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sex and love, affection and friendships
Sunday, April 18th, 2010 02:38 pmBeing mostly asexual, I've always had a hard time understanding what sex has to do with love; about why having sex purportedly tends to make sexual people start feeling love and/or affection for the person(s) they have sex with. Or why it increases the love/affection they feel for the other person.
But it occurred to me this morning that sex is generally very pleasurable for sexual people, and that the person they have sex with therefore becomes a source of pleasure for them. And when someone is a source of pleasure for you, you start to like them a lot. The greater the pleasure, the more you like them.
In retrospect, it seems quite obvious, but I'm not sure if it's ever quite "clicked" in my mind that way before... I would think of 2 people having sex, and I'd consider the physical act of sex itself the source of pleasure for the people involved, and I didn't see why the physical act would lead to an emotional bond, since it was a purely physical act.
It's been such a rare occurrence for anyone in real life to be a great source of pleasure for me, that it's almost a foreign concept to me. It's even been rare for anyone to be a moderate source of pleasure; which may be why I've rarely felt much inclination to try to form and maintain friendships with people.
Maybe what I feel for Qiao is closer to friendship than love. I'm still not sure if I really love anyone. Qiao has on occasion been a great source of pleasure for me, but that's mostly been long in the past. Nowadays he is usually a moderate source of pleasure for me.
Those times when someone has been a great source of pleasure to me, it has felt sexual to me... that is how I've come to define sexuality in my mind, even if it may not actually be related to sex. Great pleasure is *sexual*; it is a sudden magical *thing* between that person and me, which sparks my mind and excites my emotions and possibly also excites my body. During those moments, I adore the other person. And for a long time afterwards, I remember the pleasure that was felt, prolonging the pleasure, and I still associate it with the other person, and I therefore still adore the other person. This persists for a long time until the person ceases being a continuing source of great pleasure, and I no longer expect or hope to feel it from them again.
But it occurred to me this morning that sex is generally very pleasurable for sexual people, and that the person they have sex with therefore becomes a source of pleasure for them. And when someone is a source of pleasure for you, you start to like them a lot. The greater the pleasure, the more you like them.
In retrospect, it seems quite obvious, but I'm not sure if it's ever quite "clicked" in my mind that way before... I would think of 2 people having sex, and I'd consider the physical act of sex itself the source of pleasure for the people involved, and I didn't see why the physical act would lead to an emotional bond, since it was a purely physical act.
It's been such a rare occurrence for anyone in real life to be a great source of pleasure for me, that it's almost a foreign concept to me. It's even been rare for anyone to be a moderate source of pleasure; which may be why I've rarely felt much inclination to try to form and maintain friendships with people.
Maybe what I feel for Qiao is closer to friendship than love. I'm still not sure if I really love anyone. Qiao has on occasion been a great source of pleasure for me, but that's mostly been long in the past. Nowadays he is usually a moderate source of pleasure for me.
Those times when someone has been a great source of pleasure to me, it has felt sexual to me... that is how I've come to define sexuality in my mind, even if it may not actually be related to sex. Great pleasure is *sexual*; it is a sudden magical *thing* between that person and me, which sparks my mind and excites my emotions and possibly also excites my body. During those moments, I adore the other person. And for a long time afterwards, I remember the pleasure that was felt, prolonging the pleasure, and I still associate it with the other person, and I therefore still adore the other person. This persists for a long time until the person ceases being a continuing source of great pleasure, and I no longer expect or hope to feel it from them again.