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This week, my mind has felt drawn to revisiting one of my old original fantasy worlds, one that hasn't pulled at me for several years. I'm not sure what triggered it, but it's a good feeling. I can feel my alter-egos in my mind... there's a near constant pulling/nagging feeling... like I should hurry up and get back to focusing/remembering/reliving/continuing the story.
It's nice having something that I feel drawn to doing, as opposed to things that I feel I need to do, or may as well do, but which provide no real pleasure.
And yet, here I am in my free time, doing other things; procrastinating the good stuff. And why am I doing other things? I worry that if I don't hurry up and focus on the story, I'll lose this rare feeling; I'll lose the potential and desire for bringing that world back to life in my mind. But there's also some anxiety that if I go ahead and focus on the story, that I'll lose interest in it again, or not be able to take it any further. Afraid of failure, afraid of loss. Afraid of it not seeming as special as it used to. Afraid that it will start to seem silly and pointless again.
The fantasy is something that can keep me awake all night, deeply engrossed. Last night after an hour or so of lying awake in bed (but mentally far away), I made myself stop in order to be able to fall asleep.
It's nice having something that I feel drawn to doing, as opposed to things that I feel I need to do, or may as well do, but which provide no real pleasure.
And yet, here I am in my free time, doing other things; procrastinating the good stuff. And why am I doing other things? I worry that if I don't hurry up and focus on the story, I'll lose this rare feeling; I'll lose the potential and desire for bringing that world back to life in my mind. But there's also some anxiety that if I go ahead and focus on the story, that I'll lose interest in it again, or not be able to take it any further. Afraid of failure, afraid of loss. Afraid of it not seeming as special as it used to. Afraid that it will start to seem silly and pointless again.
The fantasy is something that can keep me awake all night, deeply engrossed. Last night after an hour or so of lying awake in bed (but mentally far away), I made myself stop in order to be able to fall asleep.