Darkoshi

How I can go from just looking up when the Notre Dame Cathedral fire was (2019!), to looking/reading about gargoyles, grotesques, a rooster reliquary which "miraculously" survived, the Last Judgement, the Babylonian Talmud, Babylon...
and what makes a church a cathedral.

The Last Judgement part was the longest read and left me wondering if Christians believe someone can to to Heaven after death but then end up consigned to Hell after the Last Judgement. So then I looked up that, and ended up reading various people's inconsistent and contrasting beliefs on that and similar topics on Quora. Ugh.

That is not how I wanted to spend the last two and a half hours, dang it.

I should not be angry.
It is not his fault
that I was stupid enough
to go along with this stupid idea.

Am I angry at myself,
at him,
or at the world?

Fear leads to anger.

I should not be afraid.
It's nothing I can't handle.

Maybe it will teach me
not to be stupid
in this manner again.
Or maybe not for at least
another 20 years.

Are a hundred mosquito bites
any worse than five?

I hope it scratches him,
goddamit!!

grumble.

I should not be angry.

I wish I could at least be in the kind of relationship
where I could get enjoyment
from knowing that someone devious
were taking glee in my discomfort.

I wish I knew
that I could still feel enjoyment
from something like that.

It is interesting though.
And I wanted to see what it was like.
So it is no one's fault but my own.
So I really should not be angry.
And I can handle it.
So I should not be afraid.
It's no big deal.
Puffy white clouds,
not a care in the world.

It's really not that bad now.
Maybe I'm just too imaginative.
I can imagine too many fearful things.