darkoshi: (Default)
I'm feeling increasingly alienated from other people. But actually, no. I already felt that way. About everyone actually. Every single one. My mom, after having had a bit too much to drink perhaps, said a couple of things which disappointed me. And I thought, even her, such words? But she, like so many others, loves her God that she believes in. So, I was already alienated from her in that regard. This was just one more thing.

I'm free. Free as a bee without a hive.

But I still get along fine with people. Everyone seems fine and sane and dandy until they speak on certain topics.

Today I downloaded this year's tax forms, and printed out the ones I'll need. This is the first year since 2014 I got that done before March. So I'm a step ahead, yay. Can't say when I'll get the forms filled in, but still. Might be tomorrow even.

I also got registered on my company's new 401k website. That was quite a hassle. 401k websites are some of the most unfriendly ones I've encountered. Both the old one and the new one. Turns out I already had an account on the new one. Apparently from about 20 years ago, when my company was dealing with them before under a different name.

me: Register as a new user
site: You've already got an account! Do you want to find out your user name, or reset your password?
me: Find out my user name.
site: Your user name doesn't adhere to our new standards. You have to change it! In order to change it, you need to tell us your password.
me: Cancel
me: Register as a new user
site: You've already got an account! Do you want to find out your user name, or reset your password?
me: Reset password
site: We've sent you a verification code to your email address
me: Oh, so I don't need to know my old user name in order to reset my password. That's a relief. Here's the code
site: Cool! You can change your password now. And by the way, you need to change your user name too.
...
me: Ok, all done. Now where's my 2019 account statement?
site: I've only got data starting from 12/31/2019 because that's when the transfer happened.
me: That makes sense. But wait, you don't even provide downloadable PDF statements? I have to save a screenshot each time? This site is no improvement over the old one.

Yesterday I went through old paper documents from work and got rid of a big stack of mostly obsolete stuff. I scanned a bunch of stuff too. Now there is space in the cabinet for new papers.

I read some articles yesterday about accidents in the last few years involving self-driving cars. I hadn't realized there were normal cars with that functionality already being used by normal drivers, as opposed to special cars still being trained and tested by special people. It's a sorta scary thought, that some of the cars I encounter on the road may not react like a human-driven car would.

(no subject)

Sunday, August 19th, 2007 08:30 am
darkoshi: (Default)
Just watched a short bit of a Sunday-morning church show on TV.

Christianity seems so foreign to me. Religion is so foreign. People are so foreign. How can people believe those things? How can I be on the same planet with people like that? What the heck is this WEIRD universe I am living in?

So the preacher is preaching about how God will let bad things happen to our nation because of the "decline in morality" that's been going on here. About how he will allow other nations to attack and conquer us, just like he allowed the Babylonians to conquer the Israelites. In other words, it's not just a matter of believing in your religion and living your life as you feel you should live it, while letting other people believe in what they believe and live life as they feel they should live it. No, the fact that other people aren't believing in the things you do, and acting according to your own religion's standards of morality, means bad things are going to happen to *you*. Therefore you have to change *them*, in order to save yourself. And therefore it makes perfect sense to try to pass laws based on your religion, and to treat other religions as inferior to yours. Why? Because a book says so! Because a preacher says so! Because there's this big powerful male-gendered godly being who wants us billions of puny little humans to follow the oh-so-important ridiculous instructions put down in a book he wrote and bestowed upon us a couple thousand years ago!

And the preacher says the Islam is bad because Moslems want to kill people who don't believe in their religion, while Christians are so much better than them because Christians want to convert people instead of killing them. Ahem. Yes, it's that simple. They are bad and we are good. Of course. There haven't ever been any Christians who have wanted to kill non-believers and/or impose Christianity upon others. And passing laws based on Christianity isn't *imposing* Christianity upon others. Of course not. After all, you are only doing it for their own good... you're saving them from God's deadly wrath! As well as saving yourselves from God's wrath that you let them coexist with you.

Either way, fanatical Islam and fanatical Christianity, it is the same thought process! Gah, and no, it's not that people in other countries could possibly be angry at Americans because of the inconsiderate things Americans do to people in other countries, no, that couldn't be the case, because Americans are so good. They're only angry at us because we don't follow their religion. Of course that would make sense to someone who feels the same way about other people and their own religion.

Of course, it is probably true. If people here are so weird and believe in such things, it stands to reason that people in other countries are just as weird and gullible. And so yes, there are a lot of non-Christians out there who probably want to do us harm merely because our religions are different than theirs, and because we engage in activities that they think their God opposes.

Why am I living this weird strange incomprehensible life?

(no subject)

Saturday, May 5th, 2007 01:27 am
darkoshi: (Default)
The rare occasions wherein someone else has done something which has turned me on have been mostly flukes. The other person did not realize that what they were doing was arousing for me. Even if I let them know, they still don't really understand; they don't have an intuitive grasp of how things do and do not affect me, and how I might react to other stimuli. And even though it may feel good at the time, being aroused, it is disappointing afterwards, realizing this. Realizing that there is no true mental connection between us. That it is all just in my head. That it is hardly any different from having fantasies of my own, in my head.

Perhaps this is normal for other people too. Perhaps it is as normal as accepting that we as humans unfortunately are not telepathic and never will be.

politics

Wednesday, March 14th, 2007 08:11 pm
darkoshi: (Default)
Why does it bother me so much when someone whom I have an otherwise favorable opinion of, expresses something which gives me a clue as to their being a conservative/Republican/having different opinions and beliefs than mine? They've lived their life, and I've lived mine, and for whatever reasons, they've ended up with a different outlook and/or set of beliefs than me. Surely they're not a horrible person just because of that. So why does it make me cringe so much inside, and make me feel like there's a divide between us... they've revealed themself as a stranger to me... and that I could never really be comfortable with them?

Does it make me realize how insubstantial my own world-view is, that someone else, a seemingly reasonable person, can have a different world-view... is my sense of reality threatened? Does my mind fight against that threat?

(no subject)

Sunday, November 20th, 2005 08:21 am
darkoshi: (Default)
Someone wrote a post about how alienating it can feel to be atheistic/agnostic when nearly everyone around you is Christian. Ie., how it can feel to have nearly everyone else in the world believe something which seems very unbelievable to you. Upon thinking on it, I realized that I feel alienated from people in many ways, and my lack of religious beliefs is just one of them.

Political beliefs - I don't know many, if any, people around here, who are as liberal as I am.

Food / Animal rights beliefs - I know a few people who are vegetarians, but noone (in person) who is vegan.

Sex - I don't know any other adult in person who is asexual, ie., who doesn't like, or who has never liked, the idea of sex.

Socialness - I don't know anyone else who has as hard of a time dealing with people socially, as I do. I know that there are a lot of people who are shy... but even in terms of having people not able to hear me when I speak, and not able to notice or interpret my facial expressions and physical reactions.... it makes me feel completely isolated a lot of the time.

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