Darkoshi

While listening to the Cyndi Lauper song "She Bop" a few days ago, after hearing the verse about going blind, I suddenly realized (for the first time ever) what the song was probably about. Considering that I've always liked the song, I'm surprised it never clicked for me before now.

Yet, I was 12 years old when the song came out. Even if I was able to decipher the song's words back then, I probably wasn't yet familiar with the saying about masturbation causing blindness. I'm not sure that I even knew a word for masturbation yet.

The first "sex-toy" I bought, 4 years ago, was a small vibe disguised as a pen. It looks like a regular silver pen, except that the end is round plastic with small bumps on it. This plastic end part vibrates when you press down on it. It also has a regular pen tip - to open it you twist on the barrel. After I bought it, I decided that the best place to "hide" it would be in plain sight, in the mug full of pens, pencils, and markers that I had. I haven't used it in a long time.

Today, Forestfen stopped by my place, and as she was looking for something to write with, she plucked the vibrapen from the mug. She clicked on the push-button end, and that not bringing the pen-tip out, asked "how does this work?". Luckily the battery was dead so I didn't have to explain a vibrating pen to her. I just pretended the pen was broken and gave her a different one to use.

I tried out the Zestra.

The only effect it seemed to have on me was to produce a warming/heat sensation in the genitals. It did not arouse me mentally, or make me feel significantly different physically, or make it easier to orgasm (somewhat hard to gauge, since the preparations for doing this put me into a state where I orgasmed fairly quickly anyway). It did not make my orgasms feel any stronger or better than usual. It did not cause insertion of a dildo* into my vagina to feel any better than usual.

(* - how quaint; LiveJournal's spell-checker doesn't recognize "dildo" as a real word. And for that matter, it doesn't recognize "LiveJournal" either.)

Despite the website saying that Zestra is not flavored and not the best-tasting choice for oral sex, it did have a good scent and did not taste bad... it is simply an unflavored oil with hardly any taste at all. It did make my tongue tingle a little bit. I put some on my lips too, but it did not produce any sensation there.

I haven't tried any other heat-sensation producing products like the ones containing capsicum, so I can't give a comparison of this to those.

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I wish I knew what it feels like to experience a whole-body orgasm with the "fireworks" and contracting muscles bit. I wonder if I will ever experience that. It seems doubtful, since my body has never done that so far.

I think I'd probably gain more pleasure from having a good in-depth mental fantasy again like the ones I used to have, over any physical orgasm, no matter how strong. I wonder whether I will ever have any fantasies like those again.

It seems like I've heard that many females never experience orgasms, but I haven't heard as much about females who experience only "weak" orgasms like mine. I wonder how common or uncommon it is to only have the physical sensations which I have. And I wonder if males experience orgasms along a continuum from weak to strong too; in other words if some guys only experience weak orgasms (or none at all), while some guys only experience strong ones.