on going to sleep

[darkoshi]

(continuing on the subject of my last post)

My procrastinating on going to bed at night isn't always due to not being sleepy. Today, I was tired enough after getting home from work that I might have been able to go straight to bed and fall asleep. I did lie down to rest for a moment, and it took me quite a while to get back up.

Last night after having gotten ready for bed, I was still asking myself why I didn't feel enthused about it.

One answer was that there was no very tangible reward/benefit of getting enough sleep, to look forward to.

I don't have particularly bad dreams, but I so very rarely have memorably good dreams, that the thought of dreaming isn't something I look forward to. Most of my dreams are slightly on the unpleasant side - walking back and forth across a city looking for something I've lost, or trying to catch the correct train to get to where I'm going, and so on. Or the common "repeatedly failing to find a clean and normal bathroom" dream that tells me that I need to wake up and use the bathroom.

The obvious benefit of getting enough sleep is that I won't be as tired the next day; ie. that I'll feel better. But at night, that thought doesn't impress me much. For instance, last night I was thinking: So what. I've had enough sleep before, and what good did it do? What's so great about getting 8 hours of sleep? Tomorrow, I'll just be at work all day anyway, getting tired again, no matter how chipper and bushy-tailed I start out the day.

Well. No more time to continue those thoughts, as it is once again time for bed. (Sheesh. Don't even have time to finish any thoughts, or to really do them any justice as I'm too tired to begin with. Yadda yadda yadda.)

Comments

[passionrlsusall.livejournal.com]

When I get depressed, I get worse and worse about the whole understanding the benefits of going to bed thing. I've been struggling with it a little this week, staying up later than I should, mostly to watch a t.v. show and cause I have things on my mind to get done.

[darkoshi]

That's a good point, maybe this resistance to going to bed is related to depression and/or dysthymia, and not being able to remember what it really is to feel good. And the less sleep you get, the worse you feel, and the harder it is to go to bed on time in order to get enough sleep.... one of those vicious cycles.

[passionrlsusall.livejournal.com]

It's definitely a vicious cycle. I find myself starting to feel my mood drop/question my mood when I'm feeling especially tired.