disorienting darkness
Saturday, September 21st, 2019 04:44 pmBeen driving home from work in the dark after sunset. Been short on sleep, much as usual but maybe more so lately.
Yesterday I planned to stop by Home Depot on the way home, to buy some caulk. So I turned left onto a road that I drive on only occasionally, to get to the other road that the store is on. My mind was wandering, thinking about this and that. Then with a slight shock, I realized I didn't recognize where I was. In the dark, the road and environs looked totally unfamiliar. I remembered that I'd turned left on purpose... but which road was I on? Where was it going? I kept driving, disoriented. Weird, scary feeling to have a memory lapse like that. Somewhat further down the road, I started recognizing some things, and remembered where I was and why.
.
Today I looked at some photos of me from two decades ago. If these photos weren't in my own folders; if I didn't have memories of having taken them, and of having looked at them various times before, I wouldn't recognize myself in many of them. They could be photos of a stranger. Yet besides the hair, I don't look extremely different than I do now. I still have the same mouth, the same eyebrows, the same kind of nose, the same kind of skin.
It's like comparing the faces in the different photos of a clothing store advertisement, trying to decide which ones are of the same person.
.
This was the first year at work, where there was no mention at all of 9-11 on its anniversary. Not even in the corporate emails / newsletters.
18 years.
This morning I was trying to remember back then... I was at a family friend's house. I think he had 2 TVs back then in different rooms, but I couldn't even remember which TV we watched the news on. I remember the shocked feeling as I saw the first tower collapse live on the air... but not which TV I saw it happen on. For some reason, that seems strange to me as if I should remember. Instead, I remember sitting at his computer, checking message boards.
Why was I thinking about that this morning while trying to fall back asleep?
.
In recent past years after big hurricanes with lots of damage, our company did matching fund drives for the affected areas. So after Dorian, rather than donating to the Bahamas relief efforts right away, I decided to wait. But the company still hasn't sent out any indication that they're doing a matching fund drive this year.
Yesterday I planned to stop by Home Depot on the way home, to buy some caulk. So I turned left onto a road that I drive on only occasionally, to get to the other road that the store is on. My mind was wandering, thinking about this and that. Then with a slight shock, I realized I didn't recognize where I was. In the dark, the road and environs looked totally unfamiliar. I remembered that I'd turned left on purpose... but which road was I on? Where was it going? I kept driving, disoriented. Weird, scary feeling to have a memory lapse like that. Somewhat further down the road, I started recognizing some things, and remembered where I was and why.
.
Today I looked at some photos of me from two decades ago. If these photos weren't in my own folders; if I didn't have memories of having taken them, and of having looked at them various times before, I wouldn't recognize myself in many of them. They could be photos of a stranger. Yet besides the hair, I don't look extremely different than I do now. I still have the same mouth, the same eyebrows, the same kind of nose, the same kind of skin.
It's like comparing the faces in the different photos of a clothing store advertisement, trying to decide which ones are of the same person.
.
This was the first year at work, where there was no mention at all of 9-11 on its anniversary. Not even in the corporate emails / newsletters.
18 years.
This morning I was trying to remember back then... I was at a family friend's house. I think he had 2 TVs back then in different rooms, but I couldn't even remember which TV we watched the news on. I remember the shocked feeling as I saw the first tower collapse live on the air... but not which TV I saw it happen on. For some reason, that seems strange to me as if I should remember. Instead, I remember sitting at his computer, checking message boards.
Why was I thinking about that this morning while trying to fall back asleep?
.
In recent past years after big hurricanes with lots of damage, our company did matching fund drives for the affected areas. So after Dorian, rather than donating to the Bahamas relief efforts right away, I decided to wait. But the company still hasn't sent out any indication that they're doing a matching fund drive this year.
On Tuesday, I surpassed 10,000 steps in a single day for the first time since I started tracking my walking. At 11:45pm, the pedometer showed 9900. Naturally, I decided I had to do at least another 100 before midnight arrived.
The sky was very beautiful while driving home this evening. Awesome layers of clouds and light that make you want to look up rather than down at the street. The sun was setting, orange.
The wisteria/kudzu smells lovely.
Azaleas in full bloom. I still have some azalea photos from a year ago that I never posted. Still haven't finished going through all of last year's photos.
I have some photos of the cute budding fig leaves from a week or 2 ago... Now the leaves are already full size. Last year, I took photos of the young fig leaves too. I'm sure I'll get to them eventually.
I ordered 7 small items from Amazon last night. Button batteries and a couple other items which I've had trouble finding in physical stores. Already got shipment notifications on 5, and USPS tracking emails on 2 of them. California and New Jersey. Interesting to think that around the country, stuff is moving just for me.
When ordering Amazon Marketplace items, the credit card charge may randomly show up from either "AMAZON MKTPLACE PMTS" or "Amazon Payments". Because of that, it's no longer convenient to use Shop-Safe credit card numbers (which for security purposes allow purchases from only a single seller) for those purchases. Half the payments have been getting declined, and I've had to submit them again using a different credit card number. The weird thing is that when Amazon resubmits the ones that were originally charged to "Amazon Payments", the 2nd time they actually charge them to "AMAZON MKTPLACE PMTS".
The sky was very beautiful while driving home this evening. Awesome layers of clouds and light that make you want to look up rather than down at the street. The sun was setting, orange.
The wisteria/kudzu smells lovely.
Azaleas in full bloom. I still have some azalea photos from a year ago that I never posted. Still haven't finished going through all of last year's photos.
I have some photos of the cute budding fig leaves from a week or 2 ago... Now the leaves are already full size. Last year, I took photos of the young fig leaves too. I'm sure I'll get to them eventually.
I ordered 7 small items from Amazon last night. Button batteries and a couple other items which I've had trouble finding in physical stores. Already got shipment notifications on 5, and USPS tracking emails on 2 of them. California and New Jersey. Interesting to think that around the country, stuff is moving just for me.
When ordering Amazon Marketplace items, the credit card charge may randomly show up from either "AMAZON MKTPLACE PMTS" or "Amazon Payments". Because of that, it's no longer convenient to use Shop-Safe credit card numbers (which for security purposes allow purchases from only a single seller) for those purchases. Half the payments have been getting declined, and I've had to submit them again using a different credit card number. The weird thing is that when Amazon resubmits the ones that were originally charged to "Amazon Payments", the 2nd time they actually charge them to "AMAZON MKTPLACE PMTS".
ever find yourself apologizing to your car?
Thursday, February 11th, 2016 11:21 pmDriving to work this morning, my mind was distracted. I didn't notice the train coming from the other direction towards me, along the track that runs parallel to the road. Trees block some of the view of it. The locomotive happened to blow its horn right as it was passing me, and my heart nearly jumped out of my chest.
.
After getting to work and parking, I started to open the door but then closed it again, as I wanted to put on my scarf and headband before exiting. The car emitted a long BEEEP and showed "Key Detected in Vehicle" on the display. I uttered (more than a mutter) a "F-U, I know the key is in the vehicle!"
The car's seat-belt-related beeping is an on-going sore subject for me. I can't turn on the car's power before having the seat belt on, without being beeped at. There are reasons for turning on the car before putting the seat belt on. I refuse to be badgered into doing something because of a doggone badly implemented beep, and so the beeping continues to be ... a sore subject.
Then I realized that this was actually a warning/beep that I approve of, as I wouldn't want to forget my key in the vehicle. So then I felt bad about my language and said, "I'm sorry".
.
After getting to work and parking, I started to open the door but then closed it again, as I wanted to put on my scarf and headband before exiting. The car emitted a long BEEEP and showed "Key Detected in Vehicle" on the display. I uttered (more than a mutter) a "F-U, I know the key is in the vehicle!"
The car's seat-belt-related beeping is an on-going sore subject for me. I can't turn on the car's power before having the seat belt on, without being beeped at. There are reasons for turning on the car before putting the seat belt on. I refuse to be badgered into doing something because of a doggone badly implemented beep, and so the beeping continues to be ... a sore subject.
Then I realized that this was actually a warning/beep that I approve of, as I wouldn't want to forget my key in the vehicle. So then I felt bad about my language and said, "I'm sorry".
something that's been bugging me today...
Thursday, October 26th, 2006 11:26 pmIs it possible to parallel park into a tight space by driving forwards into it, instead of reversing into it?
If not, is it somehow due to the fact that only the front wheels turn, and that somehow affects how you can maneuver the car?
I can't visualize why it would work driving in backwards, but not forwards.
Anyway, I've printed out instructions on how to parallel park, to keep in my glove compartment in case I ever need to do it. I've only had to do so a couple times since I got my drivers license 16 years ago, and I had a hard time of it.
If not, is it somehow due to the fact that only the front wheels turn, and that somehow affects how you can maneuver the car?
I can't visualize why it would work driving in backwards, but not forwards.
Anyway, I've printed out instructions on how to parallel park, to keep in my glove compartment in case I ever need to do it. I've only had to do so a couple times since I got my drivers license 16 years ago, and I had a hard time of it.
(no subject)
Sunday, April 24th, 2005 02:24 pmI seem to be getting over my fear of merging onto interstates. Which means I'm less uncomfortable with the idea of driving on interstates, and of driving long distances in general. As long as I don't ever have to drive on that horribly crowded freeway around Washington DC. ::shudder:: Or anyplace like that.