scattered thoughts

I've gained a bit of weight this last year. I've noticed a few of my pants having become uncomfortably snug. I don't like tight pants. I'm debating whether to dismiss it and simply not wear those pants anymore, versus trying to lose a few pounds... my fear is that I'll keep gaining more weight if I don't do something now. I'm not sure what, if anything, I've done differently this year than the others, to cause me to gain weight, other than spending more time doing office work and possibly less time exercising. I actually started off the year quite well, doing daily exercises again after a long hiatus, but when I work late, then I don't have time for exercising.

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My hair is too long and girly-looking. I started off the morning just wanting to cut it shorter, but after watching some videos of myself from prior years, now I'm sort of feeling like putting some blue streaks in it again too. But it's such a hassle to do. I'm not sure if my hair-bleach is still good.

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I want to finish taking down the christmas tree. I want to fix the sound problem on Forestfen's computer. I want to finish entering data into my mother-of-godzilla detailed financial spreadsheet, so that I can see the final numbers which will really not be very useful, but at least I'll be able to ponder the mystical numbers and be finished with it, so there, hah!

I want to watch various movies on Netflix which I've put into my instant-viewing queue.

I want to take off my shirt and use my flogger on myself in the yellow room, with the sun shining in, and me singing/humming to myself... I suppose I should do that before getting shredded bits of hair and bleach and blue dye all over myself. Somebody, tell the clouds to move away so that the sunshine comes back!

sexuality. pronouns.

I don't understand main-stream sexuality, except from an outsider's perspective. I only understand it based on the media I've been exposed to, not because it makes sense to me. I don't understand why female breasts are considered sexual, but men's chests aren't. I don't understand why breasts with nipples visible are considered nude and sexual, while breasts with pasties or tassles covering the nipples aren't. I don't understand why people like sucking on nipples or penises. I don't understand why TV show characters tongue-kiss* each other so much and so often; I don't understand why people are supposedly drawn to that activity. I don't understand why having sex is supposed to be part of a relationship, and why not having sex is supposed to indicate a lack of a relationship. I'm sure it makes intrinsic sense to most other people, but it doesn't to me; it's all hear-say to me.

While thinking about pasties and tassles, the thought occurred to me, what if I guy were naked except for a pasty/tassle on the end of his penis? Would the pasty/tassle render him non-nude? heheheh....

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There seem to be a fair number of butch lesbians and butch-presenting females who are deeply offended by being referred to with male pronouns... they expect to be perceived as physically female based on the gender cues of their body, in spite of their clothing and presentation, and they interpret a male pronoun as an insult. They expect everyone to know that a masculine-presenting female still expects to be referred to with female pronouns, and that the only reason for someone to use male pronouns for them would be purposeful spite.

There are also a lot of transgendered people who are deeply offended by being referred to with a pronoun which doesn't match their clothing and presentation. They expect to be perceived and treated as the gender which matches their presentation, regardless of the gender cues of their body. They may interpret being referred to with the other pronoun as purposeful spite. They expect everyone to know that a person expects to be referred to with the pronoun which matches their gender presentation.

I think there's more emotional pain involved for transgendered people when they are referred to by their non-preferred pronoun, as that indicates that they have failed to pass as their preferred gender, and that their internal identity and self have not even been recognized. Whereas for butch females, it's more a perception of their identity and self having been recognized and belittled.

I don't think there's going to be a solution to the dichotomy of pronoun expectations any time soon.

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* edited to replace "snog" with "tongue-kiss"... To me, a "kiss" is a simple peck on the cheeks or lips, whereas "snog" sounds like faces being shoved together; noses being squished hoggish-like; mouths open and tongues shoving. But the dictionary definition of snog is "kissing and cuddling", so maybe it isn't the right word after all. But "french kiss" sounds rather outdated and childish, and "tongue-kiss" doesn't seem much more descriptive... it sounds like 2 tongues pecking each other lightly... Oh, well, whatever.

(no subject)

The 2nd part of my last entry was partially brought on reading by this dapperQ post, as well as similar things I've read and heard elsewhere.