Darkoshi

Been driving home from work in the dark after sunset. Been short on sleep, much as usual but maybe more so lately.

Yesterday I planned to stop by Home Depot on the way home, to buy some caulk. So I turned left onto a road that I drive on only occasionally, to get to the other road that the store is on. My mind was wandering, thinking about this and that. Then with a slight shock, I realized I didn't recognize where I was. In the dark, the road and environs looked totally unfamiliar. I remembered that I'd turned left on purpose... but which road was I on? Where was it going? I kept driving, disoriented. Weird, scary feeling to have a memory lapse like that. Somewhat further down the road, I started recognizing some things, and remembered where I was and why.

.

Today I looked at some photos of me from two decades ago. If these photos weren't in my own folders; if I didn't have memories of having taken them, and of having looked at them various times before, I wouldn't recognize myself in many of them. They could be photos of a stranger. Yet besides the hair, I don't look extremely different than I do now. I still have the same mouth, the same eyebrows, the same kind of nose, the same kind of skin.

It's like comparing the faces in the different photos of a clothing store advertisement, trying to decide which ones are of the same person.

.

This was the first year at work, where there was no mention at all of 9-11 on its anniversary. Not even in the corporate emails / newsletters.

18 years.

This morning I was trying to remember back then... I was at a family friend's house. I think he had 2 TVs back then in different rooms, but I couldn't even remember which TV we watched the news on. I remember the shocked feeling as I saw the first tower collapse live on the air... but not which TV I saw it happen on. For some reason, that seems strange to me as if I should remember. Instead, I remember sitting at his computer, checking message boards.

Why was I thinking about that this morning while trying to fall back asleep?

.

In recent past years after big hurricanes with lots of damage, our company did matching fund drives for the affected areas. So after Dorian, rather than donating to the Bahamas relief efforts right away, I decided to wait. But the company still hasn't sent out any indication that they're doing a matching fund drive this year.