trix, wow i wonder, tea-thai-tah-tum, um yeah, age, uh-oh.

my god/dess is the trickster
life is a cosmic joke
(a bad one!, you!)

and one of my other names is bellatrix

was doing a google search today and the page summaries on this first page of results was just weird.
like something mischievous got into google's cache and jumbled it all up.

there's someone at work whom i see every not so often
(ze doesn't work in my area)
ze intrigues me... dresses like a guy but seems certainly to be female bodied.
i wonder what zir gender identity is...
could it be an ftm person?
or even someone somewhat androgyne like me?
today i saw zir pass by outside the room i was in,
and ze's hair was cut short, nearly bald!
(wow! like i've had mine a few times...)
i wonder if ze ever sees me and wonders?

even though i sometimes wear "male" clothing,
somehow i don't feel it gives such a distinctive "male" impression...
but perhaps that's just my viewpoint?

isn't that just like me,
to notice someone from a distance and wonder about them,
with no inclination to approach or speak to them...
what could i say,
"you intrigue me. do you mind telling me what your gender identity is?"
whew. what a mouthful.

hmmm. i like the newfound te/tai/ta pronouns
but my previous preference ze/zir seems more widespread.
so which shall i use?
te wouldn't be so good for that story of mine,
considering the main character's name is Tee...

i've managed recently to have a fantasy
where the characters, androgynes, had breasts.
the genitals were still retractable though...
a sassy character, sort of like a multi-talented drag queen...

age...
i'm usually a younger partner in these fantasies.
inexperienced. naive. that's how i feel in real life.
even if i'm this old in the fantasy,
my partners are at least a little older.
imagining a sexual encounter with someone younger than me is odd.
it's hard to imagine someone younger as having those qualities...
experience, confidence, empathy...
even though i'm sure most real people, including people younger than me,
are much more experienced and confident than i am.
maybe it's just hard imagine someone younger being interested in someone older...
erk. although that's what it is in my case, isn't it!
okay, maybe it's just hard to imagine a younger dominant-type person
being interested in an older sub-type person...

if i'm someday 80 years old, (ugh)
will i still feel young and naive?
do we always feel this way?

::whisper::
no, no... i'm not a self-absorbed psycho...
i'm just a... self-absorbed psycho...
oh, oh...
at least i'm not drowning others in my pit of self-absorption.
right?