dysthymia

[darkoshi]

I'm not sure I even meet the diagnosis criteria for dysthymia. The only condition I seem to strongly meet is the "hopeless" one. I don't usually have problems with sleeping or eating. I don't think I have a problem with self-esteem. Sometimes I feel fatigued or lacking energy, but not all the time. I don't have a problem concentrating, if I'm motivated to do so. Decision-making can be difficult, but I'm still able to do so; it just takes longer some times.

Another consideration is that the antidepressants I tried did not seem to have any positive effect on me.

There's one state of being, where one is very much lacking in the mental energy/motivation to do anything. Perhaps that is the symptom of depression and dysthymia, which the anti-depressant drugs help to fix.

There's another state of being, where one has mental energy and motivation to do some things, but one feels no joy in doing them. That's what I have. Perhaps the drugs don't help with that. Perhaps this state is a very common one; after all, I read about people searching for joy, happiness, purpose, and the meaning of life, all the time. Is my state the same as all those people? Or do those people already enjoy life, and they're looking for even more?

Anyway, I was discussing my state of being, in these videos.

If the videos seem a bit choppy, it's because I edited out a lot of pauses between words and sentences, to make the videos shorter.

Comments

[syrtia.livejournal.com]

Any time you want to get together and do something, let me know. You sound stuck.

[darkoshi]

Thanks

[passionrlsusall.livejournal.com]

Hi there. I just came across these 2 videos while searching the word "dysthymia" in Youtube. I can relate to a lot of what you said. I was going to post first on there, but with the character count limit and since I prefer lj anyway, I'm posting here. (my name on there is sparsesalamander- I made one comment about B vitamins)

So here's some of what I relate to:
-Feeling that this isn't how you should feel- not really getting excited about things, even as you intellectually recognize that you "should" care (whether seeing a friend, going on a trip, etc.), but that still you can't really feel it. Your mom asking you if you were excited about your trip makes me think of my mom asking me such things and me having much the same reaction. Sometimes I will get excited about something, particularly a trip since I love to travel, but then during it and afterwards it doesn't "mean" enough

-missing one's past fantasy world b/c reality never lives up. for me, I found it mostly through t.v., particularly Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and also in wishing I'd suddenly develop a magic power or have a set purpose in life- i.e. telekinesis, or finding out I'm a slayer too. Nowadays I don't believe in those things (though I really didn't before, just hoped I would), and the t.v. shows I watch never captivate me as much, plus I know I need to fight the urge to sit and watch t.v. all the time.

-the infatuations with a few people, but otherwise not really wanting to get to know people better. Exactly me. I feel I have some level of social anxiety too, and as a kid I was shy around people, and I'm a clear introvert, so all of these things jumble themselves in my head and I wonder if my lack of desire to get closer to people is like a defense mechanism for fears over it, and I'm especially fearful of the idea of any intimate (both physically and emotionally) relationship with someone, but still I so yearn for it- in theory, but not in reality.

-But at the same time as all of this being distraught over my states of mind, wondering if everyone feels this way, if you just need to push yourself to do more, see more people, force yourself to enjoy life.. if I'm just weak and lazy all that. And I feel all this guilt, because I can get myself to go to work/school (I'm in grad. school now), but then I don't put much effort in beyond what I have to do so that people won't see there's a problem.. I'm always on this teetering edge of being competent/active in society, and then I'll spend weekend days often in a state like at the moment..sleeping in till really late and avoiding the world the rest of the day, and not getting anything "productive" done. And so then I feel all this guilt. So much guilt, toward everything, including guilt for not feeling enough guilt.

So as you can see I'm long-winded, but I could go on much longer even...
I'm really curious to know what mental state you're in now, if you've sought more therapy/drugs, etc., since I see these were posted in 2010. I suppose I could go and read more of your journal for that too, since your profile says you keep most things public.

Anyway, if you'd like a new lj friend, I think I'd like you as one. Most of my entries are friends only, so I'd have to add you for you to see them.

[darkoshi]

Hi there, pleased to be friends with you. My mental state is pretty much the same. I haven't sought more therapy - perhaps if I saw reports of of therapy and/or drugs working well for dysthymic individuals, I'd be more inclined to seek it. But I didn't find much info on treatment of dysthymia and success rates. Sometimes I think that a cure for myself would need to come from within myself. Other times, I think there is no cure. Most of the time I try not to think about it much.

[passionrlsusall.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I've gone for so long trying to deal with it, trying to forget about it, thinking it's me causing it, thinking it's something physical or psychological about me... ugh. I have been seeing a therapist recently but didn't think it was helping so have pretty much given up on going to her. I want to do something though, but it'll be more discouraging if nothing helps.