Darkoshi

I drove back from Qiao's place to mine at 2am. One of the things I wanted to do was to write a card to my sister (I had the cards at my house) and still put it in my mailbox tonight so USPS could pick it up tomorrow. The other thing I want to do is cook some food tomorrow for the next day, Christmas eve.

As I passed my mailbox, I saw the door was hanging open and the whole mailbox was leaning sideways. On closer examination, the diagonal support which holds it up was damaged.

My cams show that an SUV hit it right after midnight. The SUV seems to have missed its turn, so it backed up, and that is when it hit the mailbox.

I suppose it's good I didn't get to my house earlier tonight. If I had, the card would have been in the mailbox when it was hit, probably would have fallen out onto the wet ground, and then who knows what would've happened to it. I probably wouldn't have noticed the mailbox being damaged until later in the day.

So now I have a mailbox to fix.

During the summer, a car skidded out of control during a rainstorm and hit my side gate, damaging it. (Which I also found out after the fact, courtesy of my cams.) The side gate is behind the mailbox, and at the time I was relieved that at least the mailbox hadn't been hurt. I haven't yet gotten the gate fixed either.

I was going through some of my old online journal entries which I don't keep online anymore, and got the idea that perhaps I should post them back on my website. It doesn't matter if hardly anyone ever looks at them; they are a part of my history, and some are quite poetic. But it would be nice if they were tagged, so that I could easily find all posts related to various topics. But I could do that! Instead of just posting the original html files on my website, I could post each entry into a journal system like my dreamwidth account, and tag them at the same time! I haven't even managed to find the time to tag all of my old LiveJournal entries though.

I'm not poetic like I used to be. Out of pain came poetry. Nowadays I avoid writing when I'm feeling bad. There's no point in making other people feel blue too. If I write about pain nowadays, it seems embarrassing, whiny, and repetitive. Not that I completely avoid it.

*
i want
my words
to be
beauty
*

I've been pruning and cutting down some small trees in my yard; trees growing in places where I don't want them to grow. I don't like doing it; I feel bad for the trees I'm killing and/or mutilating; I feel bad for the insects and animals that may have lived on or played on them. I sort of feel like an emotionless killer. It's so easy to cut down living branches. So easy to saw through a 3 inch trunk. Killing things, simply because I don't want them where they happen to be.

There are ant mounds in my yard. I may end up putting down bait to kill the ants. I haven't yet decided... if the mounds didn't get bigger and didn't multiply, they wouldn't bother me; but they do, and I don't want my yard to end up full of fire ants. So I may try killing them. I don't like doing it, but in the end, it is a simple matter to do. I don't have to think about the hundreds or thousands of dying ants... just like I don't have to think about the trees. Emotionless. Easy. I wonder if that is what serial murderers feel when they kill people. No, they get some kind of pleasure out of it, right? So not that. But then, I wonder if that is what hardened criminals feel when they victimize and murder people. Nothing. Expendiency. You don't want the person to be alive, or you don't care about their pain, so you hurt or kill them, for your own benefit.

The particular post I was looking for was one in which I voiced sadness and anger at FF pruning/cutting the trees which grew in front of my bedroom window, when I lived at her house. It's so ironic, that now I'm doing the same kind of thing. No sadness; no anger; it's just what one has to do, to keep things from getting overgrown and overly shady.

Irony.
Not who I used to be.


Oh. There are these very cute little insects that live on the trees around here. They are camouflaged to look like little bits of bark. But they have white fluff/feathery stuff on their tail ends.