(no subject)

I'm sad. phew... What am i going to do. pfah. Things will get good again someday, sure. right. right.

Oh, I cut my hair in vaguely a mohawk style. Except it would take hairgel to actually make it stick up and look mohawkey. It's long on the very top of my head. And very short everywhere else. It's short and long at the same time. And the long hair partially covers/camouflages the short hair... Duality. Lovely.

Wish I had something more fun to do than being listless and reading other people's blogs and writing about my hair.

Oh, and why I'm sad. I told my wonderful Dom-dude last week that I wasn't going to "serve and obey" him anymore. Because it wasn't working. He's too far away, not enough contact between us... and I was starting to feel bitter towards him too much of the time. He didn't want me to cut my hair either.... I don't know if that was mainly a problem for me because I was already feeling bitter, or if letting all my hair grow long would be such a difficult thing in any case.

television, ooh, aah.

our big tv's at the repair shop again... so my mom bought an old small zenith black & white tv for $6... i hooked it up to our satellite box.

b&w... uhf & vhf... no remote control; crouching in front of the tv to change the (local) channels... rotary channel dials making that ratchety noise when you turn them... memories of days long gone.

something so old that still works; it's like magic.

.

I feel odd to be a 32 yr old still living with my mom. But she must be odd too, to not have wanted me to move out in all this time. For all I know, she's less interested in sex than I am. She used to very occasionally spend the night at her friend's house, so I thought, well maybe... even though she always made it sound like they only talked til late and then slept. But she doesn't even do that anymore.

sheez. i feel dorky for writing "my mom" so often in my entries.
maybe i'll call her by a name from now on instead... Forestfen, yep, that'll do.