Darkoshi

Trick-or-treaters:
7pm - 1 boy
7:20pm - 2 boys
It looked like that was going to be it for the night, and that I missed out on giving away the Sir Hoots-A-Lot figurine that I had gotten at Kroger for that purpose, because it was cute and deeply discounted.
But then right around 9pm,
2 groups of 3 kids each, followed by a group of 5 kids.

Total: 14 kids

Dressing up when I go to work produces an uncomfortable conflict in me. A small part of me feeling awesome and wanting to be seen and admired, or simply to bring a smile to the people who see me, and a larger part of me wanting to go straight to my cubicle where I'm mostly out of sight, so that I can lose myself in work like everything is normal for the rest of the day until I can go home and breathe a sigh of relief at it being over.

I did get to speak to another person who had dressed up though, which was nice.

There's a Kroger Marketplace on my way home from work, which opened a few months ago. It's like other Kroger grocery stores, except larger, with a small clothing section too. I haven't yet memorized the store layout, so still have to hunt through the aisles looking for things. The health/natural/vegetarian items aren't grouped conveniently together as they are in some of the other stores.

I pushed my cart along slowly, dazedly. Gazing at the goods on the shelves, hoping to find some special treats in addition to the few items on my shopping list.

Eventually, I reached the corner with Halloween merchandise. Inquisitively pressed "Try Me" buttons. An old-style rotary phone, which when you turn the dial, starts ringing and glowing red. When the receiver is lifted, it plays a spooky message - a different message for each number dialed.

I almost bought a cheap headpiece with long lacy tubes with LED lights inside, but then saw it had feathers.

There were Halloween lights that made a spooky electric zinging crackling sound.
There were skulls that glowed and emitted eerie laughter.
There were battery-driven strands of 15 LEDs in orange and purple, that per the packaging "lasts over 120 hours!" I got one of each color, to put on my gate on All Hallow's Eve.

I bought candy to give out, thinking of the lady who mentioned being disappointed the one year I didn't.

In the peanut butter aisle, there was an interesting looking spread made from ground flax seeds, orange juice, and dates. The ingredients included chili pepper, which I knew might be too hot for me and not taste good, but I was still curious to try it. Then I saw that the price was $9.99, and decided NOT.

But later in another area, while digging through the shelves with special discount/marked-down items, I found a single jar of the same product, for only $0.89! Sudden glee. Hunter/gathering at its best! The expiration date on the bottle wasn't even until mid 2017. I found several other marked-down goodies in that section too.

Left the store feeling accomplished, in spite of having been in there way too long.

I wonder if dogs even notice or care whether their water is filtered tap water versus unfiltered. I've been giving them filtered water, under the premise that as they have a good sense of smell and taste, that they would prefer filtered like I do. That's what I put in their water bowl. But I also fill another shallow bowl with unfiltered water, and put their food bowl in that (like a castle surrounded by a moat - to reduce the number of crawly bugs that can get in their food). The big dog seems to drink out of either bowl indiscriminately. I haven't really noticed which bowl the small dog drinks from. Maybe I shouldn't bother giving them filtered?

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Burger King's onion rings currently include whey as an ingredient. From what I remember, they didn't used to.

But their french fries still seem to be made of vegan ingredients, as do their new "satisfries".

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I am going to stop taking the butterbur for a while, as I suspect I may be getting desensitized/immune to it. I'll try taking loratadine and/or fexofenadine every day in the mean while, to see how well those work for me. In the past, I only took them when I was having an allergy attack. Sometimes they helped, sometimes not. They're supposed to last 24 hours, but even when they did help, they often didn't last that long. Do you have to take them regularly in order to get consistent relief for a whole 24 hours? Or is it common for people to have to take multiple types of allergy medication per day to keep their allergies at bay?

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Um. Guess that's all for tonight, folks.

Oh. Halloween. Thinking about doing anything for it gave me a feeling of dread the last couple of weeks. (If I buy one of those nice pretty pumpkins, I'll have gone too far: Then I'd be stuck - I'd have to design a face for it, and carve it, and buy candy, and put up decorations, and think of something to wear, and find a way to fit the pumpkin into the fridge, and cut up and cook the pumpkin, and then make pies and meals with it...)

Today in the store, walking by the Halloween candy, it felt possibly do-able. I'm feeling a bit more energy for it. Yet in my neighborhood, I've only seen one house with decorations up. It's sad really, that it's only one house. It's sad (from the perspective of myself) to buy a bunch of candy and to have the possibility of no trick-or-treaters even stopping by. On the other hand, it would be sad (from the perspective of me thinking of potential treat-or-treaters) for me to keep the gate closed and to put up decorations and carve a pumpkin just for myself.

Re-reading this paragraph makes me think, maybe I don't have the energy. Hmmm.

My foster sister said she was having a Halloween party *this* Saturday. Eh. All I'd be able to do by then is to put on a hat and throw some scarves around my neck for a "costume". I suppose it wouldn't be my kind of party. I suppose I have never even been to a party that was my kind of party. Except the ones by myself in my own room, maybe. Maybe I should have myself a Halloween party, by myself. With the gate closed, so that there's no anxiety in the back of my mind whether anyone will be coming to trick or treat or not. Except then I'd be feeling anxiety at having the gate closed and at being part of the downfall of Halloween.

I'm going to wear this to work tomorrow... umm, today, actually.

In the last half year or so, I've increasingly been having trouble with numbers. This is new to me and disgruntling. I make a lot of mistakes when writing down digits and/or copying them from one place to another. Sometimes I'll read, hear, or say in my mind, "71" (for example), but end up writing "17". Then I compare what I wrote to what I meant to write, and wonder how I could have gotten something so simple wrong.

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I didn't want kids. Nor did I want pets. I didn't want the hassle. I didn't want the responsibility. I still don't want them.
But I didn't want a dog to die, so I ended up taking care of a dog. And I didn't want the dog to be lonely, so now I've practically got two dogs to take care of. They take up a lot of time. They're a lot of work. In a way, I'm a part-time slave, having to take care of them.
In return, I get wagging tails and hopeful eyes.

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It's always hard cutting up the jack'o'lanterns after Halloween. It took effort to design the faces and to carve them.... and then they were art and had their own personalities and were so pretty. But they can't stay stored in the refrigerator forever; they take up too much space. They would rot eventually. So one cuts them up and cooks them and makes cakes and pies and dinners from them. The whole process is a hassle, even though part of it is neat and pretty, and part of it is yummy. Like putting up and decorating a Christmas tree, I'm never quite sure if I want to go through the trouble again next year. Why do I keep doing it? Why can't I curl up into a ball and disappear?

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I read that green tea is good against allergies. So I tried drinking tea a few times when I was having allergy attacks. It actually did help, and rather quickly too. I suspect it may be the hot steaming liquid that somehow helps, more so than the type of tea. I'll have to experiment with it some more.

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From what I've been able to tell, it seems that heating the house with electric heaters may be cheaper than using the whole-house heater which runs on gas. But I'm against nuclear power, because of the long-lasting radioactive waste that it produces, and any electricity I use is likely to be from nuclear power plants. So, based on my ideals, would it be better to use gas? Hmmm....
"SCE&G operates 17 power plants throughout the state. Forty-three percent of the
company’s electrical capacity comes from coal plants, 12 percent from a single nuclear
plant, 30 percent from natural gas, four percent through a handful of hydro-electric
plants and one percent from biomass."
This page indicates that there are 7 active nuclear power stations at 4 sites in the state, not including the Savannah River Site.

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I feel like a non-entity in many ways. Sexually, socially, emotionally. No goals, no enthusiasm, no purpose, no dreams.

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I waste a lot of time on the internet due to curiosity.

I've started taking daily Selenium and Vitamin D supplements. After the first day of taking them, my lower back achiness/stiffness was surprisingly and significantly reduced, and I was hopeful... But I had also taken an Alleve (naproxen) tablet, against a headache. It must have been the naproxen that helped with my back, as the achiness came back even though I've continued taking the Selenium and Vit. D.

It hadn't previously occurred to me to take pain relievers against my back aches; I generally only take them for headaches or menstrual cramps. If I thought it would cure my problems, I surely would take them. But I think it would only mask the problem.

I went for a small walk/jog one day last week. The sun was bright in my eyes, and the wind was windy in my ears. I was only able to jog short distances before having to slow down to a walk to catch my breath. But it was good to do it, after not having done it in such a long time.

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Zorro somehow got her collar off again today and chewed it up. The same thing happened with her prior collar a few weeks ago. I may have to get her a metal collar, so that she can't just keep chewing them up. Maybe I could get some metal chain, but attach a piece of elastic cord, so that it could pull off if she gets stuck. I worry about her or Serena getting their jaws caught on each other's collars, since they rough-house around so much.

I was thinking that it would be very cute if I could get Zorro and Serena capes to wear for Halloween. Zorro could have a black cape, and Serena could have a red cape, and they'd be Batman and Robin! It would look so neat for them to be running across the yard with their capes fluttering behind them. But in reality, they'd probably chew them up first.

ETA: Robin had a yellow cape? Oh well, make that yellow then.

Still emotional. This guy I don't even really know, other than the name, posted on one of the lists that he was throwing a milestone birthday party for himself and inviting all his friends to come to a fun event... That seemed like such a brave, unusual thing to do, when I read it. But now he cancelled it, due to "not really any interest". Made me cry to think about it from his point of view. Which is somewhat silly, right?, as maybe it didn't even bother him that much, if he was that brave to begin with.

But anyway.

Sunshine! Finally. The birds and squirrels are scampering and playing in it.

I got a good amount of sleep last night and feel much better today.

It looks like I'm going to be doing Halloween again this year. Got a pumpkin, got candy....
But it seems I shall have to invest in some advertising of my candy-giveaway business, if I want to get any costumed munchkins at all at my doorstep on the special day. A nearby house has a fantastic Halloween display with a lighted ghoul clawing its way out of the ground. I will put colored lights up on one of the trees in my front-yard. And perhaps I'll go see what kind of decorations they have available this year the stores... Hehehheh, Halloween stuff, and having an actual reason to buy it!

I discovered that hollow doors aren't hollow on about the outer 1.5 inches of the door edges. (Hurrah for stud-finders!) That made putting up the magnetic doorstop much easier than I had thought it was going to be. I also got the push-down spring-loaded doorstops put up on 2 of the other doors. They were even easier to install than the magnetic one. But they are too slick on the bottom to work very well. I will attach some better rubber so that they hold the doors better.

This is what I was wearing for Halloween. The shirt is the one I found at the thrift store. It looks good with red hair as well as blue. The wig was scratchy and warm and the hairs kept getting in my face, but it looked sweet.

More pix later, possibly.