Tired.

I was going to try to fix something on my car. So I popped the hood. Except the hood didn't pop. Eventually figured that I should be able to trip the hood-latch by fiddling with it from underneath the front of the car, so I got down and fiddled. It didn't have any effect. So there I was, lying on the ground, looking up at the nice blue sky... ah, how nice. I've never been in this position in the front yard before, looking up at the sky... then I moved my fingers a bit again, and ta-dah!, the hood popped open. I checked the mechanism, and nothing seemed wrong with it, so I closed the hood and pulled the hood release from inside the car, and this time it worked.

But I wasn't able to fix the thing I wanted to fix. A water leak when it rains. At first it felt good, figuring out how to get the plastic pieces off the end of the wipers, to expose the nuts. But then I wasn't able to get the wiper arms off, and I couldn't get the plastic screws out either, which were holding down the cowl, without breaking them, at least. So much for that.

A guy walking down the street addressed me... "Hello. Are you married? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you want a friend?" No thanks, I replied, a bit amused. Later, he walked by again, and this time Forestfen was there, and he asked her the same thing. She declined as well.

(no subject)

So I was surfing the collarme BDSM site... and noticed for the first time the PPV video link, from which apparently they make their money, and then clicked to view the short "free sample" vid... and it was not at all my kind of thing (not that I expected it to be) - a guy flogging a naked chained and moaning female, with another naked female licking her armpit... and then both of the females bent over some rail, and the guy flogging their behinds.

Then I browsed through several pages of the forums, and read and skimmed through many threads, and found none of interest to me.

And I don't feel so good, which maybe has something to do with how I started feeling... I was still tired even after having eaten dinner... I'm about to go to bed even, and I don't usually feel like going to bed this early on a weekend except when I'm sick. Although I don't feel sick.

But, after browsing through all those posts... and thinking back on the vid again... I mean, get real. None of those people are like me, or into what I'd be into. The doms are into naked female bodies and they like playing because they like looking at naked female asses and naked female breasts! And because they like naked females sucking their cock! WTF am I doing on this site? WTF am I doing at all... And why do I have to have this damn female body and these damn naked female breasts? Even the people I've been involved with - even though they were able to affect me in good ways for a while - they're really just like those guys. They're really mainly just into naked females and sex. WTH does this have to do with what I want? WTH do I want?

Good night. Just felt like writing down that reaction so that I can ponder it later on when I'm not feeling quite this way.