necessary evil
and another person's good thing.
not that people shouldn't oppose things
which seem evil to them;
it is natural for those who oppose things,
to oppose them.
they have to.
they are compelled to.
they are inspired to.
just like those who do the so-called evil things,
are inspired to do them.
just like those who try to convince others to change, do that.
just like those who are convinced to change, do that.
is there destiny?
perhaps.
but not necessarily a destiny that anyone knows.
even a god would have a hard time
figuring out how things would end up,
with so many variables.
it would be difficult, i would think,
even if the god were in charge of the random variables.
then again, if the god were a super duper mega computer...
and what would the point of existence be,
if there were a god who had caused it,
who had started the ball rolling,
and who already knew how it would turn out?
not that there's necessarily a point.
and the point of this entry is?
it seemed significant as i was walking in...
that there's no point in being distressed
over what other people do.
it is natural.
everything is natural, even when it is bad.
just be aware of it,
and don't be distressed.
me thinking this is natural,
based on my previous life
and current circumstances.
how long will i be able to keep this in mind?
how long before this train of thought
seems totally pointless?
there is no such thing as evil
(there is no such thing as anything...)
(everything changes when you think about it)
it is just a name people give to those things
which they feel should be opposed and stopped.
dang.
ethically, i should now stay an extra half hour
longer here at work,
to make up for the time i spent writing this.
if i didn't have enough to keep me occupied
for that half hour,
it would be a different matter.
there. that's it.
doesn't much seem worth writing, or posting, in retrospect.
and i suppose i could post the whole rest of the file on my site
but there's really no point except for myself
and what do i care, right now?
why don't they have a preview feature for the web-version of the journal updater? they have it for comments, why not for posts?
i should go to sleep now.
i should really go to sleep. it's really late. it's getting early.
when that digit 4 starts coming around the bend...
why don't i feel like it?
why do i feel like there's still something i need to do?
i ought not be offended... it's perfectly natural...
he had a perfectly good reason, i'm sure. whatever it was.
wish i knew. i'm afraid i'm just unlikeable.
but of course i am, to all the people who find me unlikeable.
that doesn't mean i am to everyone, right? right. sure.
yep.
ok? sleep now?
oh, and i was a dork. i messed up on setting the vcr!
no, actually i set the vcr right, but the satellite-box wrong...
serves me right...
sleep now?!
i guess so. maybe something's worrying me. or bothering me.
is it just that? does it affect me so, to think that i am unliked?
to think that i may offend people, or do things to make them not like me, without even realizing it? and to never find out what, or why?
hoy. this is a bloody long post. maybe i should return to my site.
i still don't know. it's a mess of confusion. it doesn't matter.
no, it's not the one person that bothers me. it's the resulting conclusional thought that everything else is the same or will be the same as that one instance... the resurfacing of that despair.
whatever.
a brain doing things, little things, in this world.
like collecting words to put on a page;
like researching the use of intensifiers and expletives
to make a certain page bigger and more comprehensive...
perhaps if i post this, what i was intending to post,
i will be able to turn off the light and go to sleep.
so here, from this morning. yesterday morning, now:
everything that happens,
everything that everyone does,
is a normal, logical, natural, non-unusual progression
of the previous events that have happened
and the previous experiences everyone has had
based on whatever starting point there was
and on whatever initial values the universe's variables were set to.
even randomness is natural.
people do things
not just because they can,
but because it is the normal thing for them to do.
out of all the choices available to them,
the choice which they choose,
(including the choice of non-action),
is based upon their experiences of the world,
upon all the prior events of their lives.
do we have any real choice in anything?
sure.
but our choices are based on our history
and a bit of randomness...
is that a real choice?
is there any choice between good and evil?
those who do "evil" things do them in the same way,
for the same kind of reasons,
that those who oppose them, oppose them.
because it makes sense to them.
because it is the preferable thing for them to do.
based on their history,
it is the natural choice.
one person's viewpoint of something
as an evil that ought to be opposed
is another person's necessary evil
and another person's good thing.
not that people shouldn't oppose things
which seem evil to them;
it is natural for those who oppose things,
to oppose them.
they have to.
they are compelled to.
they are inspired to.
just like those who do the so-called evil things,
are inspired to do them.
just like those who try to convince others to change, do that.
just like those who are convinced to change, do that.
is there destiny?
perhaps.
but not necessarily a destiny that anyone knows.
even a god would have a hard time
figuring out how things would end up,
with so many variables.
it would be difficult, i would think,
even if the god were in charge of the random variables.
then again, if the god were a super duper mega computer...
and what would the point of existence be,
if there were a god who had caused it,
who had started the ball rolling,
and who already knew how it would turn out?
not that there's necessarily a point.
and the point of this entry is?
it seemed significant as i was walking in...
that there's no point in being distressed
over what other people do.
it is natural.
everything is natural, even when it is bad.
just be aware of it,
and don't be distressed.
me thinking this is natural,
based on my previous life
and current circumstances.
how long will i be able to keep this in mind?
how long before this train of thought
seems totally pointless?
there is no such thing as evil
(there is no such thing as anything...)
(everything changes when you think about it)
it is just a name people give to those things
which they feel should be opposed and stopped.
dang.
ethically, i should now stay an extra half hour
longer here at work,
to make up for the time i spent writing this.
if i didn't have enough to keep me occupied
for that half hour,
it would be a different matter.
there. that's it.
doesn't much seem worth writing, or posting, in retrospect.
and i suppose i could post the whole rest of the file on my site
but there's really no point except for myself
and what do i care, right now?
why don't they have a preview feature for the web-version of the journal updater? they have it for comments, why not for posts?
i should go to sleep now.
i should really go to sleep. it's really late. it's getting early.
when that digit 4 starts coming around the bend...
why don't i feel like it?
why do i feel like there's still something i need to do?
i ought not be offended... it's perfectly natural...
he had a perfectly good reason, i'm sure. whatever it was.
wish i knew. i'm afraid i'm just unlikeable.
but of course i am, to all the people who find me unlikeable.
that doesn't mean i am to everyone, right? right. sure.
yep.
ok? sleep now?
oh, and i was a dork. i messed up on setting the vcr!
no, actually i set the vcr right, but the satellite-box wrong...
serves me right...
sleep now?!
i guess so. maybe something's worrying me. or bothering me.
is it just that? does it affect me so, to think that i am unliked?
to think that i may offend people, or do things to make them not like me, without even realizing it? and to never find out what, or why?
hoy. this is a bloody long post. maybe i should return to my site.
i still don't know. it's a mess of confusion. it doesn't matter.
no, it's not the one person that bothers me. it's the resulting conclusional thought that everything else is the same or will be the same as that one instance... the resurfacing of that despair.
whatever.
yes. today. rambling.
Tuesday, July 29th, 2003 08:24 pmso. many horrible things happening in the world and i'm spending my time writing computer programs. it seems rather short-sighted... hiding away tinkering with machines... but if the people who are free from such suffering don't enjoy their freedom, what good is it?... yeah, right. flippety flip. wars in africa. the scary stories of africa and latin america and everywhere else. check check check. you're dead. because we can kill you. you're imprisoned, because we can imprision you. we're in power, because... why do people do it? because they can, just because. forces of nature. there's no reasoning it. be aware of the evil but don't let it hurt you... tripoli said something. still in the center of the storm. i am a force of nature too. machetes starvation gunshots to the head mass-graves. and then there is everyone who doesn't think killing animals is evil. the blood runs out... the cages... they're too stupid to have any compassion for... too alien, dumb animals... if that's not evil, why should anything else be? nothing's evil. just forces of nature. incomprehensible. it makes sense to them. you're the enemy, you're bad, that's why it's ok to kill you, to electrocute you, to come in a helicopter and gun you down and walk away as if life goes on in a good way for anyone after that. the cia assassinating people, hiding secrets too hideous... and when things aren't secret anymore, nothing happens. nothing changes. hollywood is america's PR machine. the lovely wonderful place of freedom and french-fries and fast cars. it doesn't matter what we do, hollywood is what people see. and what they remember until the truth is too obvious to be covered over with shiny paint and catchy tunes. and by then, it's too late.
the doggy-oh. oh, oh. i'm getting attached, but i'm not letting myself. the most cat-like dog i've encountered. stubborn eater. as if he forgets that food exists. turning his little head away... but then gobbling it up minutes later, proving that he's not all that cat-like. doing his little tap-dance of anticipation on the kitchen floor...
but we can't keep a dog. we don't want to. we don't have the time, the effort, the long-term commitment. he would be better off with someone who cares, really cares... i can't care. the shelter will find someone to adopt him... i always have to wash my hands after touching animals... even humans... i'll have to get over that some day too, perhaps. if there's a reason. i feel bad thinking that he'll have gotten attached to us, and then be disappointed by us giving him up... like we'll be letting him down. or maybe he'll be glad to have someone else... what good are we... no litter-box to clean, at least. wait a minute, wasn't there a mockingbird trapped in the backyard yesterday, i'd better check... oh, dear. it's dark already again.
the doggy-oh. oh, oh. i'm getting attached, but i'm not letting myself. the most cat-like dog i've encountered. stubborn eater. as if he forgets that food exists. turning his little head away... but then gobbling it up minutes later, proving that he's not all that cat-like. doing his little tap-dance of anticipation on the kitchen floor...
but we can't keep a dog. we don't want to. we don't have the time, the effort, the long-term commitment. he would be better off with someone who cares, really cares... i can't care. the shelter will find someone to adopt him... i always have to wash my hands after touching animals... even humans... i'll have to get over that some day too, perhaps. if there's a reason. i feel bad thinking that he'll have gotten attached to us, and then be disappointed by us giving him up... like we'll be letting him down. or maybe he'll be glad to have someone else... what good are we... no litter-box to clean, at least. wait a minute, wasn't there a mockingbird trapped in the backyard yesterday, i'd better check... oh, dear. it's dark already again.
