relationships and sex

[darkoshi]

The following questions came up during a conversation (are lj-posts considered conversation?) with theazureman. In case anyone else would like to express their opinions on any of them, I'm posting them here.

1. Does a marriage/close partnership-type relationship need some form of regular intimate physical contact, whether sexual or otherwise, to survive?

2. If your significant other rarely, or never, wanted to have sex with you, would this make you to feel that they didn't really care about you anymore?

3. Is there such a thing as love without sex? (Excluding parent-child type love, I suppose... but that gets into the whole issue of what love really is.) Perhaps I should rephrase that. Is there such a thing as romantic love without sex? (which probably depends on what "romantic" really means...)

4. Is a relationship without sex really just a friendship, and not love?

5a. Is it possible to have an enjoyable marriage/relationship where one person wants sex but the other doesn't? (between a given 2 people, either in a monogamous or poly situation)

5b. If both people were to agree that the person who wanted sex could have sexual relations with other people, could the non-sexual relationship between the initial 2 people still survive without diminishing in quality?

5c. Would such sexual relationships with other people feel more satisfying and/or important to the person having them, than their non-sexual relationship with the initial person?

6. All other aspects being equal, is a relationship with sex always better than one without it?


Bah. I feel so stupid sometimes. Some of the answers to these questions seem obvious. But it all depends on... a lot of factors, I suppose.

Comments

these are ratboystinks' comments...

[(Anonymous)]

Ive only had 2 female sex partners in my life (one male, but I dont really consider it enough to really count)... the first I was very much in love with... the second i was very confused with. So with my worlds n worlds of experience I'll take your survey to the best of my knowledge :P

1. I believe it does. Otherwise youre just friends... but even with my friends I tend to either tap, wrestle, or sometimes even hug them. Although there's just a need to have alot of contact with that "special someone" I cant explain. It's very pleasurable and comforting. It also brings a very "bonded" feeling... a closeness. Mainly because this one person allows you this...

2. Having a young man's insane labido, it's rather hard to answer. When I was with a partner, and went long periods without intimacy, mostly sex, I would get extremely itchy. And yes, that would make me very irritable and emotional and even moody and brooding... but it only lasted until the itch got scratched and I was better.. not even sexually... just being with her. But sex was the best long term cure. :P
Like a junky needing a fix ahaha

3. I believe there is. Sex is like a really high step to take if it's meant romantically. Ive loved people dearly, even like that, without sex or anything physical. Or even with something as simple as hand holding and cuddeling. My first girlfriend and I went about 4 months before having sex. Yet in those 4 months all the romanticism was still there. I still felt madly in love. I still felt the same way *after* having had sex...
and when abstaining for a period... only then i knew what i was missing, and answer 1 would ensue :P

4. I dont believe so. Sex isnt everything. It just feels really good, is a fun thing to do, and I think a really good way of bonding. But you dont need it. If myself or my partner were completely stripped of our ability to have sex, I believe i would still feel the same about them if it was there in the first place.
I've also had the pleasure of experiencing the opposite... friends who had sex. I thought it was love... but it wasnt.

5. a) Ive been in a position where I wanted sex, but my partner didnt. And vice versa...
I cant honestly answer this one because my last girlfriend and I didnt have sex for some time before we broke up... for reasons... and Im still not sure if it was even a small factor... but I think it is possible to have an enjoyable relationship, although it can cause alot of problems and insecuritys between the 2. Not to mention guilt. But all depending on the people.

5. b) That differs between people. I dont believe it possible. Sex is intimate, especially with a regular partner. Plus the person recieving the 2 satisfactions could get distracted and have trouble devoteing themselves to either completely. Causing feelings of unfulfillment and guilt between both (or all 3 partners)... I believe you should give ALL of yourself or none... even if it doesnt mean sex or intimacy.

5. c) I think once again said person would become torn. Both bring them pleasure. You dont have to be having sex with someone to be utterly pleased with thier company, or even the thought of them. But mind and body are constantly at war anyway.... and to try to seperate them would cause chaos and in the end pain for everyone.

6. Well, once again in my experience, Ive enjoyed a wonderful relationship with sex, and a horrible relationship with sex. So I'd say it all depends on the relationship. Sex is secondary... You can't have sex with that person all the time. So there has to be much more there for the relationship to thrive. in my experience, Relationships based on sex= bad. I myself am choosing to put it aside for now, and focus on getting myself straight before I worry about anybody else. I can wait :P Although I still get itchy at times... and I miss that closeness and comfort of touch alot... :/

and sure it all SEEMS simple... but one thing im learning in life is that NOTHING is simple and NOTHING makes sense no matter how hard you work at figureing them out. All you can do is live and learn... it's simple as that.
Plus EVERYBODY's different... like it or not :P
heeh